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Original poster

To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

388 replies

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:40

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
NiftyKoala · 14/02/2025 17:16

Who would you report him to and for what?

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 17:15

Notimeforaname · 14/02/2025 17:04

No, it's not illegal to make rude jokes or poke fun, especially at a comedy gig.

This wasn’t fun it was just sexual harassment.

Notimeforaname · 14/02/2025 17:04

No, it's not illegal to make rude jokes or poke fun, especially at a comedy gig.

Naunet · 14/02/2025 16:55

Tricho · 14/02/2025 15:46

Yes. Ring 999 right now.

🙄

Stop being dramatic, op has made no suggestion she wants to report this to the police. I hope you've never expected any kindness when or if you ever get publicly humiliated.

OP he was a cunt, its bullying, but I do think it should have been mentioned at the time or short afterwards (although i understans why you didnt). A review now though couldn't hurt.

OuterSpaceCadet · 14/02/2025 16:53

Misogynists target Mumsnet in lots of ways. Doxxing, vexatious reporting, child abuse images, AI images of injuries. This is just another way.

Women speaking to each other freely is threatening to those who wish to keep us as an underclass.

TieredCafe · 14/02/2025 16:48

AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:07

The incels seem to be out today.

I am shocked. When I read the OP, it was a black-and-white one for me. The comedian was disgusting and he should be shamed. I don’t care if it was six years ago or 60. My mind was blown when I saw so many responses telling her to ignore it.

What hope do we have? And if any of these posters are parents, shame on them. They will be passing on these abhorrent views to their sons and daughter.

TieredCafe · 14/02/2025 16:41

I can’t believe so many people have been dismissive.

At the very least you should put something on social media about him. How awful for you and I am sorry this happened.

Redpeach · 14/02/2025 16:37

Cant you give us a clue who it is?

Abitlosttoday · 14/02/2025 16:33

Justsayit123 · 14/02/2025 05:13

What about writing to the comedian and tell him what he did, how your felt and the impact, it left job etc. hopefully he will feel bad for being a prick. I don’t think there’s any value in contacting the police as it was so long ago.

This is a good idea. Copy in his employer.

VeryDeepEverything · 14/02/2025 16:26

Tricho · 14/02/2025 15:46

Yes. Ring 999 right now.

🙄

Which is nothing close to what op is saying, so is just you stopping by to offer some disdain. 👍

Tricho · 14/02/2025 15:46

Yes. Ring 999 right now.

🙄

2JFDIYOLO · 14/02/2025 15:45

Hotel reviews do get noted - leave reviews of the venue on Tripadvisor etc, saying what happened, that the hotel hosted a misogynistic bully of a 'comedian'

FriendlyEeyore · 14/02/2025 13:48

cakeorwine · 14/02/2025 11:45

I wonder what the reaction would be if a comedian picked on a trans person in the audience?

Both the reaction in the audience and if that person had commented on here?

Show quote history

Imagine the reaction here if the comedian had been trans?

HarrietMartineau · 14/02/2025 13:37

Now I am hazarding a guess here that this took place in Blackpool. I had a quick google and came across a review of a hotel where in 2016 a guest left a Trip Advisor comment about two comedians being racist and homophobic.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 14/02/2025 13:35

I know it's not the same thing but a comedian on the street that had attracted a large crowd ripped the piss out of me once, I wasn't even in the crowd i was walking past. He said something about my appearance in particular my clothing that was offensive and everyone stared and laughed, I was so embarrassed. It made me incredibly self conscious and I still remember my cheeks burning and wanting to cry, that was about 20 years ago. What you describe OP is so humiliating, I'm not surprised it still lingers.

Finallybackinbootcuts · 14/02/2025 13:35

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 05:20

I would not contact the police it would be the hotel. It’s ok I won’t bother I obviously overreacted. Maybe I should have even been flattered.

Oh ignore the silly responses from the “I don’t understaaaaand what the problem is” brigade.
Of course what he did wasn’t acceptable.

