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Original poster

To feel upset I won’t be invited to his parents 60th?

184 replies

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:51

I’ve been with my partner for 15 months and I’ve never met his parents. His parents know all about me and he chats to them when I’m there etc but they live in another country in Europe, so he doesn’t see them often.

About 8 months in, he told me they had said I’m welcome to visit any time. I’m now at a point where I know so much about them but we haven’t met. He is also divorced for 5 years.

Now he tells me he and his brother are planning a 60th party for his parents this summer. And tells me we can go on holiday together the next month - I’m basically not invited and I feel hurt.

for all intents and purposes this is a serious relationship and he even spent part of Christmas with my family and see them
a lot. I feel this is just too long to wait.

OP posts:
mewkins · 14/02/2025 07:43

FrannyScraps · 14/02/2025 06:56

Not the point but...

Am I the only one who assumed this was 60th birthdays?!

All my in-laws (divorced so two sets) are in their 60s (dh and I are early 40s)

If they really have been married for 60 years and ate probably in their 80s then their won't be all that much longer to meet them!

I'm glad you said that. I wondered what the hell people were on about. 😆

Vickyvogue25 · 14/02/2025 07:42

@FrannyScraps

I read it as a 60th birthday too, nowhere has Op mentioned an anniversary!

ahdlfj · 14/02/2025 07:42

how do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?’.

Why would you not just ask that? If it's a serious relationship you wouldnt need to pussyfoot around such a reasonable question.

Mere1 · 14/02/2025 07:39

JMSA · 14/02/2025 04:23

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

This is what I thought. And especially when there's a language barrier.

It may be that he’s a nice chap, wants to make something very special for his parents-as a caring son- and realises that party is not the time to introduce you. He wants you to meet them on another occasion. It’s less easy as you’re in separate countries. Your parents are close by and he speaks English. Don’t think the worst of him straightaway.

Shelby2010 · 14/02/2025 07:37

How serious is your relationship? Are you living together or is he a boyfriend rather than a partner? Has he been to see his parents since you got together?

It might be less about you meeting his parents & more about the awkwardness of throwing you in amongst aunts/uncle’s & grandparents.

But it might just be that he’s a bloke & assumed you wouldn’t want to go to a dull old fogey’s event.

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 14/02/2025 07:35

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/02/2025 04:09

I 100% agree with this . Their wedding anniversary is about them not you , it’s not the time to introduce a new partner. he wants to spend time celebrating them, if you are there he will be having to be by your side all night as you won’t know anyone and by the sounds of things there is also a language barrier.

Let him go and tell him to spoil his parents rotten but start a plan for you to go visit them within a few moths and when you go take them a anniversary present

Show quote history

I agree with the above.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 14/02/2025 07:34

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:59

He doesn’t have kids with his ex wife and they haven’t seen her since the divorce according to him.

I did think that maybe a concern is language barrier at a family party. He said his parents speak decent English but I’m not sure about everyone else.

how do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?’. We have agreed we are a serious item and seem to be heading that way. Tomorrow my parents are taking us both for dinner and to the theatre. I actually find it quite rude.

Edited

Umm why the hell can’t you say “where’s my invite”? It shows there may be something wrong with the relationship if you don’t feel you can be that honest.

Horses7 · 14/02/2025 07:31

Just tell him you’d love to meet his parents and it’s very important to you.

ScribblingPixie · 14/02/2025 07:26

How do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?

Why would you not say this? His parents have invited you over so won't they be surprised and disappointed not to meet you? Why are you not included? I'd be questioning why he has no plans to introduce you.

OneShoeShort · 14/02/2025 07:10

I would have an open and honest talk with your bf and see his reasoning. No reason is good and if I was not invited after the talk, I would explain I am not wasting my time with someone who does not want me to meet his family.

This is not how you have an an open talk in a relationship. Deciding in advance that the other party's thoughts and feelings are irrelevant because you're right no matter what is actually the exact opposite.

HoraceCope · 14/02/2025 07:09

i think it would be polite if you didnt go

SamPoodle123 · 14/02/2025 07:06

Also, language barrier is a LAME excuse. If it is a problem now, do you think he would ever marry you? If that is what you want. There will be people there that speak English that he could stick you with. My dh is from another culture and when we do group events, I was always sat next to someone that speaks the same language.

ThisNeverEndingShitShow · 14/02/2025 07:04

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

This.
The focus at their party should be on them, not the introduction of you to the wider family and friends.
Also you wouldn’t know anyone so he would have to be by your side all night instead of letting his hair down.

