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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going all out for your kids on valentines day

235 replies

Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 20:43

Seriously when did that become a thing! Tonight I’ve been told it’s ’on me’ that I feel guilty because it’s splashed all over my social media feeds about the efforts parents have gone to, balloons, presents, cakes, breakfasts for their children on Valentine’s Day?

Like AIU to think it shouldn’t be another thing to pressure parents into feeling guilty? Like the elf and so on!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:25

Miaowzabella · 14/02/2025 21:23

So what are you doing about that, exactly?

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Lots! It’s kind of my job! 🤷‍♀️

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Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 14/02/2025 21:25

YNBU.
It's ridiculous.
It's all for likes and approval
Kids will constantly expect OTT celebrations of commercialised shit.
It's like an episode of black mirror.
"Please like my picture of a pink gift bag filled with junk and shit I've wasted my money on or my life won't be fulfilled"

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/02/2025 21:24

Not even sure if my kids actually knew it was Valentine’s Day today. DD1(11yo) certainly didn’t mention it. DH and I did nothing to acknowledge the day with each other either.

I’m of the opinion that everyone does what makes them happy and I don’t feel guilty for not subscribing to it all. I do a Christmas Eve box and Christmas pjs but definitely no elf on the shelf or Valentine’s Day breakfast. I don’t judge those or compare myself to those who do it differently. Life’s too short for that and I don’t have the energy!

Original poster
Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:24

saveforthat · 14/02/2025 21:20

It can't be serious.

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John McEnroe is a poster on mumsnet! 😂

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Miaowzabella · 14/02/2025 21:23

Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:22

Someone mentioned this earlier up the thread and I love it! I’m a teacher and if parents spent half their time focussing on fostering a love of books as they do on creating the posts for likes from their followers, the world would be a better place.

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So what are you doing about that, exactly?

TheRealTina · 14/02/2025 21:23

sorry, I am born today so the whole family will get some cake or flowers or cards etc

ACR7 · 14/02/2025 21:23

I’d like to think most people just like to have abit of fun. I did get the baby some buttons and she gave out cards to her daddy and grandad. I certainly didn’t put anything on social media and it just brightened the day abit. It definitely isn’t needed but I don’t see why it bothers others what people do with their kids.

Original poster
Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:23

PheasantPluckers · 14/02/2025 21:19

Are you for real? If it's having an affect on your emotional state i.e 'making' you feel guilty, then it's affecting you.

I'm beginning to think l this isn't a serious post.

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You can think what you like!

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GravyBoatWars · 14/02/2025 21:22

It's not a thing my family does, but then I find the way some families do birthdays, Christmas and Easter wildly over the top as well.

But I don't share your resentment or whatnot about others going all out if they want to. It's not your fault you feel guilty but it is your own feeling to process and deal with yourself. It's not anyone else's job to parent their own children in a way that makes us feel good about how we parent ours.

Original poster
Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:22

stargirl1701 · 14/02/2025 21:07

It's International Book Giving Day. That's what I celebrate.

Someone mentioned this earlier up the thread and I love it! I’m a teacher and if parents spent half their time focussing on fostering a love of books as they do on creating the posts for likes from their followers, the world would be a better place.

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elm26 · 14/02/2025 21:21

I gave our DD who's almost 2 a Minnie Mouse card and a big pink rubber duck for the bath with "I love you" on it. She was really excited by both. I spent £4.

My DH and I just give each other a card and get a takeaway.

I just think it's a day about "love" whether that's romantic or family or friends.

But I don't think you should feel guilty about it!

PheasantPluckers · 14/02/2025 21:20

saveforthat · 14/02/2025 21:18

I don't believe this is real, if it is real, I don't believe the op is a teacher. If it is real and the op is a teacher, I despair.

I was just thinking the same thing about not being a teacher too - typed it out but deleted it in my last post 😂

This is surely just a wind up.

saveforthat · 14/02/2025 21:20

PheasantPluckers · 14/02/2025 21:19

Are you for real? If it's having an affect on your emotional state i.e 'making' you feel guilty, then it's affecting you.

