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Original poster

To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

388 replies

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:40

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

OP posts:
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Clarice99 · 14/02/2025 12:28

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 05:20

I would not contact the police it would be the hotel. It’s ok I won’t bother I obviously overreacted. Maybe I should have even been flattered.

You didn't overreact, nor should you have been flattered. The actions of this sexist, misogynistic pig were not flattering in the slightest and it must've been so humiliating and degrading for you to be subjected to that.

Unfortunately, you want to 'react' six years later and it'll be hard to prove, which won't help you move on. The witnesses, your colleagues all found it funny which says a lot about the kind of people they are, so it's unlikely they're going to be positive witnesses for you. But, having said that, you have nothing to lose by complaining to the hotel management about him. It may even prove cathartic getting it all out in a complaint. And you never know, the hotel management may have had other complaints as I bet you're not the only woman he's done this to 😡

ginasevern · 14/02/2025 12:28

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 12:18

Yes and to be fair they have to hang out with some bloody awful men.

That said sexually harassing arseholes are to be found in all strata of society.

Show quote history

That's very true. Women from less educated backgrounds are going to, generally, be with men of a similar demographic. So the trope is reinforced and perpetuated in their worlds and for subsequent generations. It's also true that there are sexually harrassing male creeps at all levels of society. However, better educated women are far less likely to just accept it, let alone find them funny.

Emonade · 14/02/2025 12:20

Dotjones · 14/02/2025 10:05

Your anger should be directed at your former employer. It was a "works do" therefore they have a duty of care to protect you from harassment.

It was a comedian doing a comedy show. It sounds like a lot of people found it hilarious. That's the thing with comedy, what someone finds distasteful and upsetting will have someone else in stitches. I mean, I find Mrs Brown's Boys upsetting and distasteful, but presumably someone must like it because it wouldn't keep getting broadcast.

Generally if you go to a comedy show you should familiarise yourself with the comedian's material beforehand so you know whether you are likely to be offended or not. And at least know whether to avoid sitting in the front few rows.

Are you serious! It was sexual harassment not a mainstream bbc comedy 😂 not the same thing!!

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 12:18

ginasevern · 14/02/2025 12:09

Women, particularly those from lower educated backgrounds, have been conditioned to believe this is OK. Would they like to see their daughters sexually harrassed in this way, for the benefit of a room full of men to find "hiliarious" and get a cheap thrill leching at their daughter's tits? I guess they probably would - sigh.

Yes and to be fair they have to hang out with some bloody awful men.

That said sexually harassing arseholes are to be found in all strata of society.

GreyAreas · 14/02/2025 12:11

Write down in a letter to him and his management how it made you feel. Write it raw with anger, sadness, shame. Tell them what you lost because of his actions.
Imagine them reading it in the current climate of court cases and imagine them trying to laugh it off, then feeling a creeping feeling of fear and anxiety, thinking about all the worst things they have done over the years and them realising that their victims have power and a voice.
Then decide if you want to send it. Either is ok.

ginasevern · 14/02/2025 12:09

Women, particularly those from lower educated backgrounds, have been conditioned to believe this is OK. Would they like to see their daughters sexually harrassed in this way, for the benefit of a room full of men to find "hiliarious" and get a cheap thrill leching at their daughter's tits? I guess they probably would - sigh.

Fedupofthepoo · 14/02/2025 11:56

I'd report him to the police for sexual harassment, and let the hotel know you've done so.

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 11:50

AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:19

It's almost like there are a bunch of men with classic right wing views rather than gender critical feminists on here.

Show quote history

Right.

AIBU has always been favoured by the more tabloid-reading crowd.

ginasevern · 14/02/2025 11:50

This is how men still manage to denegrate women and stay in control, under the banner of humour or that old chestnut "banter". Getting three men up on the stage to "check you out"? For fuck sake. Any woman who doesn't laugh along with these vile dinosaurs is, even in this day and age, branded as frigid or a lesbian or probably going through the change. It makes me want to puke. I'm so sorry you were verbally assaulted (because that's what it was) and humiliated in this way OP.

