Would you fall out with your adult child....

It is only wrong IF your niece's parents asked or told you not to and you did it anyway.

The dress sounds cute to me and it isn't wrong just because it has flowers or is frilly. The part that would make it wrong is if someone told you no and you didn't listen.

Bare in mind your child will probably find something they don’t like about their child hood no matter how hard you try to be the best parents. Times change who knows what will be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in twenty years ‘. Maybe it will be decided neutral colours aren’t good for babies intelligence and your child will ask you why they weren’t dressed in bright patterned garments 🤣

You are pregnant which means you accept yourself as female, if you have a baby of either gender, why put your insecurities on your child? They will be male or female, so don’t pressure your child to decide what gender they will be when they already are one?

This! Times a million.

No. You're confusing gender stereotypes with sex.

Sex: All humans are either female or male.
Gender stereotype: Girls like pink and boys like blue.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that found that part odd. Are we really saying that people decide if they were born a boy or born a girl now? This is getting beyond ridiculous.

I don't think I'd want to fall out over it, depending on your mum's age she might have very different ideas to you and be set into outdated ideas.

Of course she has no right to tell you how to bring your child up or how to dress them but I can appreciate that not everybody is up to speed with modern gender norms. The hardest thing for me in all this is any mum thinking they can dictate how their grandchildren are brought up - as long as they are loved, happy and healthy it should be unconditional, whether you dress them in pink, blue, yellow or whatever! Maybe find a way to get that across (I know, easier said than done) as all children are beautiful no matter what they wear! Good luck!

I've heard comments about babies being strong to male and female babies. I think generally some people are taken by surprise at how strong newborns grips are, because they expect them to be frail and weak.
I myself have said my female cousin was a strong baby, because even as a newborn, her build was much more solid than my sister's, who was the exact same age and her clasp was harder to get out of once she grabbed our fingers.

I think you handled the situation really well. The criticism, silent treatment and gas lighting are narcissistic behaviours. Some one wrote a lovely response about getting therapy. Having had a narcissistic mother, therapy transformed my life. I’m not saying your mum’s a narcissist, but being able to set boundaries is important, and that’s something a therapist can help you with.

You should have said it, you were perfectly within your rights to.

I'd just leave things as they are - not apologise or be proactive about contacting her but be open and welcoming to any contact she makes with you.

She feels hurt (not your fault!) because as far as she's concerned, she was doing what people did in those days. Being able to choose an identity with which you feel comfortable is a relatively new phenomenon. She probably needs time to process it, but I reckon she'll come round, particularly with a grandchild on the way.

Leaving the ball in her court will, I think, force her to think about her actions, past and present without a "get out" clause.

I don’t see the big deal in saying to your mum , you didn’t like the way she dressed you 🤷🏻‍♀️ & also that you’ll be doing you when it comes to dressing your baby 🤷🏻‍♀️
Sure none of these things are things to row about 😂 ..
Congrats on your pregnancy 🎈

She has a right to feel upset and you had a right to air those feelings.

Don't make this the sword you fall on though. Most Mums are just trying to do their best with little guidance.

It's been said so make up and look forward to the birth of the baby together.

I think it’s strange she is causing stress to her pregnant daughter. I’m assuming she has a history of taking offence and behaving like this.
i think you are worrying too much about who said what. The fact it has tipped over into a full on sulk on her part is not good. I would be tempted to ignore, not pander to and feed her with the attention she is seeking. Ignore and step back whenever she behaves like this and don’t engage in arguments.

Fighting over a baby that's not even here yet, when it should be a time to celebrate.

As others have said, you're projecting your ideas on your baby. Same way your dm did.
Why not accept the gifts and only dress her in those when visiting your dm?
When baby/young girl is old enough to choose, they could go shopping together.

You say you forgave her for dressing you a certain way, so why bring it up now?

Hope you can mend it OP. Of course it's hurtful to her as she thought she was doing her best.
SM is full of girls dressed in matching outfits with their mums, they haven't agreed and might have different styles when older, but not worth starting arguments over.

"It's a personal preference and I just don't want to gender stereotype my baby before they can decide"

Ahhhhh youre one of those, got help that poor child and anyone who agrees is part of the problem!

You sound very sensible OP- and you quite rightly understand that eventually, they will choose what they want. That's healthy. My youngest is currently having a black phase.

What's unhealthy is how she has responded. So I say this firmly now- you don't need to beg for forgiveness. You are about to be a Mum- you will be guiding and leading your daughter through life; and she will face many of these stupid assumptions (latest from a boy in my DD class "girls can't play football."

She doesn't need this shite from her Nan- and if she does, be prepared and strong enough to shut it down asap.

I don't think pink frilly dresses are the real issue here. It seems like you want your mum to validate your feelings, but at the same time you're hurting her by bringing up how pressured you felt when you were younger. It's a difficult situation for both of you.

I think once the child themselves can choose then they should be able have what they want in terms of colour, sparkle and so on...or not if they don't want it. BUT children aren't dollies and its not up to others to say how a baby should be dressed. For a grandmother to say what she will dress the baby in is overstepping I think.

All a bit woke though isn't it the whole "gender neutral until she's old enough to choose" nonsense - not surprised your mum bristled a bit

I feel this. Mine was the biggest sulker ever and what was even worse was she used to claim she didnt sulk. Which was pure gaslighting. I was so utterly confused for years, plus the constant belittling and being told how lazy/ungrateful/unlikeable i was didn't help. Im still only starting to scratch the surface of the damage she did

Yes... be prepared for lots of cans
of worms to be opened unexpectedly. Nothing makes you realise how fked up your own childhood was like having a kid of your own 😝

Of course you can say that you were delighted to dress your daughter in pink. OP's mum was obviously delighted to dress OP in pink, well past the baby stage where OP wouldn't be aware of how she was dressed.

It's now OP's turn to be a mother and she can dress her own baby how she wants. Her mother is just being goady and provocative.

I suspect in about 3 years time, if the op comes across this thread, she will chuckle to herself as she looks her to see her toddler daughter walk in dressed in a pink princess outfit that she refuses to take off and is desperate to wear to nursery

You hurt her feelings. Say sorry....

You are doing the same to your child as she did to you ,dressing how you think is appropriate

It’s bonkers people aren’t allowed to say this anymore.
People are allowed to say it if they like. Just as people like the OP are allowed to say they will not be doing that. It isn't that GM said it, it's that when OP stated her preference GM got arsey then sulked when OP told her why.

I love my girl just the same as the boys but yeah buying pink pretty clothes was part of the appeal.

Each to their own. Now imagine your mum insisting she would be dressing your baby only in blue clothes. Happy with that? That is what is happening to the OP.