Mums strange lie

Unless she were a contortionist, how would she b able to draw all over her body?

As someone who has experienced a death of a parent, I would add if this is still bothering you to this degree and your mother is still alive, I'd have a serious formal try at having it out with her - believe me the things you never asked or spoke about torture you after death because you can't get any answers.

I would 'make an appointment' to see her, when you both have time and are alone and private. Tell her you have something to discuss that is deeply troubling you. Be calm and not emotional but tell her what you have said here
that you remember this
it really traumatised you
since then it has gravely disturbed you that she won't discuss it and whilst you appreciate that she is entitled to her own privacy that because this has been so distressing for you in three ways - the trauma of what you saw (seeing a parent distressed as a child is very destabilising especially if you don't understand it), her initial 'lie' (don't call it that) and then her repeated attempt to gaslight you (Again don't call it that either). That you remain very distressed by this years later and still havd dreams about it.
That you aren't asking for great detail but just even the barest explanation about what had happened even if it was 'I had seen a surgeon and it related to [radio therapy/plastic sugery' and I was upset because [general answer] to help you deal with it and calm you.
You could add if she is still no keen you recently heard of someone who was traumatised because a parent died and they couldn't get any answers and

Speaking as someone post - lost, I would have a good and serious try again and explain why, make clear it is important to you - becuase once they are gone, it will torture you - not just that you don't know but you didn't give it one last big try to find answers to help you mentally.

If you go for one Big Deal formal meeting then it avoids the 'chipping away' 'pestering' about it.

You definitely don't want to be in a position where on her death bed you are pestering her about this.

@Alalalala I'm not shaming her and there are a couple of very dark memories from my own childhood that my mum couldn't/would't shine clarity on. And to keep chipping away at it would have harmed her so I had to move forward with the unanswered questions, that still plague me sometimes. But there are no other choices but to carry on.

If the OP truly feels that she cannot do that then she would be best talking to a professional and getting some support that way.

Posters keep saying the mum is an individual, leave her alone to process her trauma etc - and yes, I can see this. But - she is a mother with a responsibility to parent her child. For whatever reason she exposed her child to something disturbing and mysterious that has troubled that child ever since.

The OP should not be shamed for wanting clarity - for needing it.

My first thought was maybe she'd been to see a plastic surgeon because they to this at consultation. These type of things:

https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/drawn-lines-on-mixed-colorwomans-face-44871976

https://www.alamy.com/close-up-of-male-doctor-drawing-marks-on-woman-body-before-plastic-surgery-plastic-surgeon-holding-ruler-and-drawing-line-on-abdomen-of-female-patient-concept-of-abdominoplasty-cosmetic-surgery-image398469466.html

https://gothamplasticsurgeryny.com/5-reasons-why-cosmetic-surgeons-draw-on-patients-before-treatment/

@dontsaystuff This is so psychologically damaging for you because your DM has brushed it off by saying it must be a dream you had, then got tattoos like the very marks you’ve asked her about. That would mess with anyone’s head.

There’s a slight possibility it was a dream, you hallucinated it for some reason or you’ve misremembered what happened. But, then why on earth would she mess with your head by getting the tattoos?

You’ve made it clear you’re not wanting your mum to tell you why she was covered in marks, upset and scrubbing herself. You’re not expecting her to talk about something she doesn’t want to. All you want is for her to acknowledge you remember correctly, so you can feel sane.

IMHO the best course of action is to let your mum know how much it’s affecting you and reassure her all you need is acknowledgement it happened and then you won’t keep pushing her to tell you any more. If she loves you, she’ll do that. If she promises you faithfully it never happened, then she owes you a plausible explanation for the tattoos and to acknowledge they made you more confused.

The bizarre thing about this is that you remember her absolutely covered in marks. What on earth would cause that? Perhaps your childhood memory has embellished the number of marks because it was a distressing incident for you?

If you get nothing from your mum on any of this, the only thing you can do, to stop it mentally torturing you, is let it go. You and your mum are both alive and well. You have a close relationship. Feel grateful for that. Look forward rather than back. Therapy may help.

I think that the OP has clarified that she just wants her mother to confirm that what she saw did happen. I know that the mother is entitled to privacy but the OP was a 7 year old child witnessing something that was very scary for her. The mother is no doubt living with traumatic memories and the OP is living with a sense of bewilderment and disorentation about a very significant and upsetting event. It is truly horrible for both and I can understand both sides. But I always feel that we choose to have our children and we should prioritise their fears and upset over ours where we can do so, whilst respecting our own boundaries.

