Group of friends never travel to me?

I've been you, OP, several times.

In one case it was just nastiness, and it's now in hindsight obvious that it was jealousy.

Other times it was simply that they were a nice group of people who I was clinging to even though I wasn't really a fit friendship wise.

Focus on yourself a bit and move on x

You could always mute the WhatsApp group if you think leaving it will attract attention.

I wouldn't bother leaving the WhatsApp group as you say it would be seen as being dramatic. Just attend something if you fancy it. If you don't want to go say it's too far to travel/you're out with your BF/any other thing that is plausible. If it's something you fancy going to then go, don't spend a fortune on their DC/baby shower/wedding whatever. If they challenge you about the distance you could always respond that it's obviously too far for them to travel to you😉

This is going to sound incredibly harsh but just based off this thread, I wouldn't go to your housewarming. You're treating friendship too transactionally and it's off-putting. There really is no need for people to come to your house or see your kitten. If you insist on pushing this, I think you'll continue to be disappointed.

Edit: Surround yourself with people who bring you joy... not sure where surfing came from!

But I would, if a friend had one

OP I think you sound lovely and I completely understand how you feel as I've felt like this with certain friendships at times over the years. I started to notice that with some friends, it was me that made all of the effort to travel to where they were to see them but they never bothered to come to me, despite being invited. I decided after the pandemic to mirror people's efforts and unfortunately some friendships have fallen by the wayside (including a friend from primary school and we're now in our mid forties). I felt sad at first but now I know I've got a circle of friends from different stages of my life who value my friendship and want to spend time with me. As a PO said, match their energy/effort and let them go. To not even reply is rude! Surfing yourself with people who bring you joy. Life is too short to waste time on people who can't be bothered! I'd possibly stay in the chat so it doesn't look like you're flouncing away but only get involved in conversation when you feel like it. Don't bother inviting them again and don't make any effort to go out of your way for them. Mirror their efforts!

OK, well, own your own past decisions. You went because you wanted to. Hopefully you enjoyed them. It sounds as if you’ve built up this narrative about this group only being interested in weddings and babies, and you not having anything to offer on this front. Is this actually true? And if it is, do you really want to be friends with people with such a depressingly mono-vision of life paths?

For instance, I’m married with a child and plenty of friends. Still, I had a wedding in jeans with two witnesses, and have never had a hen party or a baby shower. Not my thing. I have friends who’ve had big weddings and hens and throw parties at the drop of a hat. I have friends who are longterm single and childfree and who celebrate, or don’t celebrate, very different things. You don’t have to think of yourself in terms of ‘lacking’ milestones that matter to this group.

Why? They have already made it very clear that they do not want to come to your housewarming. They are going to start to question why you haven't had it already if you are messaging the same thing a couple of months later.

The events you've attended are the bigger things in your 30s, babies and weddings. Moving house again is not.

Sounds like all these people have husbands, and some have children, so they have someone else's friends and family to spend time with as well as their own. They make time to talk to each other because they have more in common. Not your fault you don't but it's not theirs either.

I love cats and I absolutely went to see my aunt's new kittens, she's my aunt and lives locally. I've never met my niece's cats nor been to her new flat, she lives about an hour away. Will go to her wedding but not her hen party.

You spend too much time resenting them and making yourself feel bad. Just leave the WhatsApp group. Move on with your life.

It’s absolutely fine to make any life choice you want. But trying to make major celebrations out of fairly standard things like buying a home or getting a pet is going to be difficult, unless you level with people and tell them how much this means to you.

Mute the whatsapp group
look into things closer to home where you could make new friends
people change a lot between teens and mid 30s - maybe you've all outgrown each other.

And I am a huge cat lover, but I wouldn't expect people to visit my cat.

But do what is best for you, OP. You don’t have to flounce off. Just mute the group if you don’t want to see it. Stop attending events if you don’t enjoy them. Centre yourself. Ask yourself ‘What do I want here? What works best for me?’ If that’s prioritising other friendships and dropping your entrenched sense of obligation to this group, do that.

You keep saying ‘I’ll be expected to go’ and ‘I was expected to fork out’ — these were your choices, OP. You were invited, not compelled. You go to things that involve you travelling and spending money you say you can ill spare, and you secretly resent that they don’t do the same for you. Do you actually enjoy these events? If not, why go? It sounds as if you have entrenched ideas about what ‘being a friend ’ involves, and are frustrated because the rest of the group doesn’t.

The question I’d be asking myself in your shoes is why you’re so ‘afraid of losing their friendship’ when it’s clear this friendship (which sounds like a loose acquaintance set up, rather than anything based on real liking and attachment) isn’t working for you? You’re aggrieved at what you see as their non-reciprocation of your level of input. The thing is, you can’t control other people’s behaviour, or liking for you. All you can do is change your own thinking around this.

Do they invite you to theirs just for a random Friday dinner and drinks? Do you go? Or is it just for birthdays, hen dos, baby showers? Are your invitations specific? “I’m thinking of having a movie night on the 15th starting maybe 8pm. Everyone welcome to stay over. Who’s free?”

I can assure you, it’s equally difficult having to he opposite problem, being the only person who ever does the hosting. We always have people over (I can’t even say we invite them, often they ask if they can come stay) and we never get invited to anyone else’s. Literally have one couple who just moved into their third new house that I haven’t seen. Like it’s been that long since they invited us over that it was 4 house purchases ago! They happily ring every year to book a weekend at ours though. BIL/SIL not only have lived in two houses since we were last invited over, but SIL isn’t the same SIL (BIL divorced the first once, met someone new and moved this one in 😂).

I think they’ve all worked out that the like the all inclusive resort experience at ours and don’t want the work and cost of hosting, so everyone dresses it up as “Would love to come see you” but they just want a free week or weekend away.

Or you could quietly leave the group chat. It would be more empowering for you to decide you don’t like this dynamic and want to leave rather than feeling consistently ignored.

Leave the chat group. If somebody wants to get in touch with you they will find a way. Stop chasing people

It’s fine that those are important to you but if they have young children they will be more important to them than an old uni friend’a new house.

It's totally rude of them to not answer at all. But, they are showing you how little they think of you.

Did they invite you back into the WhatsApp group as they need to have someone they can basically leave out, be mean to. gossip about. Some groups of women are like this.

If they were your friends then yes they would make an effort to come and see you, go to your housewarming. Take an interest in your life.

They have shown you what they think of you, listen to them. Do not bother with them anymore. Come off the friendship group, do not join again when they ask you to. What is the point, they really aren't your friends. They sound awful.

Concentrate on your other friends. You sound like a lovely person. You deserve better friends than these.

I would go further and say they are not your friends
They are not interested in you.
Not in visiting you.
Not in your kitten
Not your new house
And absolutely not in driving miles at coast ti see you.
Stop trying to buy friendship and develop friends where you live.