To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

This poster again, this time telling someone not to complain about misogyny.

Threatening people with defamation suits is part of the bad-faith playbook.

Public sexual harassment is illegal.

“Public sex-based harassment is generally understood to involve unwelcome and unwanted behaviour directed at a person in a public space, such as on the street, on public transport, in a gym, or at a hospitality venue, because of that person’s sex”.

www.sarsas.org.uk/protection-from-sex-based-harassment-in-public-act-2023-what-does-it-hope-to-achieve

Can't believe these replies. That sounds flipping awful. I would be tempted to email the Daily Mail if you think you could cope with the social media flack (the comments on social media are normally awful).. I think your old colleagues and company sound horrendous.

I think you handled it as best you could have done under the circumstances. If it was a work do organised by your employer, I think it was inappropriate and your colleagues and management behaved very badly (and needless to say the ‘entertainment’ was pathetic). I personally wouldn’t complain now but I do think you might reflect positively on how well you maintained your boundaries as best you could when you were placed in such a shit situation (both on the spot and afterwards at work).

I find it helpful to think about what (if anything) I’d do differently if a similar thing were to happen again. I’m not sure there is much you could have done differently as it doesn’t sound like complaining to the venue or your employers would have brought you much except further insult and ridicule. The fact that you chose to walk away from both shows principles, self respect and strength.

@Dotjones "It was a comedian doing a comedy show. It sounds like a lot of people found it hilarious. That's the thing with comedy, what someone finds distasteful and upsetting will have someone else in stitches"

Have you missed the fact that the OP was an unwilling active participant in the "comedy"? It wasn't a routine that people sat and watched and might either like or dislike. It was sexual bullying. Posters should stop minimising @Redspottyfrog's her experience.

WTF? She ruined his show because he couldn't help himself from picking on a random woman for no reason?

And just to help you out, because you don't appear to be very smart - OP did not state anywhere that she knew what this comedian was like beforehand.

Yes, i would report it to the hotel. He shouldn't be able to live Scott free while you're still having nightmares. Even if it doesn't come to anything, I think it will be good for you to know you took some action. He sounds like a piece of shit.

I think you should do something about this as it will help to give you closure, and perhaps prevent the 'idiot' comedian doing it again. You expressed what happened so well here, why not send this to the hotel and/or the idiot who did it too. He ought to be made to see how this makes people feel. Just because it isn't a police matter doesn't mean nothing can be done.

"the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money) "
You walked out then and there. You also stopped working with those people. You have already done more than most of us would. Good for you.

At this stage I would leave a short negative review on Tripadvisor/ hotel website, and I would email the hotel to say, as this person is still working there, you felt they need to be made aware.

I think the pp saying to contact your old work place, as it happened on a work trip, has a very good point - but if your colleagues (and manager, I imagine) weren't supportive at the time, not sure anything positive will happen. May be leave a review for the company on Google to say it's not a nice place to work at (if that's true).

Your anger should be directed at your former employer. It was a "works do" therefore they have a duty of care to protect you from harassment.

It was a comedian doing a comedy show. It sounds like a lot of people found it hilarious. That's the thing with comedy, what someone finds distasteful and upsetting will have someone else in stitches. I mean, I find Mrs Brown's Boys upsetting and distasteful, but presumably someone must like it because it wouldn't keep getting broadcast.

Generally if you go to a comedy show you should familiarise yourself with the comedian's material beforehand so you know whether you are likely to be offended or not. And at least know whether to avoid sitting in the front few rows.

You absolutely should not have been flattered OP. What a misogynistic twat he is OP. I hate that kind of so-called “comedy” where they take the piss out of people. Basically they have no talent and just punch down. Look at his career - still working in the same crummy hotel after all those years.

If I were you I’d leave terrible reviews - both for him and the hotel.

How much compo do you need?

She'd end up like the one Peter Kay kicked out of his gig and called Lisa Riley.. Hounded.

No as he would probably use it as material on his act

But you knew what this comedian was like and you still went to his show.You burst his bubble and spoilt his act by getting up and walking out . Job done .

You didn't overreact - that's really horrible, and the way you fee, and felt, is completely valid.

