To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

Please point specifically to the misogynistic statements on this thread.

If she makes claims about this man that cause him reputational harm that she cannot prove she can be sued for defamation and libel.

Stating facts is not misogynistic. Giving her dangerous advice is, however, dangerous.

She MUST HAVE PROOF BEFORE she makes any report or she puts herself in a vulnerable position. It doesn't matter how much you wish that was not true. It's just a fact.

Comedy shows are not for the faint hearted. Appreciate you felt upset but this is what happens at shows & there is nothing they are going to do if you complain

I was at a works do many years ago, the comedian was vile, most people,were laughing like drains, but I'mmnot going to sit and listen to this so I got up and started to walk out. I had my hand up to my face, pushing my hair back, and he shouted 'stop picking your nose, love'. I was a lot younger then, and embarrassed, so I empathise with you, it was a lot worse than what he said to me.
But it's too late now to complain I think. People will have forgotten. But as a Pp said, you could write a scathing review on social media. I hate these sort of 'comedians' whose comedy is so poor they use rely on filth and humiliating people. 💐💐💐

@Redspottyfrog you didn't overreact at all. And your colleagues should have walked out with you the fuckers.
I agree with writing a review. You can always be anonymous.

It should be illegal to discuss your breasts like that as he sexually harassed you imo.
Name and shame on here.

You're not unreasonable at all. I'm sorry this happened, I can only imagine how humiliating it felt in a room full of people.

There's a real influx of misogynists posting on Mumsnet at the moment. It's just another way to attempt to silence women for speaking freely amongst themselves in the only place in the world that lets us do this.

Isn't it amazing how misogyny is the prejudice that is so deeply interwoven into our society we're still not allowed to see it? Can you imagine a comedian getting away with outright racism, homophobia or ableism in 2019? Thankfully, I can't. But there's no reason to accept misogyny either.

There's no reason not to report.
Contact the hotel, leave a review, but focus on your old work. My work would have taken swift and brutal action if this had happened to us. Yours let you down massively, no wonder you needed to leave.

Please do some research before you give dangerous advice.

There is absolutely NO QUESTION. She CAN be sued for libel and defamation if she makes claims about his behaviour that results in serious harm to his reputation.

Fact.

She does NOT need to reach a wide audience, a small audience is sufficient for her to be sued for libel and defamation if she makes claims about his behaviour that results in serious harm to his reputation.

These are FACTS and CANNOT be denied.

Serious harm" threshold:
Under the Defamation Act 2013, a claimant must demonstrate that the published statement caused or is likely to cause serious harm to their reputation to bring a libel claim.

Fact-based assessment:
Courts will consider the actual impact of the statement based on the facts, including the nature of the statement, the audience reached, and the claimant's situation, not just the inherent meaning of the words.

Financial loss for businesses:
For businesses, "serious harm" is usually interpreted as significant financial loss caused by the defamatory statement.

So she could potentially be sued by the business as well as by the comedian if she causes serious harm to their reputation resulting in loss of income.

Therefore unless she has proof it is dangerous to tell her to make claims about his behaviour that can result in reputational harm to him.

These are FACTS.

Truth is a defence against libel. But she MUST BE ABLE TO PROVE IT.

It simply doesn't matter that he is a pig. She needs to be able to prove it.

It is DANGEROUS to tell her make defamatory statements about this man unless she has proof.

Ahh the type of comedian (I'll use that term loosely here) that thinks being "funny" is making sexually inappropriate comments.

OP I'm not surprised it upset you, I think if he's still working at the hotel it's worth leaving reviews on Google/TA etc for people to read, I certainly wouldn't go to see him knowing that was his idea of comedy.

I think this is a good idea

What a twat. On the one hand I can see that you might want him to be reprimanded or lose his job. But in the other hand, at least you can take comfort in the fact that 6 years later the height of his career accomplishment is STILL being compare at a shit hotel in Blackpool. Sounds like the rest of the world has already seen him for the crap comedian that he is.

I would think about commenting on the hotels social media and going to your local paper

This is sexual harassment OP. If someone did this in the workplace they would be sacked. I can't believe the lack of support you are getting from other women! Beggars belief. I would complain to the hotel and tell them the effect it has had on you years down the line. The man needs to be stopped!!

No you haven’t overreacted.

For anyone asking what he did wrong, it’s called sexual harassment. My workplace insists that every employee take a mandatory course to understand what it is, to be able to protect ourselves and our colleagues. Staring and sexual comments are both listed in the training, using fair milder examples than this one.

Definition copied from the dictionary:

1. behaviour characterised by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation.

Empower yourself to do something, so that even if you get ignored, you know you’ve stood up for yourself and any other women that may be at the receiving end of this treatment.

1. Make a formal complaint to the hotel, similar to your post here, that states the facts of what happened, what he called you for walking out and your reaction. Use the words sexual harassment when submitting the complaint
2. Contact the comedian mention that what he did during his act is sexual harassment, how you felt being treated that way and that you hope he drops it from his routine and doesn’t single women out in future to comment on their bodies.
3. Keep all conversations as factual as possible, because it’s harder to argue with facts over feelings

Your reaction was understandable and you don’t have to put up with it.

