Kids giving other kids valentines gifts

If everyone is compelled...

Well for starters, where my kids went to school, nobody was 'compelled' to participate in the Valentine's Day celebration, and secondly, there is a lot wrong with stating most will have no meaning at all as a complaint. These kids were aged 4 to 13 - of course Valentine's cards have no romantic meaning, and this is only right. They have plenty of other meanings.

The statement Even small children know some classmates don't like them much, some kids seem to take every chance to make that known! is presented as an unassailable truth - and it's horrifying to me that this culture is allowed in schools. Do teachers and school admins make no effort at all to create a school culture of acceptance, inclusion, and kindness? If not, no wonder bullying is rampant.

So why would people who don't like them give them a Valentine's card? What's the point?
God this is sad.
It's part of encouraging kids to be kind to each other, trying to find something likeable in their classmates, and fostering connection instead of allowing division to fester. It's part of a wider picture of school administrators actively promoting school spirit and kind, respectful, accepting, and supportive personal relationships among the students.

Ensuring no-one ever feels left out is not teaching small people to rationalise and cope with the inevitable "why not me?" moments that they will never stop facing
What have I just read?
How about encouraging small children to make sure their classmates don't experience rejection or exclusion or any other form of torment or bullying, and trying to bring out the best in the students so as to create a positive learning atmosphere? No wonder kids end up feeling disengaged and disconnected from school and from wider society if that's the brutal climate they have to put up with as small children in a place where they should feel safe.

What sort of a school has a culture where girls and boys as young as 9 (!) are into the boy-girl shite already?

She has had an early life lesson that she won't necessarily be popular with the boys and like many on Valentines 😆

Not true.

I was an ugly ducking with dirty blonde hair, never got a card or a wink as a child/young teenager.

As a late teen/adult, I had no shortage of valentine admirers.

Happily married to a handsome man, together 18 years.

No. Hope that helps.

Also I really don’t think I could find it in myself to be bothered by this, it’s such a non issue. Most schools try to be as level a playing field as possible (uniform etc) but they can’t police everything. If a daft minority facilitate their kids doing, frankly, weird stuff like this, just teach your child that a) it’s weird and b) it doesn’t matter. Like, AT ALL.

She has had an early life lesson that she won't necessarily be popular with the boys and like many on Valentines Day will be single.

Just being honest.

My daughter got a card when she was in nursery from a little boy.

You don’t have to and every post with a laughing emoji, it’s okay to speak plainly.

I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or if you’re a bit backwards but I’ll clear it up for you either way as simple as I can:

OP said that the child in question received the gifts because she’s blonde so in response I said that my child too received gifts for being blonde and I’m part of the problem for creating a blonde child who is preventing other non blonde children from receiving valentines gifts. (FYI this is sarcasm, just in case you miss it, again)

Hope that helps 😂

My DS took a valentine gift in for his little ‘girlfriend’ in year 1 and 2. They weren’t in the same class so it was either a gift just for her, or the whole year group!

Hes in year 10 now and the student council sells roses, cards and cookies each year on Valentine’s to be given out. It’s one of their many fundraisers for the year 12 formal. The school posted photos of it all on Facebook, it looked a lot of fun!

Agreed, it’s not cute it’s really creepy and odd.

When my dd was 7 there was a boy who was her ‘boyfriend’.

The boys family were really into it, making jokes about buying hats etc. Even the grandmother became involved and came on school run to watch the boy give my daughter a ring!

The thing that really shocked me though was two teachers joined in and held a mock wedding one lunchtime! WTAF????

This was only a few years ago, still can’t believe all these adults thought it appropriate.

Mum to 2 boys (in the UK) and I think it’s ridiculous/hideous at that age!!
I cant wrap my head around people who think that it’s cute or sweet.

Bless her. Boys suck anyway.

I think it’s becoming more common and don’t have a huge problem with it. However, if there are only 14 children in a class (I’m jealous as a teacher and a Mum) you would have to be a bit of a moronic parent to not handle this a bit more sensitively surely? Hand them over on the school run or in the playground etc when the kids are milling around and too distracted to see exactly who has what. If I was in that class I would have been really upset to see it and would have found myself down at the local shop buying something for those left out. Year 1 is a bit young really, feels a bit creepy. Wish you could post your address and we could all send her some treats but not feasible I know.

I would speak to school, if the class sizes are this low then I agree that invites, gifts etc shouldn’t be handed over in class unless everyone is included, it’s too obvious for the little ones. A quick text or a paragraph on the newsletter should be sent out IMO.

