To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

My son is autistic and holidays are hard work. I find a routine helps massively. So example-

Monday-
7am Breakfast/dress
9am 1 hour screens (do housework prepare for day)
10 go to interactive museum (free due to year pass) take pack up
3pm play board games/toys
4pm screens (make tea)
5pm tea
6pm dad entertains kids
7pm start bedtime

Tuesday we will do park and dentists, if it's raining a movie
Wednesday is McDonald's and ice skating then Thursday and Friday they are with grandparents.

Ds is 10 and probably up until 9 him and most of his friends were very much like this in terms of Duracell bunny energy. He’d tart dancing next to me or say ‘we’re playing chasing’, tip me and start running. I explained to him that there were times I was busy and he needed to give me time to get things done or else everything would fall apart, sometimes it worked, sometimes I got a hurt look. He did ease off a bit though but to be honest since he’s my youngest I’d give in a lot and have fun. (Really not helpful I know!!!)

edited to add I made him play a bit with the others or on his own too, set him tasks etc, worked fifty percent of the time!! I will say try not to send her to screens to give you respite, now he’s older it’s a battle I face and I’d rather his default was the old ways!!!

You need to start her getting used to playing on her own. Set her a timer and say she must play on her other win for that set amount everyday and keep increasing it.

same with reading. Same with learning. You can sit next to her but even if she tantrums. Let her then when she’s down she can come back to it. You have to giver her the tools to persevere. And wrap her up and take her to the park.

Also so the same for sitting still and quietly. 1/2/3 min daily. Sit quiet and think.

This is true. Girls often don't get diagnosed until much later unlike boys. A CAMHS practitioner told me addiction and self harm is much high in girls with additional needs.

Children like OP’s DD end up with ‘genuine problems’ when they suffer from low self esteem due to undiagnosed additional needs. Addiction, self harm, anxiety - all a result of unmet needs in school and at home.

Reminds me of my DS with ADHD.

He is impeccably behaved at school except he struggles to concentrate / daydream / fiddles.

He's chilled out a bit now he's 12, I think he gets more exhausted by school. But still constantly moving / climbing / talking unless on a screen. He does play obsessively the same games with the same toys by himself. Your DD may require body doubling. Luckily my other DC will play with him a lot.

We bought a gorilla gym and a trampoline which both help with sensory input and movement in the house.

I tend to agree

They definitely need to learn how to amuse themselves

My dm had 3 of us and I did as well and you need to get on.

Sympathies, DC were euphemistically cashed "lively personalities" by school. Friends named ds "running boy" and we got lots of 'god he's like the Duracell bunny isn't he?' type comments. Despite the school (both primary and secondary) being adamant there was no reason to refer (but weirdly putting in measures like body breaks and sit/stand routines) he now has an ADHD diagnosis. Top tips, the GP really really does not need a school referral to refer...Get bossy with school and ask to observe DD in class, ask what interventions they have put in (for reading etc). At home, clubs are a godsend. We found sports where you had to be reactive or team sports good. Martial arts (we found a fab judo club, tried kick boxing but it was full of ADHD +oppositional kids so not great, judo was more controlled), hockey, tennis, football.... Anything with lots of immediate feedback. Lots of walks, trampolining (a god send in the garden) oh and try and see if there is a parkour club near you. Max strength fish oils helped a bit. You have to tag team as a parent otherwise it's knackering....And if your other DC is not quite as 'on' as your daughter you'll need to give them some protected space. Luckily for us dc2 is just as lively, albeit that makes for double trouble. Try not to worry, dc1 is on meds, predicted good A levels and is mostly a lovely chap...

Honestly? It's a case of managing her expectations by ignoring her, she will learn to accept that you need to do the washing up!

Kids need to learn to be bored, to abuse themselves etc and there's a generation of children who can't because their parents fill their days constantly (yes I know it's not every family, I'm generalising). I know parents who are sahp and have their dc in 10+ classes and groups a week under the age of 3, it's crazy in my mind, then it's full time preschool, school, classes after school and at weekends so come the school holidays they don't know how to amuse themselves. Completely generalising I reiterate but this isn't uncommon, they looked at me as if I was mad when I suggested giving them an old sheet or duvet cover to play tents with (with table and chairs) last week

That's a real shame as my suggestion was get her into a sports based holiday club. One by me was great for primary age kids in that it was a variety of sports and running around games all day. That would also help her with learning to wait, take turns etc. How does she do with those things specifically at school - waiting to read with the teacher or have work checked and so on? Ask them about that?

I would ask other parents if they know of any clubs. Sometimes people do if their kids do sports. You can say she is super energetic at the moment and needs to burn it off!

Part of your job as a parent is to teach children that they don’t always come first. HTH

Good God! Controversial, you mean parenting is a job! They are not the centre of the universe?

I have just read the ops posts. It’s known that girls mask with ADHD so they may not notice it at school because she’s hiding it.
both of my daughters never got a diagnosis until recently in their 20s because they masked. I asked the school aswell when one of them was 14 and they said there was nothing wrong. Now diagnosed with ADHD and autism. Totally different at home to at school or work.

