To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

You should have complained at the time. You coukd put it on their trip advisor feedback now. No need to give details. Say offensive and sexist or something similar.

Do the online review - say he's shit and not funny at all. Write to the manager of the hotel and to him and explain the impact his misogynistic bullying has had on you.

Getting laughs at someone else's expenses is NOT funny and it certainly doesn't make him a good comedian. You won't have been the only person who he has upset by his comments and unless this is brought to light you will not be the last!

Shame on those men who joined him on stage to 'assess' your body - disgusting behaviour and I am sure they wouldn't have wanted their own partners subjected to it. In fact, shame on anyone who remained in that audience that night!

You were right to walk out and had I been there I would have followed you.

In your situation I would be writing to the hotel owner/manager and telling them what happened - if it is a big chain of hotels then take this as high as you possibly can.

His behaviour contravenes everything that Equality, Diversity and Inclusion stands for.

'Shout' as loud as you can and keeping on shouting until someone listens to you. You might also consider ensuring that your employers no longer hire that hotel for any events in the future - continuing to do so makes them complicit in my view.

I am by no means a prude but people deserve better than to be the subject of crude, vile humour for reasons of entertainment.

Please do some research before you label advice dangerous.

www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment

But does he say crude stuff about women generally or target individual women in the audience to humiliate - as with op?

Are you saying the thread is a troll post? Haven't seen any troll replies on the thread.

That sounds awful and I don't think you overreacted at all. I am stunned no one else reacted tbh.
I fear you may have missed the boat for complaining to the hotel. I think it's unlikely they would act on something that happened that long ago, or, if he's continued to do the same routine, chances are they know about this behaviour and won't do anything.
I agree with PP about writing a review though. Comment as many places as you can think of. You should be able to share publicly how he made you feel and I bet a lot of people would choose not to go see him.

Naming him on here might result in her being sued for defamation and libel, unless she has proof.

What happened was horrific but I think it's too late to complain.
What I would do is leave factual reviews everywhere you see the comedian and the hotel advertised.
You might save someone else from a horrible experience.
I think I would be more upset at my colleagues to be honest (I know you left the job) and I think I would leave a review on glassdoor so it's there as a record of how they are to work for and how you were treated.
It's not much but at least you will have a chance to tell your story.

I agree, it was absolutely never acceptable, the majority of women have always hated this sort of thing.

Agree therapy would help.

Disagree that she should do anything at all without first asking a lawyer if she could be sued for defamation or libel. The truth is an absolute defence, but if she cannot prove it and it affects his reputation or damages his ability to earn, he could sue for defamation and libel if he can prove the "serious harm" threshold.

"Under the Defamation Act 2013, a claimant must demonstrate that the published statement caused or is likely to cause serious harm to their reputation to bring a libel claim." And while audience size matters, if the audience is small but the damage is significant - eg his bosses sack him or otherwise infringe on his ability to earn money, that is enough to sue under defamation.

Should *not be

Name him. On here.

You’ll get nowhere with the authorities.

OP you have every right to be upset, that is gross. If the comedian is well known enough you could certainly try going to the press about it. You could also make a formal complaint to their agent and the hotel. In fact, do all of the above. You won’t be the only one. This type of ‘comedy’ which may have been acceptable a decade or so ago, is being called out for what it is: thinly veiled misogyny. If you search the comedian online you may find other women with similar experiences. Your workplace should not have subjected you to that and should be inviting acts who humiliate the staff under their protected characteristics. You shouldn’t have to put up with it. 💐

I would do online reviews. I don't think you can do more than that, but that's probably the best you can do and what can harm him the most

You did not overreact and you are not a prude.

You were sexually objectified and made to feel small by a horrible little man.

Your reaction and upset is entirely justified but, kindly, I would encourage you to concentrate on the things you can control.

Some grotty end-of-the-pier ‘comedian’ whose career pinnacle is a hotel cabaret is not worth your anguish.

Concentrate on how strong you are, knowing that this was wrong and understanding that humour does not come at the expense of an individual. Concentrate on how thoughtful your husband is, and how loved you are.