If you were my daughter I'd be really annoyed if you kept asking me something I didn't want to discuss, or never happened. Your mum is a person in her own right and she doesn't need to discuss something with you if she doesn't want to.

I honestly do both empathize and sympathise with the OP and have been in a very similar position with my own parent, but life if not a book with every loose end tied up. Unfortunately we sometimes have to learn to navigate life with scary memories unvalidated.

I do truly understand what the OP is seeking but I'm also mindful that there is potentially a very vulnerable woman at the centre of this whose behaviour might not be making sense but is still entitled to privacy and protection.

Have you asked about the tattoos?

Just asked what they signify etc? Rather then in relation to the memory.

I'm sorry for you. It sounds like it was real and a traumatic experience for you and your mum and it's tough to know something happened to you mum and not be able to bring it up.

I overheard my mum say something extremely disturbing, and I've never felt able to bring it up with her as it's too painful, and it's hard holding that so I relate.

Its weird to you and that's fine. To me its screaming traumatic reaction or ownership. Either ways this woman is an individual and owes nobody an explanation, not even her own daughter.

Yes I agree. And the new tatoos the mother has recently had have created a mental representation of the earlier memory and so the feelings of fear and upset have re-emerged for the OP. This is totally understandable and it is very hard living with something so confusing and incongruent with regards to a loved one. The OP and her mother sound close, and it sounds like the OP just wants her thoughts and memories validated, she is not seeking to pry.

People posting on here can show an astounding lack of empathy at times, whilst at the same time lecturing the OP on their lack of empathy. Truly Bizarre....

I was very scared, confused and upset

This is the crux of the matter. Fear.

Its none of your business and leave it at that.

OP please ignore the unkind people saying "It's not all about you." You never said it was. It was a frightening childhood experience that you want to talk about as you got no answers. That's OK

I'm heavily tattooed, I understand that tattoos can carry a personal meaning although arrows usually signify determination, strength and moving forward. Dashes can sometimes mean time or a journey. If something awful did happen to your mother, could it be that she has taken the markings and made them into something positive for herself that she can see on a daily basis to remind her how strong she is and how far she has come?
Also, if you have a picture of the dashes, do they match Morse Code?

It's not all about you. Given what I have also said about how false memories can be made, I'd leave it alone. It's not any of your business unless your mum wants it to be.

You're not making it all about yourself. Some posters are being unkind about the scared young child you were.

False memory is a thing. I vividly remember wearing a syren suit (an all-in-one suit with a hood for use during WWII and later) and looking out of an aeroplane at hills and valleys - it's Wales. I know I have whooping cough.
This is a false memory. I did have whooping cough and did have a syren suit (they were fashionable till mid-fifties) but I was not taken up in an aeroplane over Wales - which was a thing done by wealthy parents for children with whooping cough. My 'memory' is two-fold. 1. I had whooping cough and the suit. 2. My mother frequently told the story of how she had, as a baby, been taken onto a flying boat on the Solent, as her father had been a cabinet maker with the firm who built them. (I now also know there was a regular flying boat service from Southampton Water to the Isle of Wight).

These two memories have fused in my mind. Both are true memories but the resulting belief I flew over Wales is false (though maybe the mountains and valleys is an inherited memory from my mother - such inherited memories in our DNA are now shown to happen e.g. I and both my brothers were deeply interested in buying, selling and collecting antique furniture; not until I did some family history did I realise our nineteenth century ancestors had been cabinet makers - my DM always called her father a carpenter, which is different).
So your memory of your mother and the arrows may be based on two or more true memories but is in itself false.

I’ve just seen a photo of her that shows a series of dashed lines tattooed on her other arm.

A recent photo? Has she still got the tattoos now or has she had them removed and is denying ever having them? Are they on display or does she keep her arms covered up so you can't see them?

You are making this all about yourself and it’s not. Even your comment about how she left the bathroom door open must mean she wanted you to see her. Let your mother be and move on, it’s not about you.

People don't get arrows drawn on their bodies when they do life modelling?! The client doesn't touch the model at all.
It must have been something someone did to her, and she doesn't want to share what happened. She might feel able to in the future, but for now unfortunately I think you'd better try and push it out of your mind. And just focus on making sure she's alright now.

Henna tattoo? Were super popular in early 90's until people started having really back reactions to them.

Just leave it though OP, you don't need to know, it's your Mum's business.