To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

Girls with ADHD don’t always present as boys often do, especially at school as they are better at masking. The constant talking and stimulation seeking with other people are pretty classic signs of ADHD in girls, my daughter was exactly the same. Schools still often use the criteria more applicable to boys when observing their behaviour and don’t take masking into account. I’d get a second opinion.

I would write to the school and say we’ve discussed her behaviour at home before and you’ve told me she’s completely typical at school. I find this hard to believe given the challenges we have at home. I’d like to ask some specific questions to understand how she is at school - can she stay in her seat for a whole lesson? If not, do other children move just as much? Can she listen to you explain something without interrupting? If she raised her hand can she wait until you’ve called on her? Can she concentrate on a task independently?

as I suspect it’s adhd too, and it will be a battle for diagnosis. We have some of this in our eldest, school don’t see it, the trampoline and basketball hoop are used every day at home. I think he really self regulates on the trampoline.

Most kids would be knackered after both of those things, right?
No, I think most kids would be fine with that. Does she do a sport? Can you find something for her to do regularly and direct her energy? DD does 3 different sports and sounds a bit like your Dd when she was younger/during the holidays.

If she wants to play catch and you can't, suggest she learns to juggle.
Give her some jobs to do like cleaning the windows.
Your DS is 11, you could occasionally leave him home for 30mins-1 hour and take her out for a run.

She sounds like she absolutely does have ADHD. Go private for a dx. State schools will almost never catch ND girls. The routine of school will be really soothing to her in a way. Can you make your weekends have more routine? Have a look at sensory diets. She sounds like she's really not getting the input she needs. Things like stepping stones, yoga balls, weighted blankets etc make a huge difference.

I can't seem to get her to play completely independently, she'll be back after five minutes, demanding involvement

That's where the timetable will be useful. Point out that she has another 25 minutes to go (provide clock or something similar) and remind her of the treat she'll get if she sticks to the timetable

Honestly my almost 7 years old doesn't tire, she would absolutely go on a long bike ride and then a birthday party and come home and be mithering to play games, want to practice her gymnastics etc
Organised sport/clubs is our sanity.
Finding sports she is good at (because she also doesn't like not being able to do something!) was a game changer.
We are also always out doing something 🙂
I suspect my daughter has ADHD though. School would never agree but girls tend to mask pretty well.

It sounds like you need to be firmer with boundaries Op

Interrupting when you are doing a task -firm no Im washing up, I will play in 20 minutes when I'm finished.
Climbing/ jumping absolutely not!
Mine knew this was a firm no even as 2 year old, it hurts, it's not on

No the school never does.

I had one like this. Angelic at school, exhausting at home.

She’s ADHD. Diagnosed at 17. I remember dreading school holidays as she was so demanding and full on, even though she was lovely too. Completely incapable of entertaining herself. Often dystegulated

Setting boundaries is great, but properly telling a child off for behaviours beyond their control due to a dopamine deficiency is counterproductive and leads to poorer behaviour long term.

DS1 is medicated for ADHD and his behaviour is excellent. He was difficult to manage before meds.

Girls are brilliant at masking OP. This sounds full on and suggests she has some sort of neurodiversity. If you aren't getting anywhere with school speak to GP. Best of luck.

Do you tell her off for her behaviour? Not just time out, but properly tell her off and make it clear that what she's doing is unacceptable?

What happens when you say No I'm busy, it's mummy's quiet time etc. are you firm or do you give in?
Children need to be bored to be creative.
If you go out set your expectations and tell her off if she's being ungrateful

If she doesn't do the whole needy attention seeking behaviour at school then perhaps she's bored at home ?

Set up a clearly written timetable for weekends and school holidays

Include time when she sees friends and goes out swimming or shopping or to the park. Also include chore time, time she plays alone, and so on

When she does what's set out on the timetable with no problem - reward her

Have you thought about putting her in a holiday club?

My youngest could be a bit demanding of attention like that, wanting me to play with her all day!
It helped when I set out a structure for the day like - we're going to play for an hour then have lunch then go out for a walk then you can watch tv or play in your room for a bit while I do some jobs then we'll have dinner.
I have also sometimes set the timer on my phone and said we're going to play until the timer goes then we're going to have lunch.
Some sort of holiday club could work too to break the day up a bit? In my area there are sport sessions in the local leisure centre that don't cost much for example.

And get out of the house every day - run around at the park, take an old towel to dry damp swing seats or wet slides. And then it’s quieter time for a bit when you come home.

I’d get on the front foot and start the day with a list or tinetable - draw clock faces if necessary. Tell her when it’s playtime and what she can choose. But put in times for you to get stuff done - and stick to them. And when it’s playtime really engage with her. Put your phone away and give her all your attention for 45 minutes or whatever. Do a few minute warning before the session ends, and then walk away and be clear she now can do colouring or playing on her own.

And you’ll need to try to develop her resilience especially around reading. In fact, one of those shared activities should be reading - maybe ten minutes. Morning in half term would be ideal. You’re going to have to insist that she sticks at that but try to build confidence by reading at a level that she can do.

School will do a questionnaire which should pick it up, despite behaviours being ‘masked’ in school. They will have noticed her e.g. struggling with friendships, or drifting off in class.

Not to be that person who immediately leaps to ND to explain all undesirable behaviour, but this was me exactly as a child and I was diagnosed with ADHD in my twenties. It's worth looking into even if just to rule it out.