To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

Even in the UK, it's not yet illegal to tell sexist jokes.

Was it a drag act?

Gumbo if it’s not too outing, was it Sarah Millican?

I’m so sorry this happened to you. So traumatic. And you are quite right that this horrible misogynist is still poking fun at women for cheap laughs. Leave an absolute stinker of a review for the hotel for employing him. And then get therapy. You can’t change the world but you can try to process the trauma it causes.

To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

It's right there in the OPs title.

How long ago was this op, it feels like quite some time the way it’s written.

you can’t complain in retrospect, and likely all they would do is tell him to tone it down. If anything.

it does sound deeply embarrassing to be picked on like that. I was at a comedians once when the comedian took the piss out my friend for being fat. It was a female comedian too. Everyone in the crowd laughed, and I could see she was upset by it, but gritted her teeth till she stopped. I was quite shocked to be honest. I don’t think anyone considered complaining. She was going on about the fat woman who would rather be eating biscuits.

i am not sure it is in the same bracket as sexually harassing colleagues at work, which is what the male celebs issue is really at its core, the power imbalance.but it is horrible when picked on.

Please don’t say you’re overreacting - you’re not.

I am sorry that happened to you, OP. It is vile and just awful. I am sorry that it has had such an impact on you that it’s still milling around in your head six years down the line.

Unfortunately I do think it’s a little late to act on it now, it’s a shame to say that lots of women will have similar stories thanks to creepy, disgusting, sickening men.

Try to move on, and hey, he’ll be dead one day. 🤷‍♀️😂

xx

Yes, I'd do this too. I'd also leave a shitty review for tvd hotel, since they're employing this creep.

I’m sorry op. The man was obviously a total twat and you did the right thing leaving. And no, of course you shouldn’t be “flattered”! Some random moron publicly discussing the size of your breasts is in no way flattering.
He obviously has the emotional intelligence of a tic tac, so I’m not sure if you complained to him you would get any kind of apology. I would name and shame him though, publicly. Outing him as a misogynistic prick might make you feel better and stop people going to see him.

Absolutely!

The more I think about this the more I feel passionate that this needs addressing. You will feel better for it. The hotel will be more than aware of his nastiness (dressed up as stand up) you don't need 'proof'.

We honestly need to call this bs out EVERY time and even years later.

Can you name and shame and put what you have posted online? Agree do it on the reviews of everywhere he performs over and over again. He will hate that.

Good you walked out x

I would make a complaint. Perhaps nothing will be done. Perhaps his routine has changed with the times. But what he said was not ok and it is a good idea to make that known. It was not ok for him to speak to you like that and it is ok for you to tell him so.

It may make you feel better for having stood up for yourself as well.

He was a crude comedian who made you feel uncomfortable /degraded but didn't technically break the law.

The stuff coming out about men in the public eye is rape/assault /inappropriate behaviour in the workplace. Although it was a work event it was in a social setting and the comedian wasn't a colleague.

If your colleague had done this you would report to hr and you could have possibly reported the people who mocked you after the event.

I'm not sure there's much you could do now, it's highly unlikely the comedian behaves that way on stage now as he wouldn't get away with it.

But that's not to take away it was a horrible experience that left you feeling violated.

I absolutely 100% completely disagree with the people saying 'get over it' or 'there's no proof'. It doesnt sound like you've overreacted at all to me.

Absolutely speak up, it sounds like it still bothers you that you didn't so go for it!

You can word it any way you like - that you know there's nothing they can do but there's an incident that happened at their hotel that is still impacting you 6 years later and you felt like you wanted to message them about it.

Really surprised by these comments (admittedly only read first twenty ish), I'd absolutely write to the hotel. It might force a discussion with this man to prevent such a nasty occurrence again. You're not trying to have him arrested for it, you don't need proof!

We need to stand up and say this is wrong and not acceptable.

I'm really sorry this happened to you OP.