It’s called sexual harassment

I don't think OP said he was on TV. If she did I missed it.
I agree if he was a TV comedian it would be worth reporting.
For a two-bit hotel comedian I don't think anything is likely to happen, but she could do it for her peace of mind.

https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2021/feb/22/people-think-its-some-weird-rite-of-passage-sexual-harassment-in-comedy?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

I think this is a humiliating thing to have happened to you and is not acceptable in any way. However, I think it’ll be tough to raise now.

I think your best approach would have been putting in a complaint to your workplace at the time who had a duty of care. They could then have raised the complaint with the hotel as the booker.

I don’t think it’s right the comedian gets away with this - it’s not funny and it is dangerous in that it is saying that men can behave this way in public and have others laugh along. But I think you may cause yourself more stress by pursuing this.

If this guy is still getting practising this “humour”, it won’t be for long. No workplace nowadays could risk taking staff to an event where colleagues are asked to look at the size of their colleague’s breasts. So take comfort in the fact that this comedian’s days are numbered and find a way to let it go.

Write that letter or review. Not acceptable - never was, let it never be. So sorry that happened to you, humiliating and scary in a room full of no doubt drunk eejits. If he has changed, he has a right of reply to apologise to you and say he has changed his act. If no one ever challenges this, he and his audience continue to think it is acceptable. You are doing this for other women as much as yourself. If it is stressful to you, then you owe no one anything. But if it is bothering you - you are well within your rights and 6 years (given Covid) isn't all that long ago.

You're not being unreasonable to feel this way - what happened to you was vile and humiliating. You're obviously still very much affected by it.

Why not write to him / the hotel expressing your feelings. You may get an apology or they may simply ignore you. But it might help you feel better to get it out there?

And for those saying it was lawful to sexually harass women in one’s workplace 6 years ago, as some argued in response to the Greg Wallace allegations.

No it was not. The first sexual harassment case was mid 1980s. The Equality Act 2010 made rights much clearer.

No its not "par for the course" for one member of staff to sexually harrass and humiliate another member of staff. Nor was it acceptable for a group of male guests to join in and gang up on her.

Its harrassment and bullying and the fact that so many on this thread are defending him tells you exactly why women don't come forward and are still putting up with this shit.

Is he still on TV OP?

I would contact the hotel and the TV production companies that employ him and tell your story and make a complaint.

I bet that once this is out more women will come out with similar complaints...

Or you could use social media to tell your story or contact a newspaper.

I am appalled by the people on this thread who still don't understand that making sexual comments like that is harassment and that no woman should have to be humiliated and sexualised in public in this way.

To people who are asking 'why report it now?'. I would say that is obvious. More famous men are being exposed as perverts and women are finally being believed.

Tell your story and expose yet another creep.

I had a friend (he's now deceased) who was a stand up comedian on the WMC type circuit in the 70's. He used to tell me some of his 'routines' and I was horrified, truly appalled. He'd say things like 'have the lights gone out?' if a larger lady (or man, he was an equal-opportunities insulter) walked past. I told him that it hadn't been appropriate, even back then, but he seemed to think that as long as it got a laugh it was all right. It's all about the laughs from the audience.

If people are laughing, they keep telling the 'jokes'. I understand how hurt and humiliated you feel, OP. but maybe the question should be raised as to why everyone was going along with finding it 'funny'. Hopefully society is changing, but it won't change quickly.

OP, you did not over react and there was absolutely nothing flattering about that sort of sexist fuckwittery.

The problem now is that if you write to the hotel I suspect they will send a bland non-apology , and if you leave a Tripadvisor review you might get come back that is also shit.

But. You were treated horribly. Disgusting behaviour.

You are the winner over these revolting little pricks of male comedians though: you have a wonderful DH.

I bet he still does it now, and if you say something others will come foreward. I used to waitress at two posh hotels in Brighton in the nineties and the number if men who felt my breasts, put their hands up my skirt etc are huge. Some so called celebs and some middle-aged men ( I was a teenager) on rugby clubs does, Lodge dinners or company retreats. If their wives knew what they were like there would be trouble.

It's shit OP. I volunteer for a charity now and attend these dinners as a fundraiser and it could be my age, or it could be that men have got better as it doesn't happen anymore. We have several beautiful young ladies and I always ask if there has been any trouble and so far so good. Same hotels too.

So the likes of Saville et al should have been left to continue their celeb lives because their victims did not feel able to speak up at the time?

The point is not that the OP is likely to get anything significant in redress but

• there may be many other complaints of this type, all being told "it was only words" and "it was years ago"
• lower level sexual harrassment and abuse victims can be part of an escalating story leading to even more serious crimes
• it gives the hotel an opportunity to provide guidance and support for if this is still happening and reminds them of their duty of care

I would write a non emotive and fact based account and send it to the hotel management (or the chain management if applicable), pointing out the distress, embarrassment and consequential leaving the job. This was way beyond the drunk customer in the bar who gets arsey.

I would ask them what reporting processes are avaialble to current staff now and how they supervise the behaviour of their entertainment employees.