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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to think OH shouldn’t go on family holiday without us?

163 replies

Peachy789 · 15/02/2025 05:50

Long story short his mother has booked a holiday to France in a private villa for his parents, brother family (gf+new baby) and us (me, bf and our 2DD.) Holiday was booked after I’d already said no me and the girls weren’t going. I’ve fallen out with his mother many times because she has zero respect for me (for example forward facing my 2 year old after me specifically asking for her to be rear facing) but am on talking terms with his mother. The brother and gf on the other hand I won’t talk too, they are ignorant and rude, they barely even say hello to me, at my partners nans funeral sat on a table they sat talking about my DD with another couple without involving me in the conversation when I was the 5th wheel sat at that table essentially, and the gf heavily judged how I was going to manage a child (cars,living arrangements etc) about 2 hours before I found out we’d lost our first baby at 16weeks pregnant which I haven’t ever forgotten from 5 years ago.
Now my partner has supposedly spoken to his brother about these issues and said I should expect a message or phone call from them (I assume to apologise?) this was about a month ago now and I’ve heard zero,zilch, nada, nothing. But hey I don’t really want to associate with those sort of people.

discussed with partner that maybe he shouldn’t go on this holiday either as I essentially feel he’s enabling their behaviour and siding with them, he doesn’t agree and thinks he should go because his mums already booked it expecting us to go even though I’d already made it clear I wasn’t going. AIBU?
just feel like he’s never on my team, I’ve been here a million times before and never feel like I can leave as I always go back. (I have a separate house, finances, child maintenance in place from all the other times we’ve broken up and got back together)

Theres probably so much more back story but I have terrible memory.

After I’d already told my partner that I wouldn’t go (I wouldn’t have minded if it was separate lodges or something but it’s a private villa all under the same roof so there’s no me space to get away from the awkwardness), his mum still went ahead and booked it and then had the audacity to send me a message saying “thinking of a holiday to France in June, and wondered if you would like to come with the girls and DP?” She’s just devious 😤

this would be the 3rd time in 2 years DP would’ve been on holiday with his family without us and I’ve had enough now.

OP posts:
krustykittens · 15/02/2025 10:36

So you have left your partner so often and for so long, he is paying child maintenance.

There is probably loads of back story as to why you hate these people but your memory is bad so you can't remember it.

Your MIL is devious to book a family holiday and include you.

It sounds like they are trying to make it work and you want nothing to do with them. Fair enough, no one can make you spend time with people you don't like, but it sounds like they are consistent in your partner's life and you are not, so you can't blame him for not choosing them over you and wanting to go on this holiday.

If you want to make your relationship work, I would sit out the holiday (too much pressure to get along) but send your partner and kids, while taking some time out for yourself. Then have some relationship counselling when he comes back. It sounds like there is an awful lot going on here and you are responsible for some of it.

rainbowstardrops · 15/02/2025 10:34

I agree with previous posters that you seem to be falling out with everyone!
I would 'allow' my partner to go on holiday with his family. You've been invited and you've chosen not to go. That's up to you but you can't then dictate to your partner what he chooses to do.

Oioisavaloy27 · 15/02/2025 10:31

There seems to be so much victim mentality around these days it's no wonder there's so many problems in the world.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 15/02/2025 10:27

Fraaances · 15/02/2025 10:06

Write back to MIL… “I’ve heard who’s coming. Thanks anyway, but I’d rather eat shit than subject myself or my girls to that.”

Hope this is a joke. Just why? That is a horrible way to talk to anymore and completely uncalled for.

Branleuse · 15/02/2025 10:24

I think its fine to not want to go, but I dont know why youre trying to stop your partner taking the kids?
I don't think that any of your examples are anything more than misunderstanding or miscommunication.

Do you get on with your own family ok. What about work life and friendships? Do you usually rub along with people ok?

Branleuse · 15/02/2025 10:18

One of my favourite quotes:

If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole.
If you run into assholes all day, You're the asshole .

RitaFromTheRanch · 15/02/2025 10:17

Fraaances · 15/02/2025 10:06

Write back to MIL… “I’ve heard who’s coming. Thanks anyway, but I’d rather eat shit than subject myself or my girls to that.”

