Mums strange lie

Do you think you would both be better for knowing something she seems so wary of sharing? Could you cope? Are you equipped to support her if you unearth past traumas?

You are making it all about yourself.

It’s about what YOU remember, what YOU need to know and how YOU don’t want to be lied to.

If your mother doesn’t want to discuss this with you, leave her be

It is about OP though. She was a child and she saw something that has impacted on her, her mother is meant to be the person to shield her from such things and instead, let her see whatever this was and then subsequently gaslit her own child saying it didn’t happen. Her mother has a right to privacy, but her daughter has a right to not be gaslit and made to feel she’s made something up, her mother could just say yes it happened but I don’t want to talk about it. From OPs posts I think she would accept that, but just wants reassurance she did see what she saw

I agree

I agree with @OpalQuartz , you are not making this about you. I really don’t agree about privacy etc. You are entitled to your feelings, and shouldn’t be minimised.

Posted in error sorry

So true. Trauma can absolutely be passed from one generation to another and emerge in different ways: emotionally cold parenting, mental instability, violence.

Lots of trauma from WW1 and WW2 was passed to the next generations and still emerges today.

I think I would say something like
"this feels really bizarre to me. Those tattoos you have got look so familiar because they look like the ones you came home distressed and scrubbed off when I was a child. Remember that time that you told me i'd imagined it?
We both know I didnt imagine it, but I stopped asking anyway. Now youve got tattoos of the marks, are you still going to tell me it was my imagination?

If she didnt at least acknowledge that it had actually happened, even if she didnt want to explain them, then I think i'd find that really difficult to believe her and trust what she said in general.
Obviously everyone is entitled to a private life, even mums! That doesnt mean its fair to gaslight your kids.

Why grow up? Gaslighting someone is wrong and distressing. I certainly don’t think the OP should harangue her DM for an answer but the tattoos in visible places that she’s quite happy to be seen in public opens the conversation IMO.

I think OP said she's in her twenties so her mum could only be in her forties or even late thirties if she had her young. So if OP was 7 when this could have happened her mum could have been mid twenties and it the result of some daft drunken/ druggy episode that meant nothing I know that doesn't really explain why she denied it, maybe going through some embarrassing phase she doesn't want to remember. It is also possible OP has misremembered it. I'd just ask the significance of the tattoos and see if that sheds any light on it. Presumably she'd be willing to talk about the tattoos otherwise she'd have had them done in a more hidden place.

I also think you have to be aware that if you get the answers you are looking for you may find it more distressing than not knowing. Why don't you talk it through with a therapist before deciding what you want to do?

She is also a mother who had the responsibility of a child. And that child got traumatised by it.

Gaslighting your child, or anyone for that matter, never ends well. in particular, it sounds like this is what has caused tye most upset for the OP.

She could easily confirmed the OP was right. That she is sorry for the lie. And also tell the OP she isn’t comfortable talking about it.

RTFT. That wasn't in reply to the OP.

And you think that’s a helpful reply??? You should be ashamed!

I think some posters are being unfair. While your mum is entitled to her privacy, this is a really confusing memory for you and the recent tattoos are making you even more confused. It's understandable that you would want some kind of answer or acknowledgement after your mum denied this happening but then got tattoos, even if she just said something bad happened and she didn't want to talk about it.

My assumption is that she went for an appointment for plastic surgery, chickened out/got upset about it, and now has the tattoos as a symbol of overcoming low self esteem and realising she doesn't need surgery. But this is just my interpretation

Yep. Also humans are by nature curious creatures, so it's all well and good people saying the mum just needs to confirm to the OP that it happened. But nobody can say that once the OP has that confirmation then her mind wouldn't start overrunning with further questions she'd need the answers to.

With the help of a mirror you could quite easily reach 80% of your body. The back would be the only area you can't draw on. However I also think OP's recollection of the markings covering "every part of her body" could be a false memory, unless she came through the door naked or actively took all her clothes off while her daughter watched. It sounds more like she came home in normal clothing, her arms and possibly neck/face was covered with marks and this was interpreted by a child as being all over.

I think the explanation is probably quite banal, possibly a MH episode or maybe some type of alternative "therapy" that went wrong. May be she went to some kind of shaman or energy healer and was made to take part in a ritual that she was later ashamed of. Or someone promised her a job as model and it turned out to be a creepy setup that wasn't serious. She was probably too embarrassed about it all and denied it happening. The tattoo might just be a coincidence, although that in itself is the oddest detail for me. How many 60-70 year olds get tattoos on a whim? This seems to indicate more about her personality and possible past lifestyle that could explain the incident OP remembers.

Equally you could say why does the adult's trauma override a child's??
It's not competition. They're both traumatized in this situation.

Please do not make sweeping assertions about concentration camp survivors and assert that they all wish to share their experiences!!

There is "no right to understand".

Yes, I don't get why OP's troubled memory override's her mother's clearly obvious wish for privacy. (Or that OP's 'trauma' somehow overrides the obvious trauma her mother still carries)

If she were your daughter, wouldn't you want to help her get the closure she is so clearly seeking, on an episode which was traumatic to her as a child?

Exactly!

100%.

Her child was distressed by what she saw (or even dreamt or imagined) at 7/8. The mum brushed it off with ‘they’re only drawings’. Fair enough.

At 9/10, she’s told her she must have dreamt it and has stuck that that since. Fair enough if it’s true and the ‘they’re only drawings’ was part of the dream/imagination. Not fair enough if it’s a lie because that’s gaslighting your own child.

At some later point, she’s got tattoos of that very thing. That’s messing with your kid’s head.

The strangest part of this story is why her mum, presumably quite elderly now, went to get a tattoo. Does she have other tattoos? Has she had a lifestyle in her youth where she would get frequent tattoos so getting one later in life isn't a big deal? Someone getting their first tattoo in their 60s or 70s would be extremely unusual, especially if it connects to decade long trauma.