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Original poster

To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

388 replies

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:40

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

OP posts:
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7
LaVieestBelleNestCePas · 14/02/2025 09:12

@Redspottyfrog I am very sorry to hear what happened to you. It was clearly sexual harassment in the workplace as it happened during a work function.
I would complain to the hotel, say what happened and the impact on you. Be as factual as you can. Thé law has now changed (or will shortly). Employers are now required to have procedures in place to protect their employees from sexual harassment by a third-party. They can be liable. If this were to happen today you could make a claim against them in the employment tribunal.
i would complain in writing.

Neemie · 14/02/2025 09:08

Oioisavaloy27 · 14/02/2025 08:56

It was 6 years ago why only now? What he said wasn't right but it's oar for the course when you go to see these comedians.

No it isn’t. Even in the 90s we would have thought he was a creepy perv who deserved taking down.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 14/02/2025 09:07

You should get a lot of women ( and maybe some men) and strap on huge boobs like the Canadian teacher. Then in the middle of his act , all stand up and jiggle about singing ‘ Who’s happy now’ ( to the tune of who’s sorry now) . Just support his ‘act’ , you know.

To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago
EdithBond · 14/02/2025 09:07

Apieceofpizza · 14/02/2025 08:58

I've had an incident with a famous comedian years ago. He was the host of a gameshow and I was one of the contestants. I got to the final, and whilst the set was being altered he was joking with the audience about the size of my chest saying 'she could breastfeed the whole of Walford.' There were many more 'jokes' but that is the one that sticks in my mind. I was just stood next to him wanting the ground to eat me up.

Please contact the hotel OP. You wouldn't have been the only person he's done this to.

OMG, that’s awful. I hope you seek advice on your rights. Like the OP, you should get damages for that.

Neemie · 14/02/2025 09:05

I would write him a scathing review. I wouldn’t mention the incident with you because he is clearly a total dickhead and he will just think you are a bitter, silly woman. l would criticise his dated, unfunny comedy style.

FriendlyEeyore · 14/02/2025 09:03

This thread has exposed a bunch of vipers on a forum aimed at women who would rather pile on a woman and invalidate her feelings than call out a man who behaved appalling.

I wonder what the reaction would be if she said the ‘comedian’ was trans?

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 14/02/2025 09:02

You could write to his agent? And ask for confirmation that he has changed the act and would no longer behave in such a way.

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 09:01

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/02/2025 08:57

No is my answer .
Sounds bloody disgusting and horrible but….. i don’t agree with dragging up all the stuff from years ago because we lived in a different world then. .6. 12,20, 26,32 years ago .

What was seen as acceptable then is not now .

Yes you should / could have complained at the time. You didn’t and it’s been 6 years .

If this was a sexual assault of any Kind then of course not .
It was words from a comedian.

6 years ago not 60. Wtf.

Sexual harassment is not acceptable people, I had no idea how many women though it was.

Apieceofpizza · 14/02/2025 08:58

I've had an incident with a famous comedian years ago. He was the host of a gameshow and I was one of the contestants. I got to the final, and whilst the set was being altered he was joking with the audience about the size of my chest saying 'she could breastfeed the whole of Walford.' There were many more 'jokes' but that is the one that sticks in my mind. I was just stood next to him wanting the ground to eat me up.

Please contact the hotel OP. You wouldn't have been the only person he's done this to.

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/02/2025 08:57

No is my answer .
Sounds bloody disgusting and horrible but….. i don’t agree with dragging up all the stuff from years ago because we lived in a different world then. .6. 12,20, 26,32 years ago .

What was seen as acceptable then is not now .

Yes you should / could have complained at the time. You didn’t and it’s been 6 years .

If this was a sexual assault of any Kind then of course not .
It was words from a comedian.

EdithBond · 14/02/2025 08:56

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 08:48

Straight up sexual harassment. I cannot believe the % of sheep who think this is acceptable.

If he is still working there of course you should review him and also complain to the hotel. It’s too late really for them to do anything about it, although they might have a word with him, but if other women complain it will all add up eventually.

I know! I can’t believe around half of those polled think OP is being unreasonable. Good grief!

Strongly advise you to seek advice from Citizen’s Advice or a women’s rights organisation. Public naming and shaming could put you at risk of being accused of libel or slander. Whereas a private complaint, and possible legal action, would not.

Is there anyone from your work group who you could contact as a witness to this, OP? Even if they didn’t object, as long as they remember and can corroborate the fact it happened it would be useful evidence to support your complaint.

Oioisavaloy27 · 14/02/2025 08:56

It was 6 years ago why only now? What he said wasn't right but it's oar for the course when you go to see these comedians.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 14/02/2025 08:56

BeardofHagrid · 14/02/2025 07:37

I would email the hotel and tell them what you told us. There’s every chance they will take it seriously. I think what he did was absolutely disgusting.

