Online date

It's okay to be single, and I say that as a 50-something who has mostly been single through her life.

Well, desperation comes across and is another unattractive quality.

You really do need to have some confidence and be more self assured. The “woe is me” isn’t helping you.

Most of the mainstream dating sites you don't have to pay for. You can pay for them, which will usually offer extra functionality, but I've met up with quite a few guys without coughing up a single penny on the sites. You don't have to wear make-up, either - I don't.

I do think that spending some time and effort on your self-esteem, be it through counselling or whatever, would be better than jumping onto dating sites, though - they can be a tough environment, and you need a thick skin.

You don’t have to pay for any dating apps. I never paid. I’ve been with the guy I met for 18 months now. Never paid for the apps.

You know there's more than one online dating site? And they don't all have ridiculous fees like that one?

He’s being sensible, OP, and there’s something you can learn from him here which will help you in dating and keeping yourself safe. It’s really not a good idea to be telling strangers all about your life history, your past relationships and why they ended, your vulnerabilities etc. Not everyone is good, and there are plenty of people out there who will try to sniff out vulnerable people and those who are too free and easy with “opening up” immediately because they think that’s how connections are built, and take advantage.

When you’re chatting to somebody online, and even on the initial dates, you don’t owe them your past and finer details. It’s completely healthy and the right thing to do to focus on gradually getting to know somebody, and not instantly talking about your exes and your previous relationships. No new person in your life needs - or should want - to know that.

It’s absolutely fine to not like his personality and so not want to take things further; but don’t mistake “connection” for “oversharing.” And anybody can be anybody they want to be online. Arranging to meet relatively quickly, just for a casual coffee or drink, to establish that somebody is at least who they say they are, is much more advisable than lots of online chatting, building up a faux intimacy and then being let down.

Ok, this is going to sound insulting but i’m really not saying it to be insulting. I’m trying to be constructive and give you an example.

Is the way you typed this thread similar to how you have typed your online dating profile? And similar to how you type when you talk to men you’ve matched with on online dating, @PerkyOchrePeer ?

By that I mean muddled, rambly and with no or incorrect punctuation? Because, the men you’re going to attract will be similar in style to yourself. Again, this will sound bad and i’m sorry, but “better” men, educated, well spoken, more attention detailed etc, won’t be attracted to a profile written like this. It’s going to attract men who are looking for a vulnerable woman they can take advantage of, or it’s going to attract men who write a similar way and aren’t exactly a good prospect. They just tend to be a bit… meh and unreliable.

You need to present your best self, and be able to type a sentence together and hold a written conversation if you want to match with men who are decent long-term prospects.

It’s not as true in the real world. Lots of people are functionally illiterate and really struggle with written communication, but it doesn’t matter because you get to know them through other communication. But online, there is just such a high number of really shitty men, or men looking for vulnerable woman and your writing style is a big sign that you could be used. You’ll attract the wrong man.

I was only dating, and only occasionally matched with someone who was clearly looking for a woman to take advantage of but it was rare and i’d unmatch them within a few sentences. My friend, who struggles with writing and isn’t very good at putting herself forward in a way that makes sense, pretty much only ever matched with really shitty men looking for women they could easily manipulate and love bomb with comments like this man made (great connection, meant to be, so right for each other after only a couple of chats).

You’re attracting the wrong type of man if you write the way you have here. It sucks and i’m sorry to be saying it, but you do need to try and protect yourself from that. Maybe get some help writing your profile and with the way you communicate online?

Bit harsh. She could have dyslexia or something

You don't actually have to be such a 🐄 in your response.

You're clearly not in the right frame of mind to be posting on AIBU, let alone trying online dating.
Both can be brutal.

😂Love this x

YABU

or maybe YANBU

Who knows

Online dating can be brutal. You need to be feeling secure in yourself before setting out on it.

When you're ready - there are far more frogs than prince's. And there are dating threads on here.