To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

Have a look at things like gorilla gym, a trampette, pogo ball, skip-its - things she can use independently to get rid of excess energy

When I looked at the ADHD questionnaires the school did, the signs were there but more muted. Not unusual especially for girls to be able to put on a show of paying attention. DD's primary thought she had a UTI at one stage. She was going on regular walks to the toilet she could look out of the window...

100% this. My now 15 DD was just the same as a child. We called her “the diva”. We moved and she started a new school. The teachers there flagged up they thought she had ADHD. I ignored it “not MY child!”. Seriously i just thought she was a spoilt (my own fault) youngest child. When she started high school (and puberty) wow!!! It was clear she had it. Her high school made the initial steps to refer her and I opened my mind. Her assessment and diagnosis was quick in the grand scale of things. First appointment to medication about 10 months….. her ADHD doctor said she has other ND conditions but the ADHD takes precedence. She also seems to have ODD ASD and a bit of Tourette’s..
Try to flag this up now whilst she’s young. Luckily my daughter is kind of ok now, she won’t take her meds as she wants to be true to herself and doesn’t mask. She’s funny, clever, very adult for her age in some ways etc but no sense of danger or consequences. I watch her like a hawk. She also understands immensely how her ADHD affects her and refers to it as an entity of its own. Your little one may well just be a little diva (in a nice way I mean) but if for one moment you think there could be something else, start looking into helping her. I wish I had listened a few years ago that’s for sure!!!

I also think you need answers from the school about the lack of progress.

One thing that might be available in a half term is a bit of tutoring. 1-1 could be really helpful. It's quite common these days for there to be a tutoring place on high streets where you can book in for English sessions.

Don’t assume the school teachers know best, or wait for them to act.

We paid privately for DS to see a Paediatric Neurologist and he was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. Interestingly, the school completed the questionnaire saying that he was basically fine with everything even though he clearly wasn’t, and had already had a diagnosis of Dyspraxia! The Neurologist didn’t seem remotely surprised by their response either. 😱

@user2848502016 I'm sure that is well meant advice but if you have a DD like mine (or the OP's) it'd probably be easier to just get them to have a full personality transplant.

It's not great to communicate to kids that everything about them is wrong.

Sometimes they're just stuck with a family with lower energy levels.

I can so so relate to this. Especially the great sprawling games with multiple sets of figures and "I just need..." constantly adding bits on until it's covered the room 🤣

@Sacredhandbag my son is younger, only 5 but very full on. Duracell bunny comments galore every time we're out with him or family are over. He watches a short film whilst bouncing and spinning but takes everything in then wants to re enact it scene by scene after.

I assume you've tried most things and there's already been many suggestions so I don't want to repeat. But one thing we've just stumbled on that gives us 10/20 minutes some days - music on headphones for him! He loves listening to classic rock on headphones. He'll sit on the sofa bobbing his head and flipping through a book in his own little world and it's kind of adorable tbh!

Girls are notorious for masking ADHD. It’s in their home environments with family they can feel safe to unmask and a lot of the behaviours you describe sound very much like the traits. I’m saying that from experience as my 11 yo DD with ADHD was very similar. She would talk non stop and demand constant attention. She still does to an extent but has learnt to channel it as she’s gotten older and her phone (unfortunately or fortunately I’m still not sure?) provides a distraction speaking to friends, playing games etc.
I remember feeling washed out in holidays. Is your DD difficult to get to bed? Mine is 😩

Can you turn downtime into a game and play "The Silent Game" in the meantime? The winner is the one who can stay silent for the longest.

All i can say is that i'd give anything to go back to my boys being like that.

My youngest is almost 18 and starts full time work with his brother (19) after half term.

This time will pass before a blink of an eye and you'll regret wishing it away.

Is there a possibility of ADHD?

My DD (diagnosed with ADHD and ASD at 7) was a lot like this. Shame about the holiday clubs. Have you done a proper, thorough search for those? Round here as well as the branded ones (Supercamps etc) and school based ones, the local tennis club and cricket club do them, plus one of the cookery teachers and several of the gyms (higher rate for non members usually). You can also look at the "local offer" on your LA website and that might have some leads. What do other parents at school do if they're working?

Maybe there's a BMX Club, scooter, skateboard, football? Get DH asking around too.

Swingball? Trampoline? Basketball hoop? (Get DH to Decathlon...)

I booked 1-1 swimming one holiday and DD learnt all the tumble turns. Local libraries normally have quite a bit on as do National Trust and English Heritage.

DD was also slow to read and I had her doing Reading Eggs and Maths Seeds at that age plus Teach Your Monster to Read (those are all research backed). Toca Boca is also good - the hairdressing, lab and cooking games for instance.

Animal Crossing on the Switch has quite a lot of dialogue.

Wii Fit Just Dance? We got a second hand one on Ebay.

We watched a LOT of long running series on the BBC at this stage: Tracy Beaker and all the spin offs; Operation Ouch; Malory Towers. Stuff with a lot of drama, relationships and shouting...

Regarding the inability to wait, if she is ND she may be more like a 5 year old in terms of skills. My DD is older now but Alexa timers work quite well to take the "heat" out of being told to wait.

