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Original poster

To feel upset I won’t be invited to his parents 60th?

184 replies

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:51

I’ve been with my partner for 15 months and I’ve never met his parents. His parents know all about me and he chats to them when I’m there etc but they live in another country in Europe, so he doesn’t see them often.

About 8 months in, he told me they had said I’m welcome to visit any time. I’m now at a point where I know so much about them but we haven’t met. He is also divorced for 5 years.

Now he tells me he and his brother are planning a 60th party for his parents this summer. And tells me we can go on holiday together the next month - I’m basically not invited and I feel hurt.

for all intents and purposes this is a serious relationship and he even spent part of Christmas with my family and see them
a lot. I feel this is just too long to wait.

OP posts:
Lyannaa · 14/02/2025 06:38

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

🙄🙄
No

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 14/02/2025 06:37

Lurkingandlearning · 14/02/2025 03:36

He’s enjoying your family’s hospitality and getting to know them but doesn’t think you are worthy of the same. Doesn’t see you as a long term GF and although happy to eat at your family’s table doesn’t want to involve his own family. Or his family are so awful he doesn’t want you to meet them.

You’ve got to ask him why you’re not invited. You can’t have a relationship and not discuss things that concern you.

The different languages isn’t a barrier. You can probably learn enough to get by at the party before the summer. You’d only be having basic chats even if you all spoke the same language

Oh, please. What a conclusion to leap to

Lyannaa · 14/02/2025 06:37

They should have invited you, end of. How disrespectful. Which country out of interest? I'm assuming it's not Italy based upon my own experiences.

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 14/02/2025 06:35

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

This.
One doesn't introduce a new partner at a family event such as this. It really is about family, despite him apparently not seeing them very often, and in this case, everyone will be trying to include you/speak English, which is exhausting and detracts from the main event.

Georgraphy has meant he's met your parents and they've been nice. So? Relationships aren't all checks and balances; if his parents lived in australia, it would be even more difficult - would you expect to go to a strange family 60th celebration there?

OneShoeShort · 14/02/2025 06:23

I think this party is likely not the right occasion for this, particularly given the language barrier. Your partner will be hosting, as will his brother and (essentially) his parents. They'll all have a ton of things and people in need of their attention, so it's a really poor time to get to know them and if you don't speak the local language you're going to struggle to mingle with all the guests independently. And frankly that occasion is supposed to be for him to center his parents and their marriage.

But you're certainly not unreasonable for wanting to meet his parents at this stage. Instead of asking where your invite to the party is, tell him you'd like to go ahead and plan a trip to meet his parents and see what he says.

RubyRedBow · 14/02/2025 06:22

I think you should outright ask him.

UnexpectedCost · 14/02/2025 06:15

OldChairMan · 14/02/2025 04:21

What complete nonsense. Every sentence!

Show quote history

Agreed. I met my husband’s family at his sibling’s 40th. After six months I think. It was a great way to meet them all and they were lovely.

Surely these parents aren’t pathetic enough to think the attention will be taken off them by their son’s partner coming. I would be delighted in their position!

Snoken · 14/02/2025 06:11

Neveranynamesleft · 14/02/2025 04:52

@Ponderingwindow

Total nonsense.

Clearly not since about half the people agree with @Ponderingwindow .

As a foreigner I do too. Some of my family speak good enough English to hold a decent conversation, some understand but won’t be comfortable speaking, some of the older generation and the children don’t speak English. This is not the time and place to introduce you because he’s hosting and he won’t have time to make sure you are comfortable during the party. His focus should be the parents and wider family, you can get to know them at a more relaxed occasion.

moanaom · 14/02/2025 05:54

I think a big party like that isn't an ideal setting to meet parents for the first time. It might be that he wants you to meet them in a more intimate setting first?

Basically you need to talk to him about how you feel.

Strictly1 · 14/02/2025 05:52

With a language barrier he’d have to babysit you throughout the party or you’d moan I bet. Let him go and enjoy it and you can meet them after. The party is about them not you.

Zonder · 14/02/2025 05:50

Just say that you would like to come to the party. Or maybe best to ask to meet them sooner first.

Communication is key.

Brainstem · 14/02/2025 05:48

I don’t think it’s the place to meet the for the first time either.

Flamingoknees · 14/02/2025 05:44

I assume he speaks in their language when on calls? He could be telling you anything OP. I'd be sceptical about everything, until you actually meet them. That includes his divorce. Why is he in your country? What religion/nationalty are he and his parents?

LillyPJ · 14/02/2025 05:39

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 14/02/2025 04:47

I think it’s so weird people think this is a bad time to meet them.

It’s a party! She can say hello and congratulations. It’s a low pressure meet and greet.

But you don't know what the parents are like, or if it's just for old friends, or a small quiet get-together. Nor do you know about their culture or relationship with the son and his ex. You're just projecting your idea of a party onto the situation. The partner is in a better position to judge.

Devon24 · 14/02/2025 05:23

At this point you need to insist. Ridiculous that it hasn’t happened so far.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 14/02/2025 05:21

Tell him you’d like to meet his parents and listen carefully to his response. Online chat might be the best way to introduce you.

Heidi2018 · 14/02/2025 05:13

Have you met them on facetime or talked to them over the phone?

BeaAndBen · 14/02/2025 05:05

Definitely not the occasion to meet them for the first time. Sorry, OP.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 14/02/2025 04:58

OP surely his parents want to meet you ?

Wouldn't they find it strange that their son's partner isn't attending their celebration?

You need to speak with him!

Neveranynamesleft · 14/02/2025 04:52

@Ponderingwindow

Total nonsense.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 14/02/2025 04:47

I think it’s so weird people think this is a bad time to meet them.

It’s a party! She can say hello and congratulations. It’s a low pressure meet and greet.

JMSA · 14/02/2025 04:23

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

This is what I thought. And especially when there's a language barrier.

arcticpandas · 14/02/2025 04:22

Very weird and hurtful. YANBU. I would ask him bluntly why he doesn't want you to meet his parents.

AngelicKaty · 14/02/2025 04:22

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

@PrueD
I agree with @Ponderingwindow . I'd be more irritated that in the 7 months since your DP told you his parents had said you were "welcome to visit anytime", he hasn't arranged a visit! If he had done so, then taking you to their 60th wedding anniversary party this summer as his partner would have felt more natural.
Do you know for a fact you're not invited, OP? Has he specifically said you're not, or just given you this impression? (and if so, how?) If he's not really been clear, perhaps you could ask him if he wants help with booking (both) your flights and see what he says?

OldChairMan · 14/02/2025 04:21

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

What complete nonsense. Every sentence!