That said it’s probably too late to do anything about it now. Try and put it behind you.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 14/02/2025 13:28

You have the power to out him right here and now OP. Just say who he is and the name of the hotel.

What a horrible experience.

YankSplaining · 14/02/2025 13:28

If he’d said something gross to you privately, I would tell you to report it, but seeing as a whole room full of people heard him, the hotel management presumably knows he’s like this. And they already know you weren’t happy about it because you left. Apparently, they didn’t care.

I’d leave detailed bad reviews for the comedian wherever possible, because that’s more likely to have an impact than telling the hotel management what they already know - that he made those comments and you were (rightfully) offended.

HarrietMartineau · 14/02/2025 13:21

ginasevern · 14/02/2025 12:09

Women, particularly those from lower educated backgrounds, have been conditioned to believe this is OK. Would they like to see their daughters sexually harrassed in this way, for the benefit of a room full of men to find "hiliarious" and get a cheap thrill leching at their daughter's tits? I guess they probably would - sigh.

I know what you mean. This is not as bad as what happened to the OP but it's akin to it. A few years ago (before lockdown, so about the same time as this event the OP talks about) I was out with friends and went to the bar. There was a Macmillan cake sale on and I was looking at some of the cakes to buy and remarked on the muffins. There were two 50-something men with their wives nearby and one of them said that he liked the look of my friend's muffins all the while staring at her tits and looking like that leery Les Dawson character. Neither of the women batted an eyelid - had it been my husband, some very strong words would have been had. I was ashamed for all of them that they're like that. We mentioned it to the waitress and she just said "oh that's John we all know he's an arsole". So he was probably in the pub making inappropriate comments to women all the time and if that's what he said in front of his wife, God knows what he said when it was just the "lads" and their "bantz". Hate hate hate guys like that.

SlashingRedRibbons · 14/02/2025 12:57

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Cotonsugar · 14/02/2025 12:46

CurlewKate · 14/02/2025 12:38

@Cotonsugar "This type of “humour” was common in the 1970s/80s. Unbelievable that picking on women’s bodies was thought to be so funny."

For you-and the many on here who appear to have difficulty with reading, comprehension and mathematics-this incident happened in 2019.

I understood, thank you. I was just saying what was common back then. Unbelievable that it still happens and people accept it😐

NewMe2024 · 14/02/2025 12:40

You didn’t overreact OP, you actually handled it well by walking out, and it’s no surprise that the horrible experience stayed with you. I wouldn’t complain now because too much time has passed and I don’t think the hotel would take any action. It’s nice to think that he would feel bad if he knew that he’d upset you, but based on this story I doubt that he would - he might even get a kick out of it given he’s clearly a pig. Hold your head high and know that you stood up for yourself well.

PS your previous coworkers sound like dicks as well. As long as it wasn’t a valuable job then sounds like it was also a good decision to move on from that.

CurlewKate · 14/02/2025 12:38

@Cotonsugar "This type of “humour” was common in the 1970s/80s. Unbelievable that picking on women’s bodies was thought to be so funny."

For you-and the many on here who appear to have difficulty with reading, comprehension and mathematics-this incident happened in 2019.

DeepFatFried · 14/02/2025 12:33

@Redspottyfrog I hope you have returned to the thread and seen the many posts re-assuring you that you did NOT over react and that the comedian's behaviour is insulting and humiliating - not flattering!

dayoffvibes · 14/02/2025 12:32

You did't overreact at all. What happened was horrific and horrible, and compounded by your colleague's responses to you. I think the reason this is still eating you up is because inside yourself you feel you ought to have protected yourself on the night and you didn't. Perhaps a part of you has been feeling voiceless and really wants to change into becoming more assertive and able to have your own back? This feeling reminds you of that night.

Maybe try doing some reading about finding your voice, feeling confident to speak up when something makes you uncomfortable or when people bully you (which is what the colleagues and the comedian did). I don't know if there's a backstory in your life about where your traits have come from but it might be worth exploring either by yourself through reading and mediation or through a short course of counselling?