To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

Right, but what I'm suggesting that OP tells her than mummy's taking X minutes, and within that time, unless there's an emergency or she'd injured, she's not allowed to come back or call. It is doable (I had a parent who WFH quite a lot before it was common and I was quite used to being quiet during a long phone call or whatever, if I was told to, from three). It's just going to require a will of iron in the first week or so before the child gets used to the new house rules. It's like anything else - have the rule, introduce consequences for breaking the rule, and then (the crucial part), don't budge. Don't say "play quietly for half an hour now or you won't be allowed to watch TV later" or whatever and then give in on the TV thing. Even toddlers know the difference between an adult who makes empty threats and one who means what they say. There's nothing wrong with teaching a child this age that they can't be the centre of everybody's attention whenever they want to be, absolutely 24/7. They'll have to learn to wait for the teacher's attention at school and so on. It's a perfectly OK thing to do.

I'm surprised that that's what you did in Year 6.

That's the kind of thing I was doing in Year 1 or 2 at a push. By Year 6, we had separate classes for maths, science, art, English etc. and certainly no afternoons full of crafts or sports.

Well I'm in my fifties and this was what we did in reception and year 1. By year 6 we had individual lessons in English, maths, science, humanities, French etc.

We did play out a lot but kids who were on the streets "all hours" were frowned upon (their families not the children).

From what I remember the "different" kids tended to disappear into special schools by about Y5. The "naughty" kids however were just hit and/or lived in detention.

Not entirely a system I remember fondly.

I am old enough to recall this lifestyle and the odd kid at school who presented as " different".
In year 6 we had a notebook, the bottom half we wrote a few sentences, the top we did a picture. Then we did a few sums. The afternoon craft or netball. Then the teacher read a story.

God help you OP.
That sounds like absolute hell on earth.

Yes true

They'd be out all day playing with their friends and not seen or heard from until tea time.

What would these sorts of dc do a few generations back when their dps had very little leisure time and were constantly doing chores.

Pretending your kid and your parenting challenges are just like those of others (if they're not typical) isn't particularly helpful to addressing them

What is typical though I wonder? A 7 year old isnt a fully formed adult. Their brains are not fused, they are in a state of flux.

Of course, no one can diagnose.

Those of us who've recognised the behaviour have merely pointed out that our similar kids were diagnosed later on.

Pretending your kid and your parenting challenges are just like those of others (if they're not typical) isn't particularly helpful to addressing them.

In OP's case she's got an "easier" older child so something to compare to.

I'm sure it must be awful to be the younger sibling perceived "difficult" though!

I don't think it helps anybody to diagnose on the basis that their child may be somewhat like the daughter of the OP.

Nobody knows.

I suppose this type of challenge comes from having no extended family to help. Its a very intense and suffocating realtionship being with a demanding child 24/7

Keep going OP, try the timetable idea.

Which is why OP should take her daughter to the GP.

ADHD is a medical need, with medication options for treatment. If your child had Type I diabetes, you wouldn’t withhold insulin.

I don't think anyone is saying that?

I found having a diagnosis was extremely helpful and validating for me as a parent (it's depressing to be trying super hard yet nothing works), gave me more idea of what approaches I should be looking at and also meant school took us seriously finally.

Parenting is all one has really - it's not like diagnosis comes with any particular support or advice in this country.

🥱

But your not a peadiatrician or a psychiatrist you've never met op daughter . Not every child needs labeling so it's important to try lots of different parenting techniques until something works or she's told differently from a qualified medical professional. Saying it sounds like adhd so no point in parenting her it won't work isn't helpful

Yes I think quite a few of us on here recognise the behaviour.

It's tough as a parent because you feel like you're trying way harder than the other parents you know but to less effect.

OP, this is a book that helped me a lot:

amzn.eu/d/4xXyDJI

The op’s daughter demonstrates exactly the same behaviours as my ADHD daughter. Therefore l suspect she maybe ND

A d my daughter would never do as asked. Nor would she play alone for longer than 30 seconds and wanted constant attention.

But where not talking about your daughter where talking about op daughter as thats who the thread is for, not you and most 7 year olds are capable of doing chores.

@Sacredhandbag in the new schedule, why not include 3 slots of 30 minutes for teaching her how to read? This will help her focus mentally beyond her comfort zone so will help tire her out a bit. See if having reading slots causes her to go into a melt down.

so say, I agree to play with you for 30 mins and after that 30 mins reading together or learn how to read for 30 mins. Include chores as well. Some kids leave parents alone for up to 1 hour as they know the moment they appear to ask to play, mum gives them a job to do. She needs to learn boundaries.

It's OK to tell her "mummy's having quiet time for half an hour" or whatever and say she needs to play quietly in the next room

No chance. Dd would honestly try. She does care, when I'm clearly burnt out, she tries to give me a bit of peace. But for her, 5 minutes feels like hours. I'd be lucky to get even ten minutes of peace. Half an hour of peace and quiet would never happen unless she was asleep or abducted by aliens.

Yeah that’s pretty much what I was imagining.

She will tidy her room fine if I do it with her as a game/race/challenge. She'll do anything useful if I do it with her as a game.

But using "tidy your room" as a means of getting her out of my hair? Absolutely no chance. There is no way to get her constant neediness out of my face except diverting it to someone else (ie her dad, grandparents, school) or maybe TV.

They do understand.

But they’re like boomerangs. They just keep coming back.

l remember when my daughter was 5 or so, I’d nip upstairs to get dressed. I’d get pants, bra and jeans on ( but not zipped up) before she called for me. Without fail. And this would carry on all day.

Yeah some of the glib advice on here is unrealistic.

This is how it would go.

Dd, if you're bored, go tidy your room.
Noooooo! You said I could XYZ! [Watch TV etc]
No, I didn't say that. You can xyz after you tidy your room.
Aaaargh OKAY! (Disappears for ten seconds. Returns.)
It's lonely tidying by myself! You never make [1yo brother] tidy his room! I'm hungryyyyyy! Can I have an apple? You never give me any treats! I'm so hungry!
You just had lunch, you shouldn't have left most of it uneaten. OK you can have an apple if you take it to your room and keep tidying.
[Disappears again, returns in ten seconds]
I'm so booooored! You never play with me! Anyway I've been tidying for hours!!!

This is one option of how it would go. The other options include me being stern, losing my temper, threatening to remove privileges, bribing, wheedling, whatever happens, the outcome is pretty much the same.