Group of friends never travel to me?

OP have some pride and just leave it.

Stop messaging them, stop showing up for them, stop spending money on them and their kids etc.

Just leave them/the group and put your effort into other friendships and people who will show up for you.

Do you actually see them, in person, outside of these big life events? (Hens, weddings etc)

Do they see each other outside these events?

My take is that a group of 7 is pretty big, and an odd number too. It sounds like the others in the group are closer and that you don't have someone in the group who you're especially close to i.e. a best friend within the group. Therefore while you're seen as part of the group when they're doing group things - like of course they invite you to parties, hen nights etc and it'd be rude of them not to - you're not particularly close friends with any of them so not in touch as much as they are with each other. And with a group of 7, that's a lot of houses to go to so if anyone's going to be bottom of the list, it's the one that no one is closest to.

Hope that makes sense, I'm not sure I'm explaining it well, but essentially I don't think it's this group of 7 who all have an equal friendship. I think there's absolutely a group of 7 that you're included in, but there's also relationships within the other 6 that are closer and get priority over their relationship with you. It's not necessarily a mean and exclusionary thing. It's just numbers and who's naturally gravitated to each other. I'm in all kinds of friendship groups where I know I'm not core and am happy to go to their events but don't expect they'd come to my house or party if I invited them. I'd only expect my closest friends to come over who I do things one to one with and have that depth of relationship, whereas you're saying it's always been like this with the group at different life stages, so that is just how it is and they're not the ones to come see your kitten, never were and don't pretend to be so of course it's awkward to keep asking them. You don't have to feel 'expected' to do their stuff either if you don't want. If it's not fun for you, don't do it. But if they didn't invite you, that could hurt too.

I have a wonderful small close of very good girlfriends of best part of three decades

Bloomin heck ok
it was just a question 😵‍💫

The voting is completely different to the majority of replies which seem to delight in giving you a kicking.

There is no kicking here for goodness sakes, no need to be so hyperbolic!

I’m sure there are other posters you can berate on other threads, maybe give this one a break? You’ve made your point, repeatedly. You don’t post as someone who sets much store by friendships but that’s not OP’s problem.

The voting is completely different to the majority of replies which seem to delight in giving you a kicking.

Buying a house is very exciting to most people, irrespective of other life events, it’s normal among everyone I know to celebrate a house move. It’s not unreasonable to hope friends would celebrate that with you.

I think you know that despite making an effort to plan things with this group they’re not going to offer you the involvement or closeness you want so it’s great you have other people to socialise with. Invest in them 😊

@Dogthespot would you not find it hurtful if not one friend even acknowledged an invite you’d sent to a group chat? Even though you’d been invited to many gatherings by the same friends?

Fair enough if they can’t make it because of xyz, but to not even respond? Would this not bother you?

Can I visit your kitten?

* I've been to them plenty of times and have been very accommodating regarding their children and so on.*

why would you need to accommodate their children when visiting them?

on. I travelled a couple of hours to see one in November and she didn't even offer me a coffee or anything, maybe I sound entitled but I didn't have to go out of my way.

this friend did actually invite you or did you turn up unannounced?
and if she did Invite you, did she say come for a coffee, lunch? What?

It’s rude to not even acknowledge your invite.

I would have to reply to my own invite ‘anyone’? possibly with a 🤣 emoji!

Well I can imagine it’s bloody hurtful!

They like her enough to invite her to MANY events but none of them can be bothered to even respond or turn up to any invites from the OP. Surely if they didn’t class OP as a friend they just wouldn’t invite her?

I can understand this must be painful OP, as you seem to put in lots of effort to keep these friendships, even though it’s not reciprocated. It’s up to you whether you feel this is now worth it to continue, even though you’ll still be invited to future events.

Truetoself
@Coldandfedup456 they don't regard you as a friend. Why don't you see that?

They're free to make a new WhatsApp group and stop inviting me to their weddings and so on but they don't, so?

But this takes effort. They can't be arsed.

You can always ask them straight out instead of asking people on MN?

bought a house about 6 months ago and have tried to give dates for a housewarming a few times.

Your house warming date needs to be determined according to this group of friend’s availability? Or do you mean just for a visit?

sadly I'm not engaged/married/pregnant so I guess there's nothing worth making the effort for, that's how it sounds.

Is that where you are going with this? That you think they see you as "less than" because you don't have kids? That they see your "celebrations" as less important because it isn't a wedding or a baby shower or a christening?

This is about the 3rd "I'm single, I should be celebrated too" post in the last couple of weeks. Stranger still, because you say it was the same before they had kids.

Did they all have housewarming/ new pet parties that you went to? You don't mention those.

It all sounds a bit "they're just not that in to you"

Did you give an actual date? Or just say whenever

If they're talking about a summer meet up, I would try something like 'Hey! If a summer getaway together is on the cards, we could combine that with my housewarming. Been trying to get it sorted for a while and none of you have seen my new place or met [boyfriend] or [kitten]. What dates would work for that?' or put possible dates in.

Then see what happens. They may still find excuses but it highlights the problem. If they say they'd rather meet somewhere else, then I'd then go to 'ah, pity, I'll have to give it a miss this time' and do not send presents or a card even if others are doing that. See if it makes a difference - they are used to you giving in and coming to them. Sometimes people are shits, but also sometimes people get stuck in the lazy groove and can be very resistant at moving out of it.

All the other advice about widening your circle of friends too still applies. You can do both.

Oh and yabu not to post a photo of the kitten!

Did you move away from everyone else?

I feel for you OP. There was a thread a week or so ago where the OP suggested that other life events should be celebrated and everyone said that if you wanted that, you should throw your own party and invite people. And as this thread shows, that wouldn’t work because the majority of people only value certain life events and wouldn’t attend a party for a different event. That has been my experience in real life, too.

I recommend finding new friends. I have made some childless/free friends and they’ve been much more open-minded about celebrating things outside of the traditional norms, as well as just more present generally.

And for what it’s worth, I’d absolutely travel an hour to see a friend’s kitten - it’s much more attractive a prospect than seeing a friend’s baby, in my book!

I'm tempted to leave again but they'll probably say I'm overly sensitive, dramatic etc..

Well so what if they do? I've realised recently that I'm not as important to my mother group as they are to me, and it hurts. But I know I deserve better treatment, so I will keep contact with one, and if the others initiate a meetup I'll go, but I'm no longer instigating.

Yes, just decline the invite op, don't hang on to a feeling that isn't there.

BTW, I can't believe you travelled 2 hours to a "friend" and they didn't even offer you a coffee! That would be it for me.

You have other friends you can concentrate on now. Let go of the past.

@Coldandfedup456 They clearly disagree with you that only these important events are worth travelling to attend. Doesn't matter if you don't get it, they have shown you repeatedly they won't visit. Do you just want to keep this group so you can continue to play the victim?