It stands out to me that you say she can "barely read".
At 7 years old, she is presumably in year 2 or 3?
What do school have to say about this specific issue?
If they are adamant that do not see that she has special needs, what is their explanation for this lack of academic progress?

amzn.eu/d/hfozp1P

Definitely this book - accepting no is one chapter

That sounds exhausting. Reading the op I was expecting you to say she is 3 or 4. I would be concerned at this point, especially about the reading. I think I would speak to the school again after half term.

You say you explain to DD what she can and can't do etc.
Also explain what you are prepared to do - or not do, Op. Then stick to it. For example don't go back to look at the Barbies and when DD runs and cries for you to join her just say you are cooking or what ever and she is to go back and play by herself until the clock says 4.

Teach DD to lie down in her room and have a quiet no talking rest looking at picture books or with her eyes closed for five minutes - extending to ten. Try this after active outside play and after finishing her homework. Lie down beside her and both rest. In the car play the "Who can make this lolly last the longest, and if you talk you are out!" game.

Patiently teach your daughter crafts like knitting and crochet.
She can be near you but entertained. Buy her wool and suggest she designs vests and rugs for herself and her toys.
You might need her to learn at a craft club but when she learns she will be absorbed.

Have one room, or the veranda or garage where DD can move about under cover. Install a large mirror and a radio/CD player. Encourage her to make up dances and ask her to go there when she is too active in the quiet living rooms.

Does she have play equipment in the garden? Ask/order her to go outside and play (for 15 minutes) if she is too needy. Have an analogue clock on display.

Reward your DD when she is calm and reasonable by playing card games, cooking, reading to her etc. at least a few times each day.

@MonaLisaDoesntSmile as per my previous post, the GP can’t do anything without the school completing the required paperwork.

@Mumofoneandone it’s nothing to do with the GP.

GPs can’t refer kids for ADHD assessment without supporting paperwork from school. Where I work (and I have no reason to think other CAMHS departments are any different elsewhere in the UK) there are 2 forms to complete - one by school and one by parents. Some schools will have their own pro-forma, but if not, CAMHS have one they can use. As a GP, I literally can’t complete a referral without both forms. There’s a box I have to tick, and if I don’t tick it, the referral won’t send. There is no other referral pathway, other than patient-initiated private referrals. So the school have to be on board, otherwise it’s a non-starter.

Maybe it’s her brain she needs to tire out more, not just physical exercise..? Can she do for example jig saws (by herself then obviously) for a set amount of time?

Is it that school aren’t seeing it or that they don’t recognise what they’re seeing?

I honestly think my mum could have written this post 30 years ago and I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. All my reports talk about a lack of self control, being too chatty and not applying myself enough but I was never really naughty so these behaviours were attributed to enthusiasm/excitement.

I’d go back over school reports and talk to her teachers about her behaviour to see if she’s genuinely a different child in school or they’re adhering to a stereotypical idea of ADHD as v naughty under performing children.

Your child could be masking at school- masking is a very common thing for girls in particular to do. If the SENCO and the GP never heard of it, they need to read up on it.
Push for diagnosis!

@hettie

Sounds like a nightmare

I think it's quite normal though for dc to make mess when your back is turned

Mine did throw the cushions everywhere

Well yes of course, but if you've got a seven year old with no impulse control, very little consequential thinking and a high need for stimulation you'd be surprised by what can go wrong when you leave them to amuse themselves.
You have to of course ...hoping you've made the environment safe enough. Funnily enough they were great at playing by themselves, creative endless energy etc. But it was a bit boundless at times (turning all the lounge furniture into an assault course/seeing who could chuck the littlest the highest on the trampoline/climbing to the top of everything at great speed with no plan of how to get down). So as a parent you have to be that much more on it. There was never any quiet playing with Lego or colouring in or crafting. Everything was attacked with vigour and high energy.... Playmobil figures would become part of an elaborate game with the octonaut figures which escalated into an underwater battle between the sofas. Which if you weren't careful would quickly involve buckets of water or muddy goo...
I mean they were entertaining but knackering.
I was incredibly consistent with my two. There was always a consequence for poor behaviour. They knew the expectations and were given clear warnings/reminders if going off track. But with poor impulse control they still would (and be incredibly remorseful because they genuinely hadn't meant to use all dad's bean pies to build a wigwam in the bedroom..... They just got carried away in the moment whilst I was on a 20 min work call)

she sounds energetic and n need of boundaries and structure at home. But also sticking to it. Reinforce the boundary, insist sticking to her timings. Insist on finishing a task. Insist on reading. And when she fills up the chart of Completed task, she came get a reward of chosen activity or extra mum playtime etc.

at 7 they’re always buzzing, but saying no to constant involved play is fine.

OP gently you daughter needs to hear the word no a lot more. She is ruling the roost and because it’s exhausting (I get it) you either give in or don’t enforce boundaries.

Jumping on you - Thats hurting someone against their will. Not acceptable and needs to have a consequence. Explaining after isn’t going to help:

Too bad if she doesn’t like being on her own - she needs to learn. You can’t entertain her all the time. When she ‘makes you play’, take the doll, hand it back to her and say I said I’m not playing now no. If she does it again take the dolls away.

I really think if you take more control of the situation you will feel better.