To hate that funerals take place weeks after the death?

What do you mean by "good god" please?

OP says they are dreading having to grieve in a very public, sobre ceremonial affair. She is not being unreasonable.

I agree - you are just about getting it together and then the funeral comes along weeks later. My Dad died 2010 and Mum 2017 and both had a months gap. It was down to lack of Crematorium slots in their case.

My mum has planned a direct cremation. I'm still unsure about the whole thing really 😔 I'm aware they use the very early slots for direct cremation but I didn't know they give you a date.

An unattended body disposal! Good God.

My cousin in England died and they had to wait over a month for the crematorium slot, it was so awful on the family. Thankfully in Ireland its only usually 3 days.

We did my Dad’s in 10 days but that was considered extremely fast. It was actually almost a month after his v unexpected death but there were (imo) cock ups with the GP which led to delays and we had to wait for a PM. So 10 days from the PM and being told they would release the body for the funeral.

We had the service in the crem in the next county because we couldn’t get a slot in his local two.

We spoke to quite a few funeral directors from bigger companies that couldn’t help, said it would be at least 3weeks from being given the OK by the coroner. They seemed very inflexible and almost like they had a tick list they wanted us to go through.

However, we found a small independent FD in my local village (about 30 min away from where my parents live), who was amazing. He saw me first thing the next morning after emailing him the OOH evening before. He was all the things you hope for in a FD- kind and compassionate but also bent over backwards to help sort things quickly, eg coming over in the evening two days before to sort out the OOS when there was an issue with the photographs.

We were like you in that we wanted to move things forward as there had been delays at the start of the process- it took a whole week for the GP to respond to the coroner, FFS. I found it incredibly difficult being in limbo. We had added issues that we had family in far flung places and they’d had to book flights etc before confirmation of the service due to logistics, so I was incredibly grateful to our FD.

Sorry for your loss OP, it’s such a difficult time.

How do they enable some funerals to happn faster? I completely get it OP. You're just recovering and then a funeral. It's not happening to everyone so I wonder what the difference is.

Where I live in rural Scotland they are getting longer.

Previously was around a week afterwards, occasionally up to a fortnight but that was considered long.

Now three weeks is more the norm.

Recent bereavement in England and the death certificate from the hospital took a week. And it wasn't an unexpected death. Until you have that nothing else can be confirmed.

This!

I get this. I didn't know exactly when last time, but thank you for saying this can happen. I'll ask not to be told, next time.

How do you do that?

Will you just pack it in? You seem to be going out of your way to cause upset on this thread. If you're bored there are plenty of threads on Mumsnet where you can act the arse, but ffs grow up, have some 'decorum' as you put it and take it somewhere else.

We had two funerals in quick succession (for deaths not so much funeral). Delay was crem slots and celebrant availability. Have to say I was glad of the 4 week wait for second, I was organising single handled, it was a long distance from where I live, many people - who I didn't know - had views about what should be done, and I'd just been through another one. I needed a break. But I suppose doing it fast would have got it over with. (Death cert process also took 10 days - that was GP issue. Would have been impossible for that reason too).

Mostly, if a person dies in the morning, the removal (first part) takes place the following evening, with the funeral itself happening the day after so all done and dusted on day 3. If they die later in the day, the removal might not happen until day 3 with the funeral on day 4. It can be delayed a couple of days for family members to get home.

I can't imagine waiting a month for the funeral to happen. It would be very difficult to get on with normal life in the interim but at the same time, you need to.

Sorry for your loss and sorry you have the extra stress of waiting for the funeral.

OP stated that the funeral WAS planned ahead, by her parent. It’s not the lack of planning, it’s availability of funeral staff and crematoria etc that delays funerals in England.

I find it really strange that funerals are so long after the death in some parts of the country. In NI they happen within a few days. I would hate to have to go back to work for weeks or even a month and be getting back to some sort of normality and then have to go through the funeral. At least in NI, if it's a close family member, you'd likely be off work until the funeral and then go back and start getting back to normal life. So I really feel for you, it sounds like a real emotional rollercoaster.

The thing I have found unexpected with direct cremation was that I didn't expect us to be told exactly when it was going to be - eg, it will take place between 7.30 and 8.00 am next Tuesday. I found it quite hard to be making lunches, getting children out the door for school and all the while thinking that my parent was being cremated. I don't know if there's an option to not know exactly when it's taking place, but I'd have preferred to just hear that it had happened.

In Ireland we have the funeral a few days after a death. I can't imagine waiting weeks. The funeral is a huge part of the grieving process.

@Klovos

I'm sorry if you're upset about something in your life, but no need to take it on me. Not that I mind a lack of decorum, but it's derailing the post
Ohh. You are one of those.
Go away this is not the right thread for you.

Before they’ve died? What a horrible unfeeling comment.

Are you ok? Your brain seems to have malfunctioned

Book ahead?!? ‘Righto Gladys pet, this is all dragging on a bit unnecessarily, the funeral is booked for a week on Tuesday so off you pop. Yep anytime between now and Saturday would be great thanks, just close your eyes and think of the great beyond, that’s it, gently does it off you go, we’ve got a funeral to attend’ 🙄🙄

I do wonder if some posters are quite alright.

OP, I completely understand your thoughts, not going is absolutely an option if you don’t feel like it would help. Funerals are for the living so if you don’t want to go it’s a completely reasonable choice.

We managed to get the crem inside two weeks. We then had a church service/life celebration later on.

by the end is was also in the boat of ‘this needs to be over and done with now’.

🌷

I agree, when I was young it was about 2 weeks, and that seemed much better. It marked an end point, the worst of the grieving was over. People would go to the food and drinks after the funeral, and you'd see the mood visibly lighten and people start to relax and share interesting stories and catch up.

Then life continued, pretty much back to normal for most. I think now it feels like people are held in limbo, unable to move on, knowing they still have this to get through.

I actually preferred having five weeks between my mother’s death and her funeral. I could not have coped with doing it any more quickly – 3-4 days blows my mind; we were barely standing 3-4 days later – and we would not have been able to organise what we did on such short notice. As it was, it was “perfect” (aside from the part where I didn’t want it to be happening at all).

But it’s understandable not everyone feels that way and a fast-track system would be good.

I've said to my dc I'd rather have a direct cremation and they go for a picnic at the local park. I said to only hold a funeral if they feel it will help them.