There is every chance they will not take it seriously too.
Like the pub with the gollywog displays that just doubled down on their opinions.
They're probably fully aware of what he's like and have 10s if 1000s of happy customers.
Not saying it's right, but that's probably how it is.

Grannyinnwaiting · 14/02/2025 08:53

Awful - you did the right thing to walk out and very upsetting. But now time to move on- it he has a website post about his behaviour / otherwise move on

Oldglasses · 14/02/2025 08:48

Yes, do a a bad review! I had a rather humilating experience via a so-called entertainer a good few years ago. It was nowhere near as bad as yours but it was very cringe-inducing and I absolutely hate being 'singled out' anyway. I've been to events since where he's appeared and he waves at me (I used him in the past before the humiliating experience so we 'know' each other) and I just politely wave back and don't engage further. He has also been 'in trouble' before by being inappropriate at events which demanded a slightly higher level of decorum let's say!

Gumbo · 14/02/2025 08:48

RabbitsRock · 14/02/2025 07:06

Gumbo if it’s not too outing, was it Sarah Millican?

No, it was Jenny Eclair. She was absolutely vile.

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 08:48

Straight up sexual harassment. I cannot believe the % of sheep who think this is acceptable.

If he is still working there of course you should review him and also complain to the hotel. It’s too late really for them to do anything about it, although they might have a word with him, but if other women complain it will all add up eventually.

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 14/02/2025 08:47

Well done for walking out, OP. A lot of people would have been paralysed by embarrassment. Your spineless (thankfully ex) colleagues should at least have sympathised with you afterwards, even if they didn’t have the guts to defend you at the time.

Your silent protest may have made your point to many of the audience.

And well done your DH too. He’s a good one!

EdithBond · 14/02/2025 08:44

@Redspottyfrog I’m so sorry you were subjected to such overt and public sexual harassment and none of your work colleagues supported you. Disgraceful. It’s no wonder it still affects you.

There absolutely is something you can do. You can complain to the venue, especially if the man in question still works there. I’d strongly advise you to check out your rights and how best to complain. If you were there as part of a work function, may also constitute sexual harassment at work.

I’ve only read your posts, but it seems some people are suggesting you should tolerate this. No, you shouldn’t. It’s unlawful and has been for many years. More to the point, women have fought for rights to be protected from harassment. And are still fighting.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

Check what you can do about harassment

Check if the harassment is discrimination under the Equality Act 2010, and if you can take legal action about it.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/02/2025 08:42

Actually just realised it was years ago so sadly statute of limitations (on EL anyway) means a claim would be unlikely to be successful

DoYouReally · 14/02/2025 08:41

Fair play to you for walking out.

I would absolutely have felt as embarrassed and uncomfortable as you.

I suspect if newspapers pick up on this thread, they'll contact you.

Personally, I would post on twitter but I understand you may also not want to being it into a public arena.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/02/2025 08:40

What have you got to lose? You might get no response or a 'I'm sorry you feel like that' non apology, but as long as you're prepared for that then go for it.

Agree with a pp though who said that you should complain to your old workplace (worth doing if its corporate but maybe not if its a small family business etc). They have a duty of care towards your mental wellbeing even on a night out and the facts that they

  • took you there
  • you were verbally abused in a sexual manner publicly
  • they didn't check you were OK
  • they continued the abuse after the event
  • you had to leave because of it

Means they completely failed in their duty of care. Because it was related to being female they have probably also breached some rules on sex based discrimination. You might have a case for constructive dismissal if you wanted to pursue it, it might be worth talking to an employment lawyer (or a no win no fee lawyer if you want to claim for stress under their Employers Liability insurance which I think would also be possible - you would need evidence of nightmares etc

CautiousLurker01 · 14/02/2025 08:30

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:53

No proof. It’s not worth it is it. Just looked at the reviews of the hotel and it seems most people find this guy hilarious so would not get anywhere.

No, there’s nothing you can do now. But as a society we need to empower women to be able to speak out at the time and stop enabling it by making it socially unacceptable to make jokes like this and bully staff/audience members. This isn’t PK, is it? He seems to be being exposed as a rather toxic individual atm. But then, a lot of comedians are quite nasty beyond their on stage personas.

Flozle · 14/02/2025 08:30

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 05:20

I would not contact the police it would be the hotel. It’s ok I won’t bother I obviously overreacted. Maybe I should have even been flattered.

You didn't over react and you definitely shouldn't have been flattered. He was vile, he did treat you like a piece of meat, and he suggested that it was a flaw in your character that you didn't find it funny.

Not sure you have any recourse now, but your feelings are entirely valid. Maybe email the hotel and give them a candid review of his show, which will maybe allow you some closure?

Your colleagues sound awful. I hope you're not still working with them.