DH and DSD(10)'s hygiene

A 10 year old if either sex shouldn't be smelling that bad even of they don't shower daily. Is she putting clean clothes on?

@LemonExpert sorry but I feel you might need to guide her. dad is obviously not doing it properly. if she doesnt get this into a routine now then she will forever be known as the smelly girl all through school and that would be a shame. take her a buy some soaps, not shower gels. soaps stay on the body longer. tell her how to wash herself then rinse herself and use an antiperspirant. tell her about her periods and how at those times she will need extra showers because periods do stink. be good to her. and tell her she needs clean clothes every day, especially knickers. x

I found my dc could wash their hair with the shampoo but found it difficult to rinse it out properly so I would help her at that stage.

I think some kids find it easy to keep themselves clean or maybe they are not particularly smelly but others find it hard.
I remember when my dc used to have a shower after swimming and everyone was happily washing quickly and got themselves out with no fuss and my dc found the whole thing difficult.

Take her swimming, then she'll smell like bleach for 4 days a week.

This.

Some kids don't know how to clean themselves and can't articulate it very well/are too embarrassed to say so.

My kid would still stink now if we'd gone with this approach. Some of them need clear instructions as to what 'wash yourself' actually means. And then they need someone to rate their efforts as pass/fail.

Sometimes the problem is that they don't know how to clean themselves properly and need some help to learn.

She should not be refusing showers unless she was ND. We have an ND child but I make sure hygiene happens

My step daughter went through a phase of this at around the same age. Same issue you describe with yours.

There was a lot of no “no go and wash your hair again” etc etc involved. I was never directly involved but did deliberately indirectly try and help. Via general chats about products I like etc. Turned out nobody, least of all her mother, had explained how to wash her (very thick) hair correctly to her. Showed her how to dry it nicely etc. So I did. It did really help.

She’s mid teens now and most certainly not a soap dodger!

Without needing to give all the details, what is she smelling of?

If she is getting in the shower, it's hard to understand how she is not washing properly. Is she not using soap at all?

I am wondering if there may be a fungal infection as those can have a smell but will need specific treatment to clear up properly - soap won't work. Can look a bit like eczema? Possibly in skin creases around arm put?

If it is toilet related then that is a separate issue and discussions should be had sensitively but clearly about it including provision of wet wipes as needed.

To me, this sounds like a potential self-confidence issue. You say she's not helping herself by not being clean. On the surface, that makes sense. But think of it as a self-worth issue, not just a self-confidence issue.

Work on helping her improve her self worth and self confidence, and the hygiene will come. Telling her that she smells/needs to shower better/needs help washing her hair, will just further damage her image of herself.

OP what exactly does she smell of? You’ve not answered this.

My dd was an absolute shower dodger between the ages of 9-13.

Now she’s a bloody nightmare. I’m twice a day for hours on end.

My son started secondary school last September and although he washed, he didn't wash properly/enough. I was stern and straight to the point with him. I told him you don't want to be known as the smelly kid at school and luckily my 'harsh' as some may think conversation worked cos he smells lovely all the time 😂 I think sometimes kids just need telling properly, might upset them for a short time but it's better than them being bullied throughout school just because we didn't want to hurt their feelings.

A costly trip but in the mean time would she accept the thinking it’s a nice treat to get her hair washed and styled by the hairdresser?

Not every week but to it might make it a nicer experience a grown up treat where she might be more willing to let someone pamper her at home with the fancy hair washing.

He needs to ignore the tears. You don't have to be cruel, you just say nope, not washed properly, back in you go and try again, and once you're clean we will do X thing that you like.

I used to be like this, I couldn’t stand being told what to do so if I was told to shower I’d turn the shower on and stand in the bathroom pretend I was showering maybe wet myself a little. I have no idea why I can only think it’s because I was told to. I grew out of it at 16 and now bath or shower twice a day. I think bribery would have worked for me at that age.

Does she smell of BO or is it another smell? If she is showering 3/4 times a week she should be fine. If she only wants to wash her hair once a week get her some dry shampoo to help. Does she enjoy a bath or do you only have a shower? 10 is a funny age not quite a child not quite a tween. Try putting a waterproof speaker or radio in the shower, she may stay in longer.

Failing that, take her to get her hair done nice maybe? Take her swimming once a week?

I hate showering, I mean hate, and have to force myself to get in. I make sure I have 3 a week but get washed every morning.

If I could afford it, I would go to the hairdressers every week for a wash and blow dry.

To be honest I just don't like the sensation of being in water.

I worked in a school and by year 4 some of the children needed deodorant after PE as they smelled very sweaty. They are 8/9 years old. Fortunately a lot were peer led and started bringing roll on or stick deodorants in as it seemed very grown up. It also saw a transition from vests in year 3 to crop tops in year 4. We have at least 1 or 2 children start their periods in year 4 too. Sanitary bins were in place in year 4 toilets and upwards.

She needs to wash her pits with bar soap. He needs to talk to her or you do. From a school point of view it doesn't look great if a child repeatedly comes in with greasy hair and smells, it looks like poor parenting.

Then she has to get in the shower and prove she can do it herself. If it's not done, then it's washed by an adult over the sink with a towel round the neck, and she has set hair washing days. It is not optional.

In my experience you will need to be strict on this on a daily basis for a few weeks until the habits are in place.

She needs to be washing her pits properly with soap (not shower gel). I drummed this into my son as he still stank after coming out of the shower (and he was only 10). He’s got into the routine now after many times of me saying “in the shower and do a double pit wash!” - then deodorant on straight away. He needs to insist on her showering and washing properly - unless he wants his daughter to be the smelly child that no one wants to be friends with.

If she’s showering most days, even if she’s not washing everywhere as thoroughly as you think (although I’m not sure how you know this? 🤔), then she shouldn’t smell. What kind of smell is it? Could it be her clothes? Food smells on her? Cigarette smoke lingering on her?