StandFirm · 14/02/2025 11:49

If you're still upset about it - and he sounds like a little shit of a bully to be honest- the best thing is to leave a scathing review. Not emotional; just rip him up. Describe what he did factually as a warning to other women. Don't mention it was six years ago. He did it and that's enough.

cakeorwine · 14/02/2025 11:45

AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:19

It's almost like there are a bunch of men with classic right wing views rather than gender critical feminists on here.

Show quote history

I wonder what the reaction would be if a comedian picked on a trans person in the audience?

Both the reaction in the audience and if that person had commented on here?

SnoopysHoose · 14/02/2025 11:37

6 years ago?
Part and parcel of many comedy shows that they heckle the audience, you got up and left, it was done when you left, I'd be asking why you're still dwelling on this.

Krumblina · 14/02/2025 11:35

Who is it?

Cotonsugar · 14/02/2025 11:34

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 05:20

I would not contact the police it would be the hotel. It’s ok I won’t bother I obviously overreacted. Maybe I should have even been flattered.

You didn’t overreact at all. He made you feel humiliated and embarrassed. I would have felt the same and wanted to escape. As others have said, reporting him probably wouldn’t do anything and might make you feel worse with all the investigations (if any). I would go for some counselling if possible to see if a therapist could help you move on and not have any more bad dreams and thoughts about it. This type of “humour” was common in the 1970s/80s. Unbelievable that picking on women’s bodies was thought to be so funny. Wonder how he would have liked it if a woman had started shaming him about his body parts🙄

nwsw · 14/02/2025 11:21

I'd leave a review detailing what he did to you and how it made you feel.

AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:19

hydriotaphia · 14/02/2025 11:14

And yes, I agree that there is a weird amount of people justifying and minimising this. And yes, this does cast the outrage about trans people on this site in a new light (maybe not everyone is actually so bothered about women's rights after all).

It's almost like there are a bunch of men with classic right wing views rather than gender critical feminists on here.

ThinWomansBrain · 14/02/2025 11:19

what do you hope to gain from reporting it?
It was unpleasant, poor that none of your colleagues followed up to see if you were OK
But it was witnessed by a theatre full of people, p including hotel staff and probably management on occasion. presumably it wasn't the guys first gig, and he has been doing it for six years since - he sounds too tedious to have varied his act a great deal, so reporting what was in his act six years ago is not going to be news to anybody, and I'd guess that a lot of the audience are repeat customers.

the best you can do is add to the reviews on the site - but with your opinion.

AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:17

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Are you OK, mate?

thesoundofmucas · 14/02/2025 11:15

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hydriotaphia · 14/02/2025 11:14

And yes, I agree that there is a weird amount of people justifying and minimising this. And yes, this does cast the outrage about trans people on this site in a new light (maybe not everyone is actually so bothered about women's rights after all).

maybemrt · 14/02/2025 11:13

It's worth reporting people who don't seem to be genuine posters.

hydriotaphia · 14/02/2025 11:13

You would be perfectly justified in complaining to the hotel and airing the complaint publicly (even if you don't attach your name to it). I don't think the passage of time makes a difference. If he's done it to you he will have done it to others. I am so sorry for your experience.

Househunter2025 · 14/02/2025 11:12

Really shocked at how many people think this is fine... Are these the same people who are all for women's safety spaces away from trans people? Because if any of you do think this comedian is fine I think you need to have a good think about your motivations.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 14/02/2025 11:10

No, it wasn’t flattering. It was insulting and you know that it would be flattering if it made you feel good. It didn’t. He’s done the same joke over and over. I bet someone else might have a number to ring but I would ring up one of the women’s abuse lines and get some advice I think talking through it will help you deciding which route you want to take.