Would you fall out with your adult child....

Some pink frilly dresses are appalling - scratchy net and uncomfortable. Most dresses are impractical for crawling babies. No one would have been allowed to dress my DC in stuff like that.

Oh sorry haha! I have 2 girls and wasn’t really attracted to the colours but the style, I hated overly formal pretty dresses though for every day wear, my girls spent most of the early months in sleep suit, leggings, rompers and comfy practical things like that.

The over the top dresses remind me a bit of big fat gypsy wedding type outfits

I'm sure most of us here know that clothes are essentially just things that cover your nakedness, keep you warm and all the rest, and any meaning we attach to them is just that - some qualities we humans endow them with and are pretty much meaningless.

So what's really going on with your mother, OP? She may be trying to have her time with a baby again, perhaps she feels she stuffed up the first time (and is probably well on her way to doing it again, I suspect). Is she jealous?

Stick to your guns: your child, your rules.

Tbh you both sound controlling and not open to actually what any child might want to wear

I would have loved pink frills as a child but wasn’t allowed them.

My mother would tell people that I could wear what I liked but always chose boys stuff to put on. But the only things I got bought were trousers and T-shirts meant for boys from market stalls because they were practical and hard wearing.

I think my mother had some sort of idea that dressing me as a boy and me being bullied for looking like a boy meant I would grow up into a strong practical woman and not have any airy fairy ideas about cooking, sewing or being a secretary. Instead I left school at 16 with 1 O level and was married 6 months later
It had the very opposite effect because it took away all my confidence and self esteem.

I have always let dd and ds choose their outfits as soon as they were able to point. Dd would dress herself for nursery at 2 years old
White jeans a pink summer dress and her silver wellington boots were her favourite look.
DS has always gone for bright colours.

If dd wanted to wear a tutu and anorak to go to the supermarket in then that was what she wore. Only influence I had on their outfits was weather related.

She's only going to get worse unfortunately. Past generations can't tolerate the idea that future ones do things differently.

You can make up with her but it will happen over and over again with everything - naps, weaning, nursery, school - until you're sick to death of it and your relationship is ruined. And then of course it will be all your fault and you'll be made out to be the bad person even though all your peers are doing the same as you.

It's a shame some parents feel the need to act that way.

Yes, that will be the case. Time to say no to what you do not agree with it - remembering always that she has had her turn and this will be your baby.

Not to mention impractical

She's talking about gender, not sex.

I completely agree with this.

Its almost as if being feminine is a dirty word now.

Its ok to dress your DD in pink frilly dresses.
You are not forcing her to be a gender that she is not comfortable with.
At that age they literally don’t care/aren’t even aware.

As they get older then they can have more choice over the type of clothes they want to wear and what colour.

If she’s anything like my DD it will be a pink frilly princess dress one day and a Spider-Man outfit then next.

There is a balance.
You are pushing your views onto your DD as much as your mum is.

Let your mum buy DD whatever she wants and focus more on how much she loves her and wants to be part of her life and less on trying to be woke.

Are you planning on using your mother for extensive childcare?

Otherwise, why on earth would your mother be regularly dressing her?

That is true and by then it will be the child's choice.

Pink and frilly for a tiny baby sounds scratchy and uncomfortable.

This.

The fact you are even questioning whether you should've said anything or not shows you have been brought up accepting mums way is the right way and to keep your trap shut.

Your mum is struggling with the fact you're an adult now and she doesn't get to tell you what to do.

Leave her to stew and you concentrate on looking after yourself and your bump. It's not about her any more and she needs to realise that. It doesn't have to be a steaming row but she is completely in the wrong and you don't need to apologise/chase her.

Just leave her to sit with what's been said.

what is the betting that by the time your lo is 3 years old she will be permanently dressed in a pink fairy outfit

And you are rude and insulting.

The thing is, you wouldn't have said anything about her parenting if she had just agreed to what you said you wanted for your child. You said you didn't want frilly pink stuff and she pushed it. So she brought it on herself.

Nobody is perfect, everyone is new to parenting at some point, everyone learns as they go. So of course there are going to be things they could have done better.

Enjoy the silence from her. Is this normal behaviour from her if you disagree with her or she doesn't get her own way?

This behaviour from your mum is just a childish fit of pique because you didn't automatically agree with her and let her get her own way. You have mentioned having therapy and you may need to go back for some more as your pregnancy is a new situation where she is trying to assert her authority and control you.

And “neutral gender” clothing is just as much a fad now as pink and frilly was 20 years ago. Everything comes and goes.

This. You sound infuriatingly “woke” with an immature outlook.

I dunno, I can understand your mum is pissed off. Pink and frilly for girls was a common clothing choice in the 90’s , early 2000’s especially if your mum shopped at next ( which everyone did 😂) It’s a silly thing to fall out over imo. She chose clothes with love at the time and based on the selection and budget she had.
let it go.
it’s a bit much when adult kids criticise parenting choices through a 2025 lens. Your future daughter may well criticise the “neutral” choices you want to make for her now and wish you had dressed her in pink and fall out with you over it in 25 years time.
concentrate on all the good mothering your mother did and not on the few things you wish were different but really matter little

Sorry but your mum sounds horrendous. She wouldn't be getting anywhere near a child of mine, let alone dressing it.

That. I don't criticise my (lovely) kids, but they have occasionally criticised decisions I made in my parenting. It hurts like hell (and they're very trivial things). I try not to let it show, and wouldn't fall out with them about it of course. But I don't think people realise what it feels to be on the other end of that.

Was I perfect? No but I was pretty damn good. And they're not perfect either, but I don't feel the need to tell them.

On Mumsnet people are hugely sensitive to a hint of criticism or advice from their parents, but feel justified in criticising them. Major issues aside, it's all a bit hypocritical.

So yes, your mum shouldn't have stopped speaking to you @charmanderflame but I don't think you recognise how much you hurt her, either. Let her lick her wounds, and hopefully she'll come round. And maybe think about occasionally referencing something she actually did right and that you appreciate.

I suspect the clothing thing is the least of the issues here. You obviously have a tricky relationship and there's lots to unpick.
My kids seem to think I'm a good mum but I know that I'm not perfect. If in the future they come at me with criticism, I'd like to think that I'd take it on the chin!
My mum wasn't always the best but she absolutely DID her best in less-than-ideal circumstances.
Live and let live.

Stp trying to beg for her forgiveness.
Let her have her tantrum and her sulk.
When she's ready to be a grown up, you'll still be there.

I wouldn't fall out with my kids, no. I might be a bit hurt (and possibly ashamed) but if they criticised their upbringing I'd either explain my point of view and try and listen to theirs or I'd just apologise and go away and be hurt by myself later - I wouldn't tell them I was hurt.

Actually it's a bit odd in that my kids had, from my POV, quite a tough upbringing; five kids, single mum who yelled a lot and was always stressed, no money - and yet to hear them tell you'd think they'd grown up in an Enid Blyton book. They are always complimentary about my parenting (which was dreadful quite a lot of the time) and speak very fondly about their childhoods.