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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

317 replies

Sacredhandbag · 15/02/2025 10:35

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

OP posts:
Anon501178 · 17/02/2025 09:51

Sacredhandbag · 15/02/2025 10:35

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

I'm not one who thinks diagnosises should be given lightly, but this sounds like ADHD or possibly ASD to me.
Sending empathy as I am also mum to a needy 7yo with ASD.
Luckily her younger sister keeps her quite occupied which takes the pressure off but she is still a demanding high needs personality and her behaviour can be challenging at times.
What is your daughter like at school?

Discodance1988 · 17/02/2025 08:52

Have you looked into ADHD, my 7 year old DS is ADHD and does similar things although he isn't always so full on with demands etc

lentilbake16 · 17/02/2025 08:41

@Phineyj I suppose everybody comes at this from their own angle. If a person has direct experience of struggling with the system and additional needs I can see it would evoke strong feelings.
My own experience is indirect and direct. I had a child who had certain similarities to the OP. Unsettled, demanding attention and so on. Did he have ADHD? Does he still have it? I'm not sure. People change and develop and grow and their behavious modulates. I think , somehow we have forgotten this.
Indirect experience, professionaly makes me observe the rigours of Primary education which I believe is a contributory factor. If every waking hour is filled with reaching the next target, no wonder children don't want to meander about making models or colouring quietly in their rooms ( as if!)

Festivespirit85 · 17/02/2025 08:37

lentilbake16 · 17/02/2025 07:51

And still it goes on.. " go private". The OP has referred to limited rescources.
" it sounds like ADHD"...the MN experts
" my daughter is the same"....no she's not.

It sounds to me like a lively , talkative child who enjoys playing with friends and is a bit full on. Perhaps her Mum is tired, under pressure,struggling with winter and would like a bit of support.

Please re-read your reply. You've firmly placed yourself in both your categories.

Clearly OP's child isn't just 'a bit full on.' Do you think OP would have written what she had if she thought that herself? 🙄

Phineyj · 17/02/2025 08:29

Why are you so determined to minimise any potential additional needs @lentilbake16? A lot of adults have suffered misery from that kind of attitude. My own sister was one. My mother still bangs on about "labels". It's really damaged our relationship.

And budget notwithstanding, the only way you get any professional help with anything in 2025 Britain is to pay (or be exceedingly lucky or join a very long queue).

In the meantime there are books and other resources where the OP may find others have been through the same challenges and may be able to get tips and ideas.

Ideas other than chin up and try harder!

lentilbake16 · 17/02/2025 07:51

And still it goes on.. " go private". The OP has referred to limited rescources.
" it sounds like ADHD"...the MN experts
" my daughter is the same"....no she's not.

It sounds to me like a lively , talkative child who enjoys playing with friends and is a bit full on. Perhaps her Mum is tired, under pressure,struggling with winter and would like a bit of support.

NavyBee · 17/02/2025 07:15

I would go back to the GP or go private. I don’t think this normal behaviour for her age and I don’t think she’s being naughty or your parenting is at fault. The fact that she manages in school is great but may just mean she can mask/hold it together for a period of time. It’s not unusual for girls (especially) to be underdiagnosed with conditions like ADHD or autism because they show different symptoms to boys/manage to mask and fit in at school in a way boys are less able to.

icclemunchy · 17/02/2025 03:05

If you question them carefully you'll find that what the school mean is "she doesn't do anything that completely disrupts the class."

It was an offhand comment from a teacher that revealed our them Yr 4 DD still couldn't go into class at the beginning of the day and put her bag/coat away/ sit down etc without being constantly distracted and reminded what she needed to do.
When I pointed out to him that that wasn't 'normal' he seemed surprised!!

Glasgowgal200 · 16/02/2025 23:53

You need to tell her that you are busy doing something important at the moment then once you are finished then you will be happy to play with her. Does she not have any friends from school etc she could ask over? I take it she is an only child? Are you a single parent?

Illhaveapeepleasebob · 16/02/2025 23:29

I could have written this post, following with interest

LilySLE · 16/02/2025 23:13

My daughter is autistic with suspected ADHD. She has exactly what you describe about having a meltdown if she is unable to do something first time. She doesn’t have the concept of perseverance, or determination, or practice needed before a new skill can be acquired / perfected. If we suggest that she tries again she takes it as incredibly personal criticism. I have since read somewhere I’m sure that this can be a ND trait.

Dunnowhatimat · 16/02/2025 21:36

Not sure if this'll help, but I was a chatty, curious child. I used to ask loads of questions. So my Dad one day told me I have 20 questions a day I'm allowed to ask and he'll answer, but no more after. It did make me stop and have to think about my questions, especially the last few of the day. It was kinda fun too

mimblewimble · 16/02/2025 21:28

Hi OP, just to add to all the ADHD voices...