Thats it, make yourself look very grown up and mature Confused

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 15/02/2025 10:16

You seem angry with everyone

Cornflakes123 · 15/02/2025 10:13

Fraaances · 15/02/2025 10:06

Write back to MIL… “I’ve heard who’s coming. Thanks anyway, but I’d rather eat shit than subject myself or my girls to that.”

Are you for real ?😧

Cornflakes123 · 15/02/2025 10:12

Was the mother not going to book the villa if you weren’t going ? I don’t understand what is devious about her booking a villa and then asking you to go. It sounds like you think everyone is out to get you.

NewHeaven · 15/02/2025 10:11

You all sound like the cast from Benidorm and Shameless. Classy, not.

diddl · 15/02/2025 10:08

Can he take the girls without you?

Sounds as if you might as well split properly.

Fraaances · 15/02/2025 10:06

Write back to MIL… “I’ve heard who’s coming. Thanks anyway, but I’d rather eat shit than subject myself or my girls to that.”

Clarabell77 · 15/02/2025 10:05

heavily judged how I was going to manage a child (cars,living arrangements etc) about 2 hours before I found out we’d lost our first baby at 16weeks pregnant

Sorry you lost your baby. I think it sounds like general chat rather than “heavy judging” and she wasn’t to know you’d lose the baby. All your other examples sound like you’re being quite paranoid and overly dramatic and almost trying to drive a wedge in the family.

Can your partner not just take his kids, it sounds like you two aren’t in a great place, I don’t think he’s unreasonable to want to go a nice holiday with his family, but he could certainly take his children even if you don’t want to go.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/02/2025 10:04

Free holiday ? I’d have been leaping at the chance.
I don’t understand what the in-laws have done wrong, but inviting you on holiday is clearly an olive branch. Even if you’re not keen on them , they are your daughters’ family, and you need to find a way to get along with them for their sake.
If you really can’t bring yourself to go along with this, don’t let the kids miss out on a holiday with family, let OH take them while you relax at home.

SuperTrooper14 · 15/02/2025 10:03

Maybe his family tends to be off with you because your relationship with him is on-and-off? It sounds like you want the moon on a stick where he and them are concerned, yet your grievances against them sound petty at best. If you really cannot stand them and resent him for spending time with them, perhaps you should end the relationship for good.

Convolvulus · 15/02/2025 09:59

If I was on a table with four people talking about my pregnancy, I would just join in. Why didn't you?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 15/02/2025 09:59

You’re being petty and dramatic.

BettyBardMacDonald · 15/02/2025 09:58

TeaAndTattoos · 15/02/2025 07:00

What I’m getting from your post is that your the problem but for some reason want to blame everyone else. Maybe you should spend more time examining what part you play in all of these problems and spend a little less time focusing on all the things you think others have done.

This x1000

Stop trying to control others' relationships.

GretchenWienersHair · 15/02/2025 09:55

It sounds like there’s a common denominator here…

TwentyTwentyFive · 15/02/2025 09:55

Mrsknowitall · 15/02/2025 09:53

Why don’t you let him go and take the children? Fair enough if you don’t want to go but they’ve already had 2 holidays which he has attended without his children, that seems unfair

Reading between the lines I suspect the OP wouldn't be satisfied with this because she thinks she's the only one who can make decisions about their kids...

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 15/02/2025 09:53

He should go and then separate properly from you when he returns.

Mrsknowitall · 15/02/2025 09:53

Why don’t you let him go and take the children? Fair enough if you don’t want to go but they’ve already had 2 holidays which he has attended without his children, that seems unfair

Lillers · 15/02/2025 09:48

While I can’t really comment on how devious etc your in laws might be based on the info provided, the one thing I do have an opinion on is the attempt to prevent your partner spending time with his family.

My DH gets on ok with my family, but has made it very clear he would never want to go on holiday with them. But he would never, ever stop me from going.

The only way I could see it being an issue would be if he is choosing a holiday with his family instead of a family holiday with you and the children that year.

gettingolderbutcooler · 15/02/2025 09:46

It doesn't sound as if you and dp are 'together' so mil booked a holiday for him and kids, but kindly invited you too.

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