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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

317 replies

Sacredhandbag · 15/02/2025 10:35

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

OP posts:
ButterflyGrace · 16/02/2025 19:08

I'd highly recommend a 'now and next board for her'. So she can see that now it is 'movie' and next, something of her choice like playing catch etc.

Hmm1234 · 16/02/2025 19:05

Ohh she isn’t an only child! In that case shove her in the play area with her siblings and tell her to leave you alone it’s quiet time for mummy now!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 16/02/2025 19:03

Hmm1234 · 16/02/2025 18:34

She sounds like my son who just turned four, it’s a thing called only child syndrome. I am sending him to holiday club this half term and visiting the grandparents

My ds was an only only until age 8.

He was the easiest kid ever.

Yellowpens · 16/02/2025 19:02

Sounds like me at that age and I’m now late diagnosed ADHD.

My brain never switches off, I need constant engagement/stimulation.

A few years back my mum admitted to me that as a child I exhausted her and she resented me for it.

I always felt on the outside in my family and at school, struggled/still do to connect with like-minded people.

School are reachers, they are not qualified to identify neurodivergence in children. I’d do your own research and see if ND is a possibility.

Phineyj · 16/02/2025 19:02

Also, she's not an only child 😂

FiveWhatByFiveWhat · 16/02/2025 19:01

Hmm1234 · 16/02/2025 18:34

She sounds like my son who just turned four, it’s a thing called only child syndrome. I am sending him to holiday club this half term and visiting the grandparents

It isn't "only child" syndrome FFS. My friend has an only, he plays independently with trains for ages. Mine is similar to op's daughter but younger and not quite as intense. My other friend had a 2nd thinking it would make them less demanding as they'd "just play with eachother" and it has not worked out that way at all. My neighbours 2 girls do play really well together though. It's almost as if it's partly down to individual personalities, isn't it?!

Also, op explicitly states she has another child so try at least reading properly before posting bs 🙄

ImthatBoleyngirl · 16/02/2025 18:53

My DD was very similar. She was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago when she was 12. If it's any consolation, she's still a chatty little thing but is an absolute pleasure to be with.

Phineyj · 16/02/2025 18:43

DD aged about 6 or 7 once talked a paid, experienced babysitter into driving her to a toyshop. Fortunately this was stopped by my neighbour (whose number I'd given the babysitter in case, as we were at a matinée).

Some kids are really persuasive. Mothers/carers are only human.

everythingthelighttouches · 16/02/2025 18:39

Hmm1234 · 16/02/2025 18:34

She sounds like my son who just turned four, it’s a thing called only child syndrome. I am sending him to holiday club this half term and visiting the grandparents

No it isn’t

suburburban · 16/02/2025 18:36

Dogsbreath7 · 16/02/2025 18:32

OP you are complaining about your daughter complaining. Listen to yourself. She has needs as a parent give them to her!

she sounds like she has adhd. But no she isn’t a child with additional needs she is just annoying to you. FS what a parent.

Speak to school about getting her assessed - the assessment needs school and home behaviours to be assessed. GP might be able to support the assessment form.

but really show some compassion. And educate your self on adhd in girls.

And so does her poor mother

Hmm1234 · 16/02/2025 18:34

She sounds like my son who just turned four, it’s a thing called only child syndrome. I am sending him to holiday club this half term and visiting the grandparents

SpiritOfEcstasy · 16/02/2025 18:34

At seven I would consider setting aside some time every day specifically to play with her …maybe half an hour and explaining that when the time is up you have other things to do and cannot be her entertainment. She needs boundaries.

Dogsbreath7 · 16/02/2025 18:32

OP you are complaining about your daughter complaining. Listen to yourself. She has needs as a parent give them to her!

she sounds like she has adhd. But no she isn’t a child with additional needs she is just annoying to you. FS what a parent.

Speak to school about getting her assessed - the assessment needs school and home behaviours to be assessed. GP might be able to support the assessment form.

but really show some compassion. And educate your self on adhd in girls.

OhcantthInkofaname · 16/02/2025 18:21

Sacredhandbag · 15/02/2025 11:03

I totally agree. It's healthy to be bored!

I encourage her to play by herself and actually she's extremely creative and great at making up games. But she hates playing alone. If I won't join in, she wants me to "watch" her playing. Like actually sit there and stare at her while she plays with her Barbies.

I can't seem to get her to play completely independently, she'll be back after five minutes, demanding involvement.
Playdates are great but I can't arrange one every day nor do I think that's that good for her.

Show quote history

No is a complete sentence.

