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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do?

34 replies

40andstillfakingituntilimakeit · 14/02/2025 00:37

My husband has not spoken properly to me in 57 days …

we are together 14 years but married less than a year; house , cat, two kids.
apparently i did something on the 18th dec, no idea what. Christmas was ruined and my 40th bday. While he got me a lovely 40th present (family trip to new york ) there was no love around it - only getting kids to give to me. I have tried to ask him several times (i have mainly text) as communication is poor: he has ignored. We will talk about our son with additional needs that is it

we have never gone 57 days not talking. I was shocked when i asked alexa. We have slept in separate beds for years so i manage kids and work and he works away. Again away tonight no contact. Would you think another woman??? I see he is still wearinf his weddinf rinf ; i winder why tbh

OP posts:
DoloresODonovan · 14/02/2025 00:49

he is heading for the door,
18 December would be when he made the decision,
if it was truly something you had said or done he would have dealt with it,
not have the mystery festering for 57 days
ie this sounds as though you are being punoshed for something you have not done - classic transference and projection

Eenameenadeeka · 14/02/2025 00:49

i would leave, this sounds absolutely miserable and hardly a relationship. Not what you want to model to your children either.

snowlady4 · 14/02/2025 00:46

I find this bizarre.. sad... confusing.
Can you live like this? Do you want to?
2 months of ignoring you and you don't know why? Is it abusive/controlling behaviour do you think?
What are you getting from this relationship?
I think you need to stop worrying about him, other women and what you might have 'done/said' to cause this. L- and focus on you and your happiness. How dare he do this to you.
He sounds like a giant baby who is being very selfish and can't communicate.
If he won't communicate I think I would seriously think about leaving.
Sorry to hear you're not getting support regarding your Mum.. that is awful and some would think unforgivable.
Can you go an stay with her for a bit?

Original poster
40andstillfakingituntilimakeit · 14/02/2025 00:44

username299 · 14/02/2025 00:39

Is this common? Does he often give you the silent treatment? What's he normally like?

Yes he has but maybe a week! Not 2 months!??

OP posts:
Original poster
40andstillfakingituntilimakeit · 14/02/2025 00:44

For my christmas and bday ruined , not for kids

OP posts:
Original poster
40andstillfakingituntilimakeit · 14/02/2025 00:44

BaMamma · 14/02/2025 00:40

How did you manage Christmas? You say it was ruined, didn't that upset your child? Didn't that bother your husband?

Edited

It was pleasant for kids. Got a peck on the lips for a really expensive and thoughtful gift i thought he would love.

he has started a new job with tons of stress so i dont try to talk to him about anything other than kids as he will ignore. On my 40th my sister called out and stayed the night - he went to bed at 8pm
barelt said two words, sister commented he seemed angry, i dont tell her about him

OP posts:
Original poster
40andstillfakingituntilimakeit · 14/02/2025 00:40

Also sons additional needs dont affect him at all. Its me mainly and school.

my mum is going through cancer treatment.

we make pleasantries around kids so not toxic but he very much works and comes ans goes.

OP posts:
BaMamma · 14/02/2025 00:40

How did you manage Christmas? You say it was ruined, didn't that upset your child? Didn't that bother your husband?

username299 · 14/02/2025 00:39

Is this common? Does he often give you the silent treatment? What's he normally like?