Right will try and make this short as possible. I recently found out my wife was having an affair when a guy from work (I'm the husband). Marriage wasn't great in terms of affection, intimacy and general emotional availablity (as in over the past few years she became distant etc). Anyway after me asking for second time (denied the first time) I got the whole story which backed up what id already found out. Basically both him and her are terrified I'll let on to their work and have said the affair is over (I'm pretty sure it's not and obvs are still in contact) and that I go to his wife. This is my problem over the past few weeks I've literally being moving in a haze but now we've separated I'm fairly sure they have or about to start up again - he contacted me telling how grateful he is I never told his wife - this is the thing I didn't contact her as I told him he should do it if he has any conscience and a lot of people advised me not to get involved in his family BUT why shouldn't she know, we've both been treated like crap but the difference is I know it but she doesn't. AIBU to not tell her as I'm dealing with the fallout for me and my kids and need to concentrate on that??