I think a complaint at this point wouldn't be helpful, but I'd go full bore on all the review sites, and on every social media platform you have - make new accounts if you need to. Tag him and the hotel. Bad publicity is the way to have an impact, and he to feel the impact.

It's grim and classless, and if you are still thinking about it then it's had an awful impact, I can't see anything happening though, I doubt he's broken a law and there is probably something in the small print that they will joke about members of the audience. It's hard to get a conviction on historic rape, I just can't see this going anywhere, it may give you closure, but it may make things worse if you don't achieve anything in your complaint.

I am so sorry you experienced this @Redspottyfrog . To be frank it sounds horrible. This is not acceptable behaviour. Your reaction is understandable.

As this was a works do your employer should have some responsibility, especially as it sounds like colleagues joined in. Please make a complaint. If you choose to leave the company due to this, isn’t that constructive dismissal (or something like that??)

I’m shocked there are people on here that are suggesting this is OK. In the last couple of months there have been some horrible comments on threads which sound like they come from a bunch of those men who blame their single dim on women. So take no notice of the horrible comments.

Edit: missed the bit this was 6 yrs ago.

You absolutely did not overreact! It’s completely understandable that you felt degraded and embarrassed. What this loser said was completely wrong and in no way counts as “humour”. Maybe there’s not much that can be done now but don’t doubt yourself or undermine your own feelings.

That kind of 'comedy' is utterly rank and the comedian is a total prick. YANBU to have been disgusted/upset.

However, generally when people go to see that kind of show, they know the kind of thing they're going to see. The issue here is more that your employer thought that kind of show was appropriate for a works do.

I don't think complaining to the hotel is going to achieve anything now. It was six years ago, and also, the hotel knows full well what that comedian's act is like because they repeatedly book him.

I absolutely detest that type of humour. Not just against women but mocking anyone for body parts or facial features that they can’t change. It’s basically sanctioned bullying and/or sexual harassment. Some comedians can interact really brilliantly with audience members, taking the piss out of them, without resorting to mocking their physical appearance.

I honestly thought society had moved on from this kind of lazy, bullying, sexist, puerile comedy. He sounds like some unfunny, unreconstituted relic from the 1970’s. I would definitely consider writing to both the hotel and to the comedian. Once you write something down formally, you will put the ball in their court. Even if they don’t have the grace to respond, at least you will have demonstrated that this type of ‘comedy’ is not benign and can have a lasting impact on its target.

i really am so sorry this happened to you. I have had similar comments made about my breasts (in my case the absence of any.) They were not made by a comedian on a stage, but by men in social groups I was part of. They were said loudly and were supposed to be funny and I was supposed to laugh too. I didn’t. Not one of my friends stood up for me. People can be utter utter shits.

Noo definitely don't do this! Can you imagine?!

Do you understand how evidence works though? She was there. Her own statement has evidential value. As does that of her husband regarding how she was affected. I accept that it is open to challenge under cross-examination and is not as good as a video of the comments being made but it is wrong to say that there is no evidence at all.

Also he’d have to be prepared to lie on oath if he wanted to deny it.

Even if she understandably wasn’t able to get a former colleague to step up and corroborate her account, I’d lay a bet on it being possible to summons someone who works at the hotel who would then be questioned about this man’s usual “patter”.

Look, I’m not saying that it’s a good idea to take this any further. But I just wanted to clarify that in a “my word against his” situation it is wrong to say that your word is not evidence that could be sufficient to meet the civil burden of proof if a judge finds you credible.

To add, I don't think your colleagues will have necessarily forgotten this. 6 years ago is not a long time. A whole room full of people witnessed this.

I can still remember interactions various friends have had with stand up comics over the years because those points are often the highly charged, unpredictable parts of the set. That nervous feeling of whether the friend or comic is going to flounder. Exactly the kind of scenario that gets cemented in memory when the rest of the night doesn't.

Had I witnessed something so horrific there's absolutely no doubt at all I'd still remember.

She is receiving sympathy and support from all women here, including me. Some of us are just using facts and not encouraging her to do something that could cause her damage and harm.

Doubt it would make any difference to him. In fact, he would probably add it to his 'act'