To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

I have adhders and they need strong boundaries and clear rules and consequences.

I'd look at getting her involved in sports. Lots of sports. My adhd son loves bmx racing and will happily cycle around the local track for hours

Screams adhd to me also.

You mention she is struggling with learning and reading. This could be a good angle to discuss with her school and get extra support.

I teach in a send school and query adhd here. BUT I do think some children are also naturally like this and it's within the realms of "normal" whatever that is <eyes ds1>

<Who's just cracked heads with me though his busy ness>

Whilst starting the ball rolling at the gp I would try visual timetables (just draw them), timers, clocks, digital clocks etc

She might be an excellent candidate for drama clubs or maybe gymnastics.

Ask school and local council what holidays clubs are available that might be council funded

In many respects it's lovely that she's so sociable. But needs to learn about boundaries and others' pov (again this can be something that NT children at this age can still struggle with, but can also be a common difficulty with children who are ND.

DS1 is now annoying ds2 with his muchness.

My hidden chimp is a good book.

Obviously no one here can diagnose. (Someone earlier seemed to be complaining about diagnosis by mumsnet.)

And we hate ADHD being trotted out as a possibility at the slightest thing.

This is not the case here.

OP, your daughter is very clearly showing multiple strong indicators for ADHD in girls. Including the ability to mask strongly at school.

There are plenty of knowledgeable and experienced posters on here suggesting so.

It is worth you investigating, as if it is the case, then your daughter has a bunch of struggles that make her ability to behave in a “normal” “expected” way so much harder. And you will be able to learn tools to help her in life.

You already mentioned her reading and I wondered if you have considered a link between this and her makeup (the way she is)?

I also wondered if she has any issues with friendships?

We all want to do our best for our children and they are all different and come with different challenges You DD sounds like a very intelligent, switched on little girl, who needs a huge amount of support which is exhausting.
. I think you should be kind to yourself, it sounds like you are doing a brilliant job.

As for suggestions, I recommend climbing walls, like Rock Up, as it uses mental energy as well as physical. And try athletics.

Good luck.

I really shouldn't multi-task while writing on here, lol.

I think there's a difference between snapping and punishing, and being firm and making it clear that a child absolutely can't behave in a certain way. I'm from a ND family, am ND myself and now have an ND husband and boundaries are essential for all of us, even as adults.

Do you ever include her in helping you with simple household tasks........loading the washer - drying the pots - setting the table - dusting - tidying her own room??? Perhaps some responsibility for her surroundings might detract from her demanding behaviour.

So - no, you don't tell her off.

I'd start telling her off.

Ah, OK I see your follow up now, thanks for the clarification, the way you originally wrote it came across as quite harsh.

I was this child, and I have this child now (thanks karma) and all I know is I wasn't trying to do anything wrong. When my mum snapped and 'told me off' all I really remember is confusion and shame. I agree firm but kind boundaries are totally acceptable - and necessary if she really does have ADHD or similar

I thought you were describing me except I'm late 50s awaiting an ADHD diagnosis.
My DD used to wake up early got to bed late and always had lots of energy.
Her friend has told her she suspects ADHD now she is an adult.

My DD was like this. She has been diagnosed as autistic.

She might be neurodivergent. Either way you need to set boundaries. You need to set aside time when you will play with her and give her undivided attention. Equally you need to set aside time for yourself and chores. Let her know what those timings are. If she bothers you when it’s your alone time just stick with it. Let her be bored and throw meltdowns. She will eventually give in and do some independent play or whatever it is she can occupy herself with. It may take some time.

Another suggestion to seek an ADHD assessment. Schools often don’t see it because girls, for many reasons, can mask or “present internally” at school. But they don’t see the whole child and if you’re telling them that your child at home is very different from the one they see at school, they should be pricking their ears up to your concerns. You will probably find yourself doubting your judgement through the process but hold fast!

In the short term, good luck! Routine can be out the window at holiday times. Clear expectation management and what good behaviour looks like. Information about what you will be doing when. A visual timetable or whiteboard. Egg timers can help eg, I will come and play when the sand runs out, that sort of thing. Some toys in the house which allow safe physical play can help regulate her energy levels too. And fidget toys might be your friends as well.

I could have written your post @Sacredhandbag and sympathise. My daughter is 10 and it’s hard.

Hi OP she sounds a bit like my 7 year old (only more so). We are in the process of getting a diagnosis. I don't find it too bad but I do think that the lack of focus makes school a bit more tricky.

@Starstruck2020 what medication is your DC using and how does it work?

Also just to add just because a child has a tantrum while you are out and when they come back does not mean you stop doing things with them. What sort of stuff do you do with the children day in day out? Whether it's cold or not it's still good for them to get out in the fresh air. Does she do lots of running around? Outside I mean. Play in the garden? Going to the park? You will find your local library has lots of stuff going on for children which don't cost or for very little cost.

I'd also be considering ADHD too.

I am often asked to support ADHD assessments. I always answer honestly but sometimes I look at a child and think, absolutely not because I just don't see anything. They still get diagnosed though if they have it.

Sometimes, when a parent describes their child at home I'm flabbergasted because they are describing a completely different child to the one I see.

School will only provide evidence on what they see. They're not the arbiters of diagnosis.

I'm not saying she is definitely ND but don't rule it out because school don't see it. It's incredibly common for that to be the case especially with girls.

You could be describing my 7 year old with ASD and ADHD. Only difference is DD can read so will entertain herself with books for a bit (although she still fidgets or even walks around reading). DD also had meltdowns and struggled with sensory overload at school though, which helped with her diagnosis.

Could you try at least directing her play to something you tolerate more? DD loves playing schools so we do that a lot, we have mini whiteboards and I use it as practice for her spellings and times tables as well. And if she gets something wrong she tolerates it better as she says she just her ‘character’ that got it wrong. Plus we can do pe lessons to tire her out, seeing how many star jumps etc she can do, timing her racing up and down the garden.
Does she like board games? DDs recently got into monopoly, the junior editions are quite good as the rules and maths are easier.

I think the only other thing you can do is try and help her find things she can do independently and say quite clearly ‘this is your time to do x ?like crafts or play outside) and my time to do y. After this we will do z together’. How is she with screens, I find DD gets worse with it, but there’s a few learning apps she uses like reading eggs which have games on and she will happily do those for a while without it affecting her behaviour after.

@Sacredhandbag do you think she might have ADHD?

Girls are incredibly good at masking at school

This- a good routine with blocks of time when you will play, and blocks where she needs to entertain herself