Mums strange lie

Your DM did acknowledge it but clearly didn't want to talk about it.

You kept bringing it up even though you knew she didn't want to go there, hence her then saying it didn't happen.

People don't mention a lot of things that are very clear to everybody else, that's their right.
If she isn't ready to talk about it, no one has a right to force her to.

If it's something she's overcome and wants to forget about, pretending it didn't happen might be her way of coping.

The tattoo might symbolise conquering whatever it was.

People deny all sorts, having kids, being gay, being abused etc. That's for the person to disclose.

Were they like Ley lines? Could she have been abducted by aliens? Can you remember if she had her hair shaped like the Pyramids of Giza?

I understand why you want to know. I also think that you aren’t making it all about you by voicing that here rather that with your mother or other family

@AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta Their comments must be on pages 4 - 7 then! 😂

@AngelicKaty I'm surprised MNetters haven't been quick to point out this is gas-lighting.

They have. Repeatedly.

@dontsaystuff I think some posters have been rather harsh with you, or they haven't retained the information you gave in your OP. I don't believe you think this is about you at all, but you know what you saw and you raised it with your DM a number of times in the weeks immediately after it happened when she didn't deny what you saw but told you it was "just drawings". A couple of years down the line, however, she claims you dreamt it, leaving you to second-guess yourself, and that's not fair - I'm surprised MNetters haven't been quick to point out this is gas-lighting. I totally understand that she's never wanted to tell you what happened (and likely still doesn't) so I think all you can ask her to do is confirm that something did happen and not leave you in the position of feeling like you imagined it when you know you didn't. (Maybe remind her that she told you it was "just drawings" shortly after it happened, so you know you didn't dream it.)
Good luck OP, I hope you get what you need from your next conversation with your DM.

Apologies if this has been covered, but I couldn't see it ... the child was around 7 when her mum came home distressed .. weHre there no other adults in the house at the time? Had she been left home alone?

@OverTheTopOfTheMountain obviously none of us can know what was going through the OPs mums head when she said that to her as a teenage but I can only imagine that she said it to try and ward off any other follow up questions.

Although you’re curious I wouldn’t ask her again as she obviously doesn’t want to revisit it.

OP doesn’t need to be told the whole story. She only needs to know, for her own sanity, that her childhood memory is correct. She appears content to leave it at that.

Op knows her memory is correct though as her mum confirmed it at the time.

@NovemberMorn the difference between the OP and you is that, fir your mum, it happened before you were born. Whereas the OP witnessed the aftermath. She was part of it. She has memories of the incident.

Telling her it was just drawings when she was 6yo was not a surprising answer. It certainly didn’t take into account how traumatic it was then for the OP to see her mum so distressed. But you can also understand why.
Telling her it didn’t happen/lying/gaslighting her as a teen wasn’t.

As you are going to ask your mum about it again @dontsaystuff , I would approach it by specifically saying you're not asking what it was all about and you're not prying into things she doesn't want to share, but you'd like confirmation and clarity about the memory you have.

Have you considered that she isn’t gaslighting her but she is protecting her? You don’t know what happened to her mother and you don’t know whether the OP will able to handle the truth (assuming her memories are real). OP had asked several times and for whatever reason has been told nothing. Pushing for such things when the person is not ready will only make them feel cornered and will not accomplish anything good. As I said earlier in the thread the only thing OP can productively do is share her feelings with her mum and let her know she is there if her mum wants to talk. I speak from the point of view of a daughter whose mother lived through trauma and is still affected by it. She told me when she was ready and believe me I wish she hadn’t as it’s so difficult to now live with knowing what she had to endure.

There's no way I'd not do all I could to find out what it was,it's had a big impact on your life clearly, of yourself it's about YOU, it impacted you. The gaslighting would piss me right off.

OP, whatever it was, your mum was very upset, she hasn't wanted to talk about it, so I really think you should accept that and leave it in the past.
My mum is sadly no longer here, before I was born she suffered a terrible tragedy.
Through various members of my family I heard little bits of what had happened, how it had affected my mother, but it was like a taboo subject. Then those older relatives died, and I never found out details.

I would never have quizzed my mum about it, because she had buried it in the past, and it would have been cruel to bring it back.

This is a good point.

OP doesn’t need to be told the whole story. She only needs to know, for her own sanity, that her childhood memory is correct. She appears content to leave it at that.

However, if her DM wants to go further and tell her more of what happened, and it’s something very traumatic (e.g. sexual assault), I agree OP should suggest her mother tells her with the support of therapy for them both, with time booked off work straight afterwards. To ensure there’s a safe space and support for both of them, rather than them having to provide this for each other. And they both have mental space to process.

I’m with OP. Regardless of what the marks are, she’s been told something didn’t happen that did. That makes it stick out even more in her memory, and even doubt real memories as dreams. It’s a short cut to addressing the issue that has repercussions for how OP views her relationship with her usually open Mom.

Id say, at a convenient and quiet time, are these tattoos something to do with what happened when I was little?

it acknowledges that it did happen. And that may be what OP needs to hear; not the details of it all.

Because it's the mum who had the scary event happen to her. I understand OP was freaked out but that doesn't mean she deserves any kind of explanation.

I don't believe OP has a right to know what happened to her mum all those years ago. I have lots of random memories from my childhood that I never got an explanation for, but it's not my place to push my parents for answers. If they wanted to share with me, they would.

If OP is still struggling, she could talk to a therapist.

Sounds runic to me.
OP… she doesn’t want you to know.
Leave it.

@OpalQuartz I've never said she wasn't entitled to post or that she was making it about herself. But the poster I quoted said that they didn't agree about the privacy and that was what I was looking for confirmation about.

No one has said the mother is entitled to no privacy. OP is allowed to talk about a frightening childhood experience that she got no explanation for on an anonymous forum without unkindly being told she is "making it all about her."

If I were you I would ask her again too, but I would wait until you're at least in your mid thirties.
I hope this doesn't sound patronising but as you're only in your 20s your mum is still going to probably still see you largely as an inexperienced child snd may not feel it appropriate to share yet

Radiotherapy ones are small, discreet. Not arrows, not dashes, not lines. Small dots no bigger than a freckle

You don't agree that the OPs mum is entitled to any privacy over whatever this matter is? The OP can ask if the event happened and the mum can confirm that it did, which is all the OP says they want. But then it must be left there unless the mum feels otherwise.

Honestly unless she's prone to cults, some sort of 'alternative therapy' or been kidnapped you probably are remembering it wrong