To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

I haven't read the whole thread so this may be irrelevant. But I'd highly recommend watching this lecture by Dr Russell Barclay, about parenting children with ADHD. Even if she doesn't have ADHD there is a lot in it that is so helpful in dealing with a high-intensity child.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzBixSjmbc8eFl6UX5_wWGP8i0mAs-cvY&si=vwbQPCB3fQfUPdhN

@MonaLisaDoesntSmile can I ask what area you practise in as a GP?
I can assure you, on the CAMHS referral form for ASD/ADHD in my area, there is a question and a statement. “Have you enclosed the form completed by the child’s school? Referrals without a school report will not be processed.” Ifnthere isn’t a school report attached, CAMHS will literally not look at the referral. I have no idea what home schooled pupils do, but I can’t lie and pretend a child is home schooled when they aren’t.

Some of my friends started doing Park Run with their daughters around this age.

I mean for me that wouldn't work unless a tiger was chasing me, but I have spent hours and hours in pools with her and watching her go round and round pump tracks and up and down clip and climb.

Girls' soccer is a good idea. There are a lot of new opportunities there.

The whinging out of the house may be a lack of control/power. DD has PDA-type autism and needs to feel she has some agency in the activity. Although at 7 I could generally chivvy her into doing it, I couldn't force her to enjoy it obviously.

What's DD's relationship with her brother like?

Siblings Without Rivalry might be helpful. My friend has two close in age kids who clash (also older boy, younger girl) and says it's good.

I suspect my daughter has ADHD though. School would never agree but girls tend to mask pretty well.

This is key! Girls do mask very well and not enough is known about girls and ND so many go undiagnosed.

My DDs school kept saying there is nothing wrong with our dd, but then they had an independent SENCO come in for a year and he said straight away dd was showing autistic traits, her behaviour at home was classic autism but she’s masking in school. He also said that even though the signs are there girls don’t necessarily present until they are older. Right now no intervention is needed based on what school have observed but he is certain she will start needed help as she navigates puberty and her teens.

Im not saying this is your DD op, but quite often girls are not as easy to diagnose.

I think the idea of finding an activity dd loves and takes her out of the house for long periods is good. What about football clubs, girls football, is massive around here. There is a girl in my DDs class who plays for several teams, her weekends are filled with games, competitions etc.. your dd sounds just like her she never stops, I regularly see her out running around her estate. Not suggesting your dd do that at 7;but you could maybe look at some kind of long distance running too so she’s always on the go just not at home.

Yeah, my 12 year old still finds it extremely hard to be alone, to the point that one of us still sits in her room at night. She needs a lot of company and physical closeness.

On the plus side she's very sociable and great at making friends so as we've never restricted screens particularly, has a bunch of mates she can video call or parallel play games with. She's actually got quite good with peer relationships (all that Tracy Beaker and Malory Towers viewing?!) and I often find her counselling others, giving advice or dobbing in naughty boys who are swearing at each other (she was "digital leader" in year 6).

One does have to be very careful coming out of the shower though in case such socialising is taking place nearby 😂.

Can you confirm what does happen at school then? Is she always talking there/ does she do her work? If she does then I think you'll have to lose your shit a bit with her. I guess I'm a bitch but this is a role-play of what I'd loudly say if one of my kids threw a ball at me in that way:

'How dare you throw a ball inside, and at me, when I'm working?! You find something to do until I have finished what I'm doing, and then you ask if I will play catch, not demand!'

If she rides rough-shod over you then that is because she knows she holds the power. You need to remind her that you are still in shaping her behaviour appropriately for society.

But mine never realised this. She still doesn’t at 18. And sanctions don’t work.

Yes humans do love dopamine, well done. 👏
People with ADHD don’t produce enough dopamine, hence their constant need to search it out. HTH
At least educate yourself on a topic if you can’t control yourself enough not to comment.

Do school see the inability to keep trying at a task if she doesn't get it straight away? Does she cry like that there? And you've said she can barely read - do they see her as behind in this? All these things could be evidence of something even if she is masking other behaviours in school.

Give them screen time, whatever, just tell them you don't want to see their face for the next half-hour. 7 is old enough in most cases to understand that, just like they need time to decompress, you do too. If they don't respect that, put consequences in place. There are some children who may be physically unable to leave you alone, yes, but others will just have hurt feelings which they will get over when they realise Mummy is a person who needs a rest sometimes as well.

I kinda doubt that tbh.

Because every ADHD kid will do this😂

Tell her to go away because you need some peace.

@Sacredhandbag
It sounds like she could possibly be ND. ND girls can often ‘mask’ at school, so I wonder if that could be happening here?
The Witherslack Group are great at giving advice, running webinars, support packs etc for parents of children with possible ND/SEN. I’d recommend having a look at this: Recognising ADHD In Girls - Witherslack Group
If you think it’s relevant, you could even print it off and highlight any symptoms you think your daughter exhibits, make notes next to it etc and you could maybe show it to school as ‘evidence’ if needed.

You might also find this useful: ADHD in girls: The masked workers - Twinkl Digest Education News

Best wishes for managing half term!

My DS used to be full on - as soon as we got in bed want to start doing something - normally that involved me! What I found is he needed consistent boundaries.

She sounds exactly like my autistic 6 year old (who is also waiting for an ADHD assessment).

If she's bored and wants things to do tell her to go clean her room. She will soon dissappear and amuse herself

Surely she's the same at playtimes?

What's she like on playdates?

If she's NT then you're going to have to be very firm with No, not now.

School say no of course not, she's fine at school. GP says all okay if school say it is.

It's 2025 peeps and there are huge numbers of adult females being diagnosed on a daily basis. They all went through school, possibly had parents who asked questions and all slipped through the net.

Make an appointment at school for a dedicated chat about what you see at home. Get a full fun down of the school day and what goes on there. See a different GP. It doesn't sound like typical 7 year old behaviour so just keep making noise until someone actually listens.

If school think a 7 year old who can't read isn't a flag I would be moving schools. They're truly clueless.

It doesn't have to be school for sure

It could be the instructor of a regular hobby she attends

A holiday club provider

Etc

There is a lot of crossover with dyslexia in children with ADHD.

Between 25% and 40% (according to studies) of people with one also have the other.

So that's something else you may want to consider with the reading.

Both of mine hated to read but around your DD age they got into comics and will read them avidly.

Actual novels are still a challenge though.

They absolutely can. What would happen with children who are homeschooled?

School needs to partake a dialogue with the mum re: masking. I filled in paperwork for a number of students who didn't show anything in school that would be out of norm but all 5 got a diagnosis based on what parents provided.
I would hope professionals these days have a much better understanding of masking (especially in girls) and the fact that ADD/ADHD can present very differently in school at at home.
School need to also be aware of masking as is anyone doing the referral and taking part in the process. The fact the child does not present certain behaviour in school does not mean the diagnosis is not achievable.

readingeggs.com/schools/signup/gaw_d/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAk8G9BhA0EiwAOQxmfiONcaN5iNHrBZOgk8qHZra-9R0-N180BTd2_d5Gt4GDBciew8gcxBoCEyIQAvD_BwE

www.teachyourmonster.org/

Some of these traits are similar to my youngest dc. My older two and husband all already diagnosed with adhd.

Id be pushing for a diagnosis. At 7 not being able to read should be a red flag at school.