I think it’s a suggestion that worked for many generations of children up to now. Something has gone badly wrong. Where is the discipline? Where are the boundaries? Part of your job as a parent is to teach children that they don’t always come first. HTH

I don't know, to me it sounds like it might or might not be ADHD. 6 hours isn't necessarily an excessive amount of activity for a 7 year old. In previous generations 7 year olds played outside all day and were much more active than today. I also wonder whether she's an extrovert and you're an introvert? Not everyone needs quiet time to recharge, some people need social contact instead.

Until you can have her assessed it won't hurt to try parenting techniques for ADHD kids and to have very firm boundaries that protect your own wellbeing.

Buy her some age appropriate workbooks.
Mine have a selection of CGP ones that I get from Amazon.
They have various maths books and literacy books (phonics, comprehension etc) and a handwriting book each.
They complete a page from two or three of their books per day.
It really helps calm them down between activities and obviously supports their school learning.
You could make it into a game where you’re “teacher” and you mark it and go through the questions and answers with her after but she has to complete it quietly like at school.

Do you say no to her? Do you say if you want me to do x I need 10 minutes on my own? Have a timer and keep resetting it until she realises she won't get her time if she doesn't respect your boundary.

You need to teach her how to listen and give people time to talk as this will affect her friendships if it hasn't already.

If she does have ADHD her brain is constantly searching for dopamine hits

Humans like dopamine. They can't have it all the time.

I wish people would stop medicalizing a 7 year old who has too much energy, is too demanding and lives with a somewhat fatigued and skint Mum.

DC2’s school threw me off the scent too. Tested DC2 for dyslexia, autism, ADHD, OCD and a few other things. All results normal.

i asked DC2’s dyslexia assessor how the school could have got it wrong and she said it is easy for bright kids to pass the school tests. I guess much the same was true with the ADHD test.

@Sacredhandbag what is her sleeping like?

(Apologies if you have said, I have whooshed through the thread and tried to put a lid on my simmering rage at all these people who really do not understand what it is like to be a parent to a neurodivergent child)

I also agree this strongly suggests ADHD to me. I have my own AuDHD DS, and your description of your DD sounds so like my friend’s DD (just one year older) who has just been diagnosed with ADHD (and also has dyslexia).
Since this girl was a toddler, she has been the most enormous ball of energy - never stops, always so loud (like inappropriately loud, regardless of the setting), constantly scaling walls and fences and trees, just a total kamikaze child. She also goes 0-100 in a millisecond if she thinks she is being criticised or told off - like a total red mist descends.
Issues at school only came up relatively recently (beyond the dyslexia which was picked up a year or two ago) - when she was really starting to struggle in social relationships (often related to her lashing out). Such an impulsive child, but she is good at heart, she isn’t mean or spiteful, and she genuinely feels a lot of empathy with others - it’s just that split-second impulse thing where she ends up going down a path she shouldn’t. She is not disruptive in class, but she definitely finds it hard to keep a lid on her energy.

There’s lots of really good advice and support out there - I recommend doing some reading about ADHD in girls, and if you think it chimes, have a look at the ADHD Foundation, who have lots of info and support on offer.

Sounds like ADHD.

Another upvote for playdates and sports/exercise. For half term I've organised 5 swimming lessons (one eact morning) and 3 afternoon playdates.

It's still going to be bloody hard and I know I will have a perma-headache by about Wednesday.

I'm not op but "has she ever been told no" is really not the genius suggestion you think it is.

Yes, of course, she has been told no. Repeatedly, a billion times a day. Sometimes I say it nicely, sometimes I say it firmly, sometimes I say it crossly, I even occasionally snap and shout it. I also sometimes say yes, sometimes I say not right now, sometimes I give long explanations, sometimes I don't give any, the whole gamut of responses.

When your child makes 100 demands an hour, of course they hear "no" in response to some of them.

Sounds exactly like my DD and I'm positive she has ADHD although we don't have a diagnosis. To be honest, I'm not sure what the point of getting a diagnosis would be if a child isn't objectively suffering or disruptive to the point of school problems. It seems very selfish to medicate a child just so adults can have a bit of peace at home. If there are school attendance issues, MH issues, or other serious impacts from ADHD then it would make sense. But a little girl with excessive energy who genuinely enjoys her life otherwise doesn't seem like a fair candidate for medication.

I just try my best to grin and bear it during the holidays. I try to include at least one activity outside the house right after breakfast so she gets some energy out. I also notice she has hobbies where she can hyper focus and play by herself, and we encourage that. This includes building Lego sets, drawing/crafting, playing certain iPad games etc.

I'd also argue that screentime is not the enemy of ADHD kids. Their brains need more stimulation and some age-appropriate video games can supply that without being detrimental. Look into imaginary play apps like Toca World, Avatar World or AHA World. All of those are like virtual dollhouses/worlds were children can build their own characters, stories and settings. They're amazing for developing imagination and narrative skills.

My first thought was can you invite her friends round? I found ingot a teal break when the children had another child to play with

I just got to this thread so my comment probably won't get noticed as its page 5... but I just wanted to say op, I feel the same about my dd (although she's only 4).

It's so hard, I'm getting physical stress symptoms whenever I have to look after both my kids at once for long periods. (I have a 1yo as well). I literally start feeling stressed when I head home from work, knowing that the onslaught of whining, wailing, demanding, complaining is about to start.

People who make glib suggestions "just say no, tell her off" have absolutely no idea what I'm going through.

It does help to keep her busy but it's a different kind of exhausting coming up with 50 different 10-minute activities to fill the day.