What a cunt...I'm sorry you had to go through this. As a fellow big busted woman I feel your pain

I would agree that it’s difficult to report him.
But you can and certainly should complain about him. What he did was abhorrent and totally humiliating for you, verbally and publicly abusive. It is totally unacceptable.

I think you should write a detailed account of what happened six years ago, as you have done here, and how it made you feel, including having to leave your job from the spin off reaction from colleagues. Also note why you felt unable to complain at the time, fear of not being believed, just wanting to get away from the humiliation etc.

Send your written account directly to him and also to the hotel management.
Expect a sincere apology from both with assurances this sort of vile ‘comedy’ no longer happens.
If the apologies aren’t forthcoming, copy and paste your account onto a hotel review.

Well done for walking out at the time
And well done also for feeling strong enough to address this horrible man. You would be doing all women a favour. It matters not one jot if it happened six years ago, -six years worth of stress adds to your case in my view.

You don't have to report it, but you CAN talk about it. You're on an anonymous forum here. You can name the man, and if he has done similar or worse things to other women, others might well come forward. Then if enough women do that, that's when people can collectively decide if they want to take things further.

Men that do stuff like that and keep getting away with it unchallenged, tend to escalate to behaviour that is subject to prosecution.

So start talking about him and use his name. Things spread like wildfire on the internet.

I am not excusing it, but having been to hundreds of stand up shows, it is often par for the course. Especially small venues. It’s what happens. That night was your night OP. Once I was sat right in front of the mic with my DH, and he was the butt of the jokes for every comedian that night. Literally every single one. From his sexuality to the size of his penis to his bald patch. It felt endless. I think a lot of people posting on here haven’t had much experience of stand up.
Leave a really obnoxious review online about his dated and puerile humour (hello Roy Chubby Brown!) and that will in the end affect him. In fact do it multiple times over with different user names!

If he’s still there at the hotel write him a letter about that night and how awful he was, you can choose whether to write anonymously or not, send a copy to the hotel manager too,
Hopefully that will help you put it behind you and if he’s not changed his act then give him food for thought

You have not overreacted! That’s fucking disgusting and dehumanising behaviour. Just because some people laughed and found it funny and are trying to excuse this as “a laugh” it’s not. It’s gross, inappropriate and disgusting behaviour. I’m so sorry you were exposed to that. Things like this make you feel so horrible inside, like rationally you know you’ve done nothing wrong, but there’s such embarrassment and shame and feeling foolish almost that gets wrapped up with it in my opinion, and it’s a truly horrible feeling.

I don’t know if reporting it would do anything. But I would probably still do it. Things like this make us feel small, silenced, powerless. And fuck that man and all those fuckers who aligned with him! You’re not any of those things and if it feels better to speak up now, do it. It may not lead anywhere, but you can do it for you.

I don’t know if it helps at all, and this will sound left field, but I’ve found Nicole Sachs’ Journalspeak practice really helpful in helping me to process my emotions around things like this. Her podcast is mostly focused on this as a technique for helping with chronic pain and conditions (it’s called the cure for chronic pain) but honestly, the journaling technique and the self compassion that comes with it, is honestly something I think everyone could benefit from. Just mentioning incase you feel like this is something you want to explore and dig down into the emotions of, as it’s obviously still something that (understandable) still plays on your mind a lot

This! You’ve more cause of complaint against your workplace but really I think the boat has sailed 6 years on

I don’t think you overreacted then, but I think to complain 6 years on would be an overreaction.

You did not over react and the first few posts were not very supportive. I have a large chest myself and as a teenager and young woman men would comment, shout out the window at me etc. One time when I was walking home from school in a uniform! A group of men shouted ' you don't get many of them to the pound love' in front of my peers and I was teased for years. I told my mum who said that when I get older I'll be sad when men don't do that any more. Even at the time I remember thinking 'no i wont'. And I don't. I never for one second have missed groups of men leering at me. What you experiemced was not OK and not that long ago. The good news is your employer now would HAVE to take it seriously. In any case, I would write to the hotel and leave a detailed review where you can. Also you may want to think about counselling to come to terms with it.