Sounds just like my DS who has ADHD (and is autistic, but I don't think that's relevant from what you've written).

Primary school were similar when we raised it. It's taken us until age 13 to get an assessment - difficulties become much more apparent at secondary level.

I always feel guilty I can't give him as much attention as he wants. It's exhausting!

humanassy · 16/02/2025 21:28

Her presentation sounds very ADHD. Very talkative, impulsive, lacks patience, interrupts others, loses temper quickly, can’t play quietly, needs to be on the go. I would speak to your SENCO and GP about a referral if her behaviour impacts as heavily at school as it does as home. Medication can be life changing - many parents view it as a negative thing, but from personal experience, it can be life changing in extremely positive ways.

Original poster
Sacredhandbag · 16/02/2025 21:06

Thanks again for all the helpful comments, I'm genuinely very grateful but it's taking me ages to find time to read them all x

OP posts:
Original poster
Sacredhandbag · 16/02/2025 20:54

Dogsbreath7 · 16/02/2025 18:32

OP you are complaining about your daughter complaining. Listen to yourself. She has needs as a parent give them to her!

she sounds like she has adhd. But no she isn’t a child with additional needs she is just annoying to you. FS what a parent.

Speak to school about getting her assessed - the assessment needs school and home behaviours to be assessed. GP might be able to support the assessment form.

but really show some compassion. And educate your self on adhd in girls.

Excuse me? Did I say "no she isn't a child with additional needs"
No.
Read my posts please, you will also oser that I have spoken to the school. I came here for advice.

OP posts:
Sarahbackinthesaddle · 16/02/2025 20:49

My 8th dd is so full on, and a lot of her friends too.
Endless talking, quite demanding. I empathise!
Roller skating ( I sit and read) or cinema- can't talk in the cinema are my go to for a but if peace!

kalokagathos · 16/02/2025 20:44

She is like my daughter was at that age. ADHD and mild dyslexia. She is exceptional at drama, art, fashion, interior design, cooking, debating, memorising lines with no revision at all, best expression in drama in her year, and she is fully bilingual too (mixed English/ Polish household). Different brains and skills. Enjoy 😉

HJ1989 · 16/02/2025 20:09

I always use the activity my DD wants to do as a 'motivator' and say, if you do XYZ, then we go to park, or pool etc etc, the opposite works too, if you do not do XYZ then no pool etc and definitely put a timer on towards end of activities. I put a 15 min timer on my phone, then say when timer goes off it's bye bye park or whatever activity she's doing, then remind her at 10, 5, 2 and 1 minutes before the end. Can't argue with an alarm! I find if she's doing something wrong or 'silly', or not doing something I have told her to, Counting down from 5 does the trick to get her into action. Maybe you could try those techniques? 🤷‍♀️

That usually works with my child, but then my DD is Just nearly 4yo. It's so hard though, they have so much more energy, I get exhausted just watching her sometimes 🤦🏼‍♀️😖

Fixx · 16/02/2025 19:49

Swimming is great, it’s tiring and relaxing. If you can get to a pool. Fingers crossed she’ll have dinner and fall asleep afterwards 🤞

Midnightlove · 16/02/2025 19:46

Aeiouuoiea · 15/02/2025 11:17

'Tell her off'? What does that entail? Shouting? Detailing what's she's doing wrong and making sure she knows exactly how much you dislike how she is? Punishing her when she does things you don't like? What would those punishments be?

Please don't do this @Sacredhandbag. Of course there need to be boundaries, and they need to be firmly held but 'telling her off' is not the way. Punishing and shaming a child - any child, NT or not - is never the way. All it does is give you, the adult, a little power trip.

Show quote history

That's exactly how I feel, I'm not going to punish my son for wanting me to play with him. I don't want to reject him (although he wouldn't throw a ball at me.. I would tell him off for that)

Midnightlove · 16/02/2025 19:45

My son is 7 and very similar with the neediness and wanting to play all the time. It's very tiring.. I do usually get away with doing jobs for a bit but he will keep asking if I'm done yet etc. Or wind up the dog which he knows annoys me. He's an only child though so I just figured that was the reason 🤷‍♀️

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/02/2025 19:34

It sounds a lot like ADHD to me. Obviously we can’t diagnose as strangers on the internet but the combination of her difficulty with learning and the way she needs constantly interaction or entertainment points that way to me.

Phineyj · 16/02/2025 19:28

Worth actually reading the OP.

There's one brother. 4-5 year age gap depending on birthdays.

lentilbake16 · 16/02/2025 19:08

Only child syndrome? ADHD ? For God's sake the poor OP has said her daughter does well with structure and holiday clubs and less well at home. She also refers to the cold weather and lack of funds.