I'm beginning to think l this isn't a serious post.

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It can't be serious.

PheasantPluckers · 14/02/2025 21:19

Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:16

So what if I am? Doesn’t mean I’m affected by it!

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Are you for real? If it's having an affect on your emotional state i.e 'making' you feel guilty, then it's affecting you.

I'm beginning to think l this isn't a serious post.

saveforthat · 14/02/2025 21:18

I don't believe this is real, if it is real, I don't believe the op is a teacher. If it is real and the op is a teacher, I despair.

Trainr · 14/02/2025 21:18

Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:16

So what if I am? Doesn’t mean I’m affected by it!

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I think that is what it means though. You’ve been affected by it as you feel guilty.

Have some confidence in yourself and your decisions of what you want to do, and try not to judge others for their choices too.

Original poster
Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:17

Eenameenadeeka · 14/02/2025 21:15

I think you are unreasonable for feeling guilty and thinking that it's done to put pressure on you. I think other people do it because they enjoy it and they think it makes their children happy. I don't think they are thinking about you, or how you will feel about it. If you don't like it and don't want to celebrate, then don't.

I haven’t once said that it’s done to our pressure on me personally!

I do what makes my child happy as much as I can and don’t need to prove that on the one day of the year marketing promotes it!

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Alittlegreenwhale · 14/02/2025 21:16

Itsjustnotthevibe · 14/02/2025 20:51

I didn't even get a card for my husband let alone my kids!

Ha, this!

Tbh we had one child vomiting this morning and another with EBSA, so it was a good couple of hours before we even exchanged 'Happy Valentine's day' wishes...

Original poster
Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:16

PheasantPluckers · 14/02/2025 21:10

You're the one that said it made you feel guilty.

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So what if I am? Doesn’t mean I’m affected by it!

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Eenameenadeeka · 14/02/2025 21:15

I think you are unreasonable for feeling guilty and thinking that it's done to put pressure on you. I think other people do it because they enjoy it and they think it makes their children happy. I don't think they are thinking about you, or how you will feel about it. If you don't like it and don't want to celebrate, then don't.

Original poster
Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:14

StSwithinsDay · 14/02/2025 21:13

@Supergirl1958
But you say it makes you feel guilty. So it is affecting you.
Is there a reason you can't stop looking at Instagram? Find healthier ways to live your life.

‘Can’t stop’ whatever gave you that impression?

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LittleRedRidingHoody · 14/02/2025 21:14

I understand, but we also need to stop the judgement in the other direction! I do something small with DS because I WANT to - it's a nice way to shake up February a bit. It's not on social media (shocking to some of you clearly) and I'd never blame or think anything less of another parent for not doing it. It's my 'problem' but in general I like celebrating as much as possible and planning things like this is my idea of fun!

However this year I've been pressured by several other parents to 'admit' what I'm doing only for them to tell me how awful it is and how much of a waste of time it is - sure it is, but it's my waste of time! I don't get why we can't just respect parents wishes to do what they want with their kids ~ it's insane this perceived judgement/pressure/guilt even reaches parents for things as small as Valentine's Day! 😅 Let's all just raise our kids as we want and with the acknowledgment that some people celebrate things on different days 💁‍♀️

RabbitsRock · 14/02/2025 21:14

I didn’t know this was a thing. I bought DD16 some lovehearts, which it turns out she doesn’t like! DH has bought her flowers in the past but I don’t think Valentines is about your kids.

Trainr · 14/02/2025 21:14

I’m sorry that you feel like this, it must be tough. Have you thought of having a break from social media?

Original poster
Supergirl1958 · 14/02/2025 21:13

Househunter2025 · 14/02/2025 21:13

If you've been looking at your "feed" all day then it is on you, yes. You are addicted to social media and it's harming you. That is the issue, not whether other families celebrate valentine's day. You know it's just about likes so why do you attach so much importance to it?

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All day? How did you come to that conclusion?

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