There’s a word for someone who belittles someone else for their own gratification - a bully.

And bullies are small, pathetic people who are quite often hiding their own inadequacies.

Think of him in that way because he holds no power over you. Your body is beautiful and his objectification doesn’t change that.

This type of behaviour has never been acceptable. It has been tolerated, but no, it has never been acceptable. Women have always been exposed to this kind of behaviour and maybe 40 years ago we'd be expected to endure it, or even treat it as flattery, but FFS, six years ago, we were well into the "me too" movement. I'm so shocked at female posters minimising the actual experience and the corporate aftermath.. Six years ago your colleagues would have been sacked for taking the matter into work after the event, if the correct channels had been pursued.

You need therapy or some self-examination to process the main reason you are still feeling bad: the pig who verbally abused you, the colleagues who allowed this to pass, the company who did not monitor and sanction their subsequent behaviour, maybe even your husband if he also tried to minimise this, or perhaps yourself for not feeling empowered and calling out the comedian. You've probably gone through a dozen alternative scenarios in your head about what could have been done differently. You need to either resolve these behaviours or accept the bits you cannot change.

I am unsure whether six years is too long ago from a legal perspective, but I think I would ask a solicitor to look into sexual harassment/hate crime/verbal abuse. Send the hotel/the comedian's agent a summary of the behaviour that night, what it lead to and the legal consequences if he repeats this behaviour. As PP have suggested, you might not even send the letter, but you may feel better knowing that it's there.

The man is a pig. I will never forget listening to the radio to that asshole Chris Moyles, about 30 years ago, telling a female caller to make a pig noise and then saying "squeal like the pig you are". That moment of horror and powerlessness has stuck with me and I was just a listener.

See if the guy has an agent or works through an agency and complain to them. Or on his social media.

Were there any warning you were going to get roasted? Some 'comedians' put this as a warning on their posters.

He hasn't committed a crime so have nothing to report but I would do a review.

I’m sorry you went through this though, but I don’t think you can do much now. Your DH sounds wonderful.

Have you seen the crude stuff Jimmy Carr says about women?
I’m afraid it’s considered acceptable in comedy.
It shouldn’t be but it is.
I boycotted a works event where he was booked as host.
Not that it made any difference to anyone.

No, that was awful and must have been so humiliating. I think it's not technically a crime though, being a twat seems to be legal.

What an awful thing to happen to you op. What a vile man. And what vile ex-workmates.
But - what a lovely husband you have to come and get you straight away. He clearly appreciated how understandably upset you were and understood why.

You're absolutely not over-reacting. It's horrible that this extremely unpleasant and humiliating event continues to play on your mind. No point in tackling the 'comedian' about it. But I would leave a review on any website he has and on the hotel's website about him being talentless, offensive and misogynistic.

These things take time to process and your timescale is personal. So please ignore comments telling you it’s too late now, or the time to do something was years ago. It’s not. It’s now. Because you’re ready now.

Start with a review of the “comedian”. This is very high impact and valuable thing to do. I wouldn’t want to go to an event like this. And I definitely wouldn’t want to be responsible for the potential fallout of organising a workshop event involving such a person.

Then consider if and how you want to address what happened in your workplace. Whether you can pursue it through legal channels is one thing, but you can still raise complaints and challenge people’s behaviour and conduct,

Have you had counselling? It might help a lot, particularly as you’re still having nightmares. And to deal with the feelings around doing nothing at the time.

You didn’t do nothing - you got up and walked out, even amid jeering and considerable social pressure to endure the humiliation. You reached out to a reliable source of help, and you got to safety. None of that was nothing.

But I also know the torturous repercussions of not having done more so please don’t think I’m trying to dismiss or belittle you. Like you I stopped my “rescuer” from scorching the earth and I wish I hadn’t, or that she (in my case) had just gone ahead anyway but she put my needs first in the moment which I’m also grateful for. But it’s an awful emotional conundrum.

wishing you well op whatever you decide to do next 💐

I think this is a good idea