Festivespirit85 · 16/02/2025 18:14

Sacredhandbag · 15/02/2025 10:35

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

Is she ND? This sounds very much like my friend's daughter who is 12, and is ASD and ADHD.

asrl78 · 16/02/2025 18:09

biscuitsandbooks · 16/02/2025 13:27

They'd be out all day playing with their friends and not seen or heard from until tea time.

Show quote history

Children cannot do that now to anywhere near the level of a few generations back because we have prioritised motor vehicles over people in our urban areas, so many parents have decided it is too dangerous to allow their children out to play unsupervised.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 16/02/2025 18:07

0ohLarLar · 16/02/2025 16:31

No chance. Dd would honestly try. She does care, when I'm clearly burnt out, she tries to give me a bit of peace. But for her, 5 minutes feels like hours.

Thats because she's used to you giving in and entertaining her. What consequences are you giving when she disturbs you when you've told her no?

Children are exactly like dogs. You have to train them from a young age a) not to do bad behaviours and b) to do good ones . Just like dogs if you miss the window to socialise these behaviours when they are younger, its 20 times harder to break them of bad habits.

No it’s not like that if she has ADHD. They wear you down with their unholy persistence.

When Dd was 3 l was falling apart because of her being so demanding. The health visitor intervened, and they a nursery nurse came round one afternoon a week for 3 months ( this was in 2009 when the NHS still worked and Surestart existed) The lovely nursery nurse found her very demanding.

lentilbake16 · 16/02/2025 16:57

What is it about OP's life that has her feeling so worn down? Its absolutely horrible.
I had a kid like that....mantra was Where are going/ What are we doing/ Who is coming.
Exhausting.

lentilbake16 · 16/02/2025 16:54

@Porcuporpoise I went to a particularly undemanding village school. It'd not rose tinted glasses, it was pretty poor in many respects.
We were outside, unsupervised for very many hours.

Icannoteven · 16/02/2025 16:47

My six year old is like this but her dad set her up in Minecraft recently and we enrolled her in keyboard lessons so now she has some hobbies that don’t I involve my input, thank Christ! I highly recommend gaming as a hobby, they get really focussed on that and will give you a good bit of peace!

0ohLarLar · 16/02/2025 16:33

When she jumps on me I tell her not to and if she does it more than once, I will put her in time out. It really hurts when a big seven year old launches themselves on top of you.

Thats why you teach them this stuff when they are 2. My 5 year knows not to even jump on me once and has known for some time now. There's no first chance, its straight to a consequence

0ohLarLar · 16/02/2025 16:31

No chance. Dd would honestly try. She does care, when I'm clearly burnt out, she tries to give me a bit of peace. But for her, 5 minutes feels like hours.

Thats because she's used to you giving in and entertaining her. What consequences are you giving when she disturbs you when you've told her no?

Children are exactly like dogs. You have to train them from a young age a) not to do bad behaviours and b) to do good ones . Just like dogs if you miss the window to socialise these behaviours when they are younger, its 20 times harder to break them of bad habits.

0ohLarLar · 16/02/2025 16:28

How have you reacted to her demands when she was 2 or 3?

She doesnt sound like she is used to being told no, or there being consequences if she doesn't comply.

suburburban · 16/02/2025 16:26

I totally agree

They need training

My dm always said it's them or you and I think she had a point

Elsvieta · 16/02/2025 16:22

RobinHeartella · 15/02/2025 22:19

It's OK to tell her "mummy's having quiet time for half an hour" or whatever and say she needs to play quietly in the next room

No chance. Dd would honestly try. She does care, when I'm clearly burnt out, she tries to give me a bit of peace. But for her, 5 minutes feels like hours. I'd be lucky to get even ten minutes of peace. Half an hour of peace and quiet would never happen unless she was asleep or abducted by aliens.

But it's your choice what you allow and what you don't, right? You could be stricter if you wanted to. If you don't want to - if that's not your chosen parenting style or whatever - that's obviously up to you, but you could. You mentioned in a previous post that your techniques when she's driving you crazy include "bribing, wheedling, threatening to move privileges" - nothing about actually removing privileges. Have you tried that one?

Again, if you don't want to be the "what I say goes" kind of parent, your choice. But it is a choice. You don't have to consider yourself "lucky" to get a few minutes' peace. You're in charge, and you don't have to let a small child rule the roost. It's not actually a matter of luck. Maybe you're able to tolerate the stress of this sort of thing better than the OP, and are happy to go on as you are. But it doesn't sound like she's the sort of person who can go on tolerating her dd's current behaviour, so she might have to become stricter. She doesn't sound very confident in the feeling that she can actually just say no clearly sometimes, and it's not actually child abuse. She seems to have a lot of guilt around it, and to be scared of taking control. But it really sounds like it needs to happen, before she loses her marbles.