Mums strange lie

You know, your mum is entitled to privacy. She doesn’t have to share with you things that aren’t appropriate or that she doesn’t want to.

What are you hoping for? Is it to be reassured she is ok? Is it to satisfy your curiosity? Work that out and see what you need to move on.

Were any of the arrows on her back?

I had radio on my breast recently, I just have three small dots. I don’t think they would tattoo arrows or lines, but couldn’t say for certain.

My daughter is in her 30s and I can still remember the way we reacted to that book.

OP, is there any way that your mum might have been going onto some sort of BDSM site? Did she have a partner at the time? Was she broke? The way she's reacted shows she wasn't doing it willingly. It's horrifying really the thought of her scrubbing herself afterwards

Do you have a good relationship with your mum now? Are the tattoos recent? Then just compliment her on them, and ask her about them , what the meaning is and see what she says.

It reminds me of the scene in The Illustrated Mum when the bipolar mother covers herself in white paint and is taken to hospital.

Is DM's mental health ok? Could it have been some kind of episode?

Honestly, don't broach this again with your Mum.
It's none of your business.Stay out of her private trauma if you think it's that.
Feel free to tie yourself in knots but leave your Mum alone . The chances are you've missed remembered / changed a fair bit of detail anyway. That's how memories go.

You're never going to know. Everyone can speculate about all kinds, but he fact is she doesn't want to tell you, to the point she has insinuated you are making it up. While this may feel unfair, if generally she doesn't do this, then I think you have to respect that is too traumatic for her. I think you should go to counselling yourself to try to come to terms with it as otherwise you will drive yourself crazy and it may damage your relationship with your mother

If she wanted you to know she would tell you. Not everything is your business even if it upsets you.

I agree with the pp who said it may have been kink/BDSM related. There’s quite a few people interested in body markings as part of this. Perhaps an initially consensual encounter went wrong, she was violated, subjected to this against her will. Her getting tattoos now, years later, may be her way of exerting autonomy over what’s done to and on her body.

I don’t think you should pursue this with her. She clearly doesn’t want to talk about it, you should respect that.

Was there another adult in the house when she came home, who was looking after you?
do they remember?can you remember how long she was out?

I just think of mental health problems, does that sound plausable? Could she have just done them herself during a mental health episode?

Either way I think it's bad she tried to make out it was a dream.

I'd just completely omit what I saw when I was a child, and just ask about the tattoo conversationally. She's either going to talk about it or she's not.

Your memories and feelings around them are valid. But you'll likely get more answers if you don't bring that period of time up, and just let things unfold naturally, in the present, rather than potentially forcing the past on her

Have you spoke to her as an adult about this? Or only as a child? I can understand that she might have denied it back them as maybe it's to do with something not age appropriate for a child, but if you approach the conversation now you might get a different response? I agree with @MummyJ36 's response and think it's worth a try especially in light of the tattoos.

Way to miss the point....🙄😒

Agreed

Exactly - it should be all about the OP. Let DM keep her trauma private

Oh, interesting, @Kittylickingplate. 1994 and it does look scary!
Would you have been seven in 1994, @dontsaystuff?

The Big Crunch, S2, Ep 4+5.

drew

There was an episode of Cracker? I think where they abducted a girl and dress all over her. Very similar to this description

You could also seek a hypnotherapist and see if you could 'go back' to that day in some way.

Maybe gently start a conversation about the value of therapy in dealing with trauma even when it happened many years ago.

It might well be that she has been doing therapy, since she now has a little tattoo reminiscent of what you saw. It might be possible to steer her into discussion of joint therapy.

I'd like to gently suggest therapy for you too.

Was your mother ever a member of any obscure religious groups? What is her religious/ ethnic background? Don't answer if too outing.

I believe you too.

When I was growing up, I would often see my mum in the garden, her lips moving, talking to someone. When I’d ask her, she’d either say she wasn’t (but I saw her,) or she was talking to the cat (but the cat was nowhere insight.) It wasn’t nice that she couldn’t just tell me the truth.. ‘ I talk to myself, I talk to such and such who passed away’ whatever.

She stayed at my house in December. I passed her door and I heard her talking whispering, on and on. I couldn’t hear what she was saying and listened for a while and just went to bed. I’ve also had her deny saying things or that things happened.

I think I would, as someone else suggested, say this has disturbed and bothered me for years. Please can you briefly just explain what it was? Also what is the symbolism of your tattooes? Hopefully she can just answer 🙏

@user1473878824 because it's so strange. The other examples from PPs are 'memories' of things that really happened and were described to them, or a very young child's construction of an event that's often talked about - being chased by a swan - and occurs in stories.

I don't think I've led a particularly sheltered life. I watched my mum cover up black eyes and throttle marks (in reality). I've never heard about a woman frantically scrubbing lines & arrows off her body before today. If this was a scene in an old TV drama or something, I'll be corrected.