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Original poster

To feel upset I won’t be invited to his parents 60th?

184 replies

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:51

I’ve been with my partner for 15 months and I’ve never met his parents. His parents know all about me and he chats to them when I’m there etc but they live in another country in Europe, so he doesn’t see them often.

About 8 months in, he told me they had said I’m welcome to visit any time. I’m now at a point where I know so much about them but we haven’t met. He is also divorced for 5 years.

Now he tells me he and his brother are planning a 60th party for his parents this summer. And tells me we can go on holiday together the next month - I’m basically not invited and I feel hurt.

for all intents and purposes this is a serious relationship and he even spent part of Christmas with my family and see them
a lot. I feel this is just too long to wait.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 14/02/2025 04:18

Just ask whether, if you are still together, he would mind if you attended?
Your DP is organising the party so you need to be happy with him spending a lot of time hosting and drawing attention to his parents.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/02/2025 04:09

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

I 100% agree with this . Their wedding anniversary is about them not you , it’s not the time to introduce a new partner. he wants to spend time celebrating them, if you are there he will be having to be by your side all night as you won’t know anyone and by the sounds of things there is also a language barrier.

Let him go and tell him to spoil his parents rotten but start a plan for you to go visit them within a few moths and when you go take them a anniversary present

thatringoffire · 14/02/2025 04:05

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:59

He doesn’t have kids with his ex wife and they haven’t seen her since the divorce according to him.

I did think that maybe a concern is language barrier at a family party. He said his parents speak decent English but I’m not sure about everyone else.

how do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?’. We have agreed we are a serious item and seem to be heading that way. Tomorrow my parents are taking us both for dinner and to the theatre. I actually find it quite rude.

Edited

So you haven't heard them speak fluent English?

Maybe he doesn't speak about you when he's on the phone to them? Are you sure they know about you?

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

Lurkingandlearning · 14/02/2025 03:36

He’s enjoying your family’s hospitality and getting to know them but doesn’t think you are worthy of the same. Doesn’t see you as a long term GF and although happy to eat at your family’s table doesn’t want to involve his own family. Or his family are so awful he doesn’t want you to meet them.

You’ve got to ask him why you’re not invited. You can’t have a relationship and not discuss things that concern you.

The different languages isn’t a barrier. You can probably learn enough to get by at the party before the summer. You’d only be having basic chats even if you all spoke the same language

Original poster
PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:59

He doesn’t have kids with his ex wife and they haven’t seen her since the divorce according to him.

I did think that maybe a concern is language barrier at a family party. He said his parents speak decent English but I’m not sure about everyone else.

how do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?’. We have agreed we are a serious item and seem to be heading that way. Tomorrow my parents are taking us both for dinner and to the theatre. I actually find it quite rude.

OP posts:
Notgivenuphope · 14/02/2025 00:55

I would not stand for this OP. I would say ok so when will be be flying out then? And let him explain to you why you’re excluded.

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 14/02/2025 00:55

Did he say "you aren't invited to the party?"
Or was it meant more as "you can come to the party and meet them then come on holiday?"

Maybe the birthday party would have family members around who would disapprove of the new relationship?

BaMamma · 14/02/2025 00:54

How close is his ex-wife to his family and do they have kids?