Group of friends never travel to me?

There’s a thing where we see things from our own perspective which outweighs the fact it’s a group.

So- you have been to lots of events with them- but that’s because there are lots of them. There will also be lots of events you didn’t go to, or weren’t invited to. They weren’t a big deal to you, which is fine. Obviously all your events are a big deal to you.

Also it sounds as though they have moved on to a different stage of life. So when you are all getting your first houses, you tend to visit each other’s new house. DS2 is at this stage with his mates. When the group has moved on to the babies stage, you tend not to care much about new houses anymore. If you are a step behind, you will feel it really hard. By the time you have a baby, they won’t be celebrating babies anymore. It might be about big birthdays by then.

It sucks, but it isn’t particularly personal.

I don't think you need to cut these people out completely. But certainly stop inviting them over. And put any chats you have with them on mute. If you've known each other 15 years then there is no chance all of you have grown at the same pace.

Have you tried addressing it with one person in the group you are closest to?

give them a call and say I’m feeling really hurt I invited you all to my housewarming and no one came is there something I’m missing?

stress that it’s not confrontational but you are feeling a bit left out and just checking in. It is not unreasonable to expect friends to come to events or at least make a passing effort.

Do ypu ever chat to them individually off the group chat? An individual conversation could lead to an individual arrangement for a visit?

We are very similar, I used to feel let down but now I've accepted that it's just how things are. I no longer try too hard for other people. I'm happy with less people in my life, but they're all lovely and the relationships are balanced. I've stopped giving too much of myself away.

OP, you sound deflated in your post. If you think travelling over an hour to a friend’s house and expecting atleast a coffee is ‘entitled’, you have self-esteem issues. Did you ask for one? Do you find asserting yourself tricky? Take a break from the friendship OP and reflect on your role within the group.

Also just jealous of you!!

Are you more attractive than them?? This sounds ridiculous I know but it's true!!

Grown apart..? Jealousy perhaps of new home?

Are you more successful than them in some way?

It's hard.. I've been there.. time to start again

Don't be afraid of losing them. What are you losing? They're adding no value to your life whatsoever. They take from you OP, time, energy and gifts by the sound of it.

Leave them and their WhatsApp behind and do not rejoin either. I get the friends don't see each other all the time, and I'm often the one to travel too but I've learned only to do it with the friends who add value to my life (not monetary value, happiness, mutual friendship, care, trust, loyalty).

@Coldandfedup456 You aren't expected, you chose to do this. You can decline tacky baby showers and hen nights. Most hen nights are very close friends and the bridal party anyway, why do you go?

You don't have daily contact with these people. Send a card for their events and stop going out of your way as you clearly resent it.

It’s shit when people move on and you didn’t, but it sounds like that’s what’s happened. Remove yourself from the chat, and spend time with people who do value you. Because these people don’t.

That's really rubbish @Coldandfedup456 I would leave the WhatsApp group again and not rejoin.. It's clear they don't value you, but you can choose to value yourself and walk away. of course you can show excitement in a friend's new pet or house, because those things are important to them, it's what friens do. Stop spending money on them and accommodating their dc. One didn't even offer you a coffee yet you consider her a friend? staying 'friends' with these people might even be harmful to your mental health or self esteem.

I don't see OP blaming anyone: she is hurt and perplexed by their behaviour.

Gently @Coldandfedup456 you need to move on from this group. You are more invested in them than they are in you.

I wouldn't travel an hour or more to go to a bbq, or housewarming either. Weddings and Christenings are different. They are very much meant to be once in a lifetime events. Even then it would only be for family and the closest friends.

Make new connections locally, in whatever way you can. You're self esteem is going to get worse by continuing to hold onto friends from over a decade ago especially when you don't share the same experiences.

But the op is doggedly blaming people for not liking her as much as she likes them

Have you got other friends to invite? Or maybe you could try and join some groups or meet some neighbors in your new area. It's a shame that you've put lots of effort in and they aren't returning it, but perhaps it's time to try and meet some new friends who are more willing or able to spend time together.

I would look for new friends. They have clearly grown apart from you and don't see you as a close friend or one worth bothering about. Stop inviting them to things as that only makes you feel worse when they don't respond, and try and make new friends, join a club or something.

You’ve made your point Dogthespot

Op quite simply, they do not regard you as a close friend.

Sure they’ll invite you to the odd event, but beyond that? No