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Original poster

Group of friends never travel to me?

163 replies

Coldandfedup456 · 15/02/2025 07:42

I know this is quite a common issue, but I just don't feel valued at all. I have a group of around 7 female friends I've known since college/uni and none of them have any interest in visiting me, none whatsoever.

I know people will cite anxiety, work, kids etc. But it's been years and they haven't visited once, just no excuse. I bought a house about 6 months ago and have tried to give dates for a housewarming a few times.
I messaged the group chat 4 days ago saying people were welcome to come round whenever and out of 7 not one person has replied or even given a thumbs up. I'm not saying they all have to jump for joy but it's just clear they can't be bothered.
Prior to this I lived in another house for 2 years and they never saw it. I've been to them plenty of times and have been very accommodating regarding their children and so on.

Over the years I've spent a fortune I don't have on baby showers, weddings, hens and so on. I travelled a couple of hours to see one in November and she didn't even offer me a coffee or anything, maybe I sound entitled but I didn't have to go out of my way.

I got a kitten too and again no interest from them in seeing it. Maybe they don't like cats but I'm sure not all 7 of them feel the same and many of them have had cats previously. I'd understand if it were a snake or something they might be afraid of but I just think when youre friends with someone you can at least try to show a little bit of interest and care.

Maybe I sound entitled. I have previously brought this up with them and they offered to meet me somewhere halfway but it just never happened. I'm willing to give months of notice, I just don't believe they don't have one afternoon ever in their lives. I'm an hour's drive tops but so are they for me if not further. Even if they said they'd meet me 30 mins away I'd appreciate the effort but it just doesn't happen.

I guess not much I can do but I just don't feel valued at all. I'm sure people will say oh they don't care you bought a house etc. But I was expected to care for all their life events and I did because I wanted to. What should I do? I just feel like they don't really care.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coldandfedup456 · 15/02/2025 07:48

We all live about an hour tops from each other in different directions. I know i wasn't forced to go to their events but I thought I wouldn't be a very good friend if I didn't. We're currently planning another event for them in the summer.
I get it's 'only' a house and a kitten as PP has implied but it's still things that are important to me.

OP posts:
Dogthespot · 15/02/2025 07:48

Do you work op? Have other friends?

DustyLee123 · 15/02/2025 07:47

Coldandfedup456 · 15/02/2025 07:47

They were invited to a housewarming party. If I was I'd make the effort

Show quote history

But that’s you, not them.

Dogthespot · 15/02/2025 07:47

Coldandfedup456 · 15/02/2025 07:47

They were invited to a housewarming party. If I was I'd make the effort

Show quote history

For someone I cared about, yes

Original poster
Coldandfedup456 · 15/02/2025 07:47

DustyLee123 · 15/02/2025 07:45

I wouldn’t travel to see a house or a kitten either.
Why don’t you try not messaging them, and see if they contact you?

They were invited to a housewarming party. If I was I'd make the effort

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 15/02/2025 07:46

In the nicest way, are you as close as you think? They don't seem to have much interest in keeping the friendship going. Do the rest all live close together and you've moved away? Or do they travel to each other?

Original poster
Coldandfedup456 · 15/02/2025 07:46

Dogthespot · 15/02/2025 07:44

Op it doesn’t sound like they regard you as a close friend, not even remotely. And that’s not their fault, it’s no one’s fault.

but you see the relationship as much closer than they do

Edited

I've known them for almost 15 years, now mid 30s and many have or are having kids, married etc.

However prior to kids it was the same. I know I need to be a bit more selfish and just stop bothering. Tbh I don't even know why they don't just make their own new group chat and stop bothering with me.

OP posts:
Dogthespot · 15/02/2025 07:46

Coldandfedup456 · 15/02/2025 07:45

Yeah, they've been to some of their houses before. But it's also that I was expected to fork out for all their events, and when I try to invite them to a housewarming which will not cost them anything more than petrol they just can't be bothered.

Show quote history

They invite you. You could decline.

Dogthespot · 15/02/2025 07:45

? I just feel like they don't really care.

and perhaps they don’t
you can’t force people to care op

DustyLee123 · 15/02/2025 07:45

I wouldn’t travel to see a house or a kitten either.
Why don’t you try not messaging them, and see if they contact you?

Original poster
Coldandfedup456 · 15/02/2025 07:45

Dogthespot · 15/02/2025 07:43

none of them have any interest in visiting me, none whatsoever.

but they all travel to others?

Yeah, they've been to some of their houses before. But it's also that I was expected to fork out for all their events, and when I try to invite them to a housewarming which will not cost them anything more than petrol they just can't be bothered.

OP posts:
Dogthespot · 15/02/2025 07:44

Op it doesn’t sound like they regard you as a close friend, not even remotely. And that’s not their fault, it’s no one’s fault.

but you see the relationship as much closer than they do

Dogthespot · 15/02/2025 07:43

none of them have any interest in visiting me, none whatsoever.

but they all travel to others?