SamPoodle123 · 14/02/2025 07:03

This is a big red flag and I would be concerned. I would have an open and honest talk with your bf and see his reasoning. No reason is good and if I was not invited after the talk, I would explain I am not wasting my time with someone who does not want me to meet his family. My first seriously relationship was with a guy who would do something like your bf. When his parents would visit he did not arrange for us to meet (until the end when we were breaking up!!!!! bc I was moving back home to my country). Anyway, with my next serious relationship (same culture as my ex) within a couple months he invited me to the family summer house, which his entire family were there!! I was expecting it to just be siblings, but parents were there as well. I married him 1.5 years later.

SunblockSue · 14/02/2025 06:58

I would be seriously pleased that I didn't have to go!

FrannyScraps · 14/02/2025 06:56

Not the point but...

Am I the only one who assumed this was 60th birthdays?!

All my in-laws (divorced so two sets) are in their 60s (dh and I are early 40s)

If they really have been married for 60 years and ate probably in their 80s then their won't be all that much longer to meet them!

DutchCowgirl · 14/02/2025 06:56

I don’t understand why you can’t just speak to him about it … all these horrible assumptions people are making here and the only one who can help you out is your partner! You don’t have to ask “where is my invite?”… just ask if he thinks the party would be a great moment to meet his family. And maybe he has a good reason and maybe not, but this bunch of stranger on the internet don’t know the truth, we can only make assumptions.

Why do you want to share your life with someone you cant address such basic topics?

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 14/02/2025 06:55

Lyannaa · 14/02/2025 06:37

They should have invited you, end of. How disrespectful. Which country out of interest? I'm assuming it's not Italy based upon my own experiences.

What difference does that make?

IDontHateRainbows · 14/02/2025 06:48

All these people saying not the right time / place to meet them.... surely she wouldn't meet them for the first time at the actual party, she'd fly out and meet them in the preceding days/ day before? Sounds like the perfect time to meet them.
And we don't know the country but it's hardly like Europeans don't commonly speak English as a second language.

I'd be hurt too.

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 14/02/2025 06:47

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:51

I’ve been with my partner for 15 months and I’ve never met his parents. His parents know all about me and he chats to them when I’m there etc but they live in another country in Europe, so he doesn’t see them often.

About 8 months in, he told me they had said I’m welcome to visit any time. I’m now at a point where I know so much about them but we haven’t met. He is also divorced for 5 years.

Now he tells me he and his brother are planning a 60th party for his parents this summer. And tells me we can go on holiday together the next month - I’m basically not invited and I feel hurt.

for all intents and purposes this is a serious relationship and he even spent part of Christmas with my family and see them
a lot. I feel this is just too long to wait.

Do you speak their language fluently enough to hold your own at a party, or would your DP need to be at your side permanently in order to translate?

Do you or your family ever talk to him in his language to make him feel as if you and they are trying to make him welcome? Remember, it's very tiring to hold a conversation in anything other than one's first language, so is he the one always making the effort?

Meadowfinch · 14/02/2025 06:45

Is he planning on staying in the UK or are you his uk love interest until he goes home and marries locally?

Does he come from the kind of place where parents expect to have a say in his choice of wife?

Is there a difference in religion?

Tourmalines · 14/02/2025 06:43

Lyannaa · 14/02/2025 06:39

There are always people on Mumsnet who like to disagree for the sake of it.

i don’t think it’s for the sake of it . It’s because they have different opinions .

Flipslop · 14/02/2025 06:43

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:59

He doesn’t have kids with his ex wife and they haven’t seen her since the divorce according to him.

I did think that maybe a concern is language barrier at a family party. He said his parents speak decent English but I’m not sure about everyone else.

how do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?’. We have agreed we are a serious item and seem to be heading that way. Tomorrow my parents are taking us both for dinner and to the theatre. I actually find it quite rude.

Edited

Why haven’t you had this conversation?? You dont have to say you think it’s rude just maybe to say that you’d love to come to the party, is that an option?
blows my mind that people in adult relationships come on here to say how annoyed about a situation they are and haven’t even broached it with their partner 🙈

Lyannaa · 14/02/2025 06:39

There are always people on Mumsnet who like to disagree for the sake of it.

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 14/02/2025 06:39

OldChairMan · 14/02/2025 04:21

What complete nonsense. Every sentence!

Show quote history

No, it is not.
It's a sensible response