Honestly I think it's some sort of trend this year, my child is year 5, all his girl mates were talking about who was giving gifts to who and the person he is going out with this week kept telling him what she would like, I spent a tenner on something from Amazon, then he wanted chocolate and a card and then more and became upset saying other children were buying more, I was like no this is ridiculous. Anyway he took them in, not sure what happened as still at work but the drama it's caused this week I hope it's not the same next year. Never had this with the oldest and he had the same ' girlfriend' all through primary.

I find this all really weird. In my day it was a thing for teenagers and it was supposed to be anonymous cards with rhymes.

My daughter is in a very boy heavy y2 class and was the only one of 7 girls not to get anything. She was upset, I shrugged it off with her and she got over it quickly, hopefully she will forget about it. I'm all for building resilience and have a 'thats life' approach to everything but I'll admit it caught me off guard a bit, she's not going to be one of the stereotypically 'pretty, popular girls' but I thought it wouldn't be much of a thing til later. On the other hand, she's one of the best readers in the class, so it's a good lesson in not always winning I suppose!

In my understanding you gave a
Valentines card or gift to somebody you fancied so all this "whole class stuff" is ridiculous.
I never got a Valentine growing up. My best friend got loads It didn't scar me for life.

My daughter is blonde haired and blue eyed so maybe her school valentines will be much different from mine - being a ginger kid wasn’t great

Which is wrong for many reasons and needs calling out. My daughters have brown hair and got cards, the parents saying, believing or perpetuating that it’s about being blonde are deluded.

My 11 year old just told me he made a card and have it to his form tutor, who he adores, but not in a romantic way.

Yeah, the thread had a few comments debating whether being a blonde girl equals more valentines gifts

I remember not being invited to a party for the first time aged five and it hurt my wee feelings. But it didn’t hurt nearly so much the next time cos I’d got the gist; sometimes you go, sometimes you don’t.

I was never the object of anyone’s Valentine’s affection either, but if I hadn’t had to deal with that very minor rejection, at a young age, with low stakes, was I not doomed to learning later, and more cruelly, at a much harder stage? My (blonde, funnily enough) daughter has never received a card in her life. She was never arsed about any of it as a little one. She doesn’t appear to lack willingness to feel good about herself, a lot of that is innate to be fair. She came home today amazed at some of the mad ££ spent on the gifts a few girls got but it didn’t seem to occur to her to care she didn’t personally get a zirconium ring or a three foot teddy.

If everyone is compelled to write a card to everyone else, most will have no meaning at all. Even small children know some classmates don’t like them much, some kids seem to seek every chance to make that known! So why would people who don’t like them give them a Valentine’s card? What’s the point? Ensuring no-one ever feels left out is not teaching small people to rationalise and cope with the inevitable ‘why not me?’ moments that they will never stop facing.

RE: the eight year old who got ‘dumped.’ DS also got the elbow at about nine and was wounded. He took after soppy me more 😂 It was a good learning opportunity. DH said it sounded like things had run their course, and there would be plenty of time for girls. I said that girls are people not prizes and are entitled to say they don’t want to go out with you. We pointed out as a sheer numbers game most romances end and suggested he be pleasant and treat her just the same as he always had. We also said ‘so will we just bin your mortgage application?’ - and he laughed, and that was that. He finds the memory of his reaction funny. He calls it his incel era 😂Hopefully he’ll remember it too, when he gets dumped for real. Mostly it doesn’t work out. Keep it friendly. It’s frequently not about you. Don’t get all bent out of shape.

Given the proliferation of deranged exes who are posted about on these boards maybe a few more mums and dads of yore needed a few more quiet words at a formative age about the inevitability of rejection and how to handle it with grace.

I do think the being blond thing has something to do with it. I remember the blond girl in my class in the 80s was always popular and in my daughter's year (lower primary), being blond seems to give status. So two anecdotes means it's definitely true!

A quick google shows that blond privilege may be a thing 🤷‍♀️

I don't agree with encouraging valentines for children.

Mmhmm, explain how that’s not what you’re saying ‘hun’?

Ds3 and ds4 have done valentines before, but only to individuals, not the whole class. To me a Valentine card/gift is for one special person, not lots of people. That's how it was when I was at school anyway. I got a card and chocolates from my year 11 boyfriend and he took me out to see titanic at the cinema.

This. No big deal.