Please reassure me I did the right thing here

Just read your whole thread @pleasehelpsostressed - what an awful experience - really feel for your DSD and you and her father. You certainly did right thing by calling the police. Your DSD called you for help, you had to do something.
Your DD sounds so lovely and wonderful and a great role model too.
Hopefully your DSD will stay for a bit and feel relaxed and happy in your environment and keep wanting to stay for longer … I expect she is worried about her mum tho, and that might be what is pulling her back. It’s sad her mum is minimising her daughter’s feelings - she should be proud she called the police to protect her and recorded evidence. I would worry also about the step dad calling your DSD a whore - I think bringing sexualised language into insults is really not a good sign.
sending hugs xx

You did the right thing. I grew up like this and neither my dad or my mum prioritised me (or my siblings) over their relationships. It’s had a profound effect on my life and relationship with both my parents. Knowing a parent has your back is just what she needs, she needs a voice in all of this, to be believed and supported. Alongside knowing this isn’t healthy or normal behaviour. You all sound like a great support for her.

Agree with everyone else, DSD will be relieved to have the decision made for her by an adult, deep down I am sure. If she insists on going home or she goes for any reason, SS have to be informed of the situation. The fact police aren't taking it further doesn't mean they won't take it seriously.

Your DH needs to put his foot down and say that his daughter is forbidden from being in the presence of this abusive pig.

Yes you definitely did the right thing calling the police. Hopefully this will be a trigger for the mum to end this relationship. How scary for her and your SD.

Think you've hit the nail on the head. I can't believe the Mum's behaviour in all of this.
I've only got boys so unlikely anyone will ever call them a "whore" (misogynistic world we live in!) But if anyone ever spoke to or about my boys in that manner they would never see me or them again!!!
My sympathy with women who are victims of DV only goes so far when there innocent children to protect. At that point you do what it takes to protect your child.

You’ve absolutely done the right this.

I was DSD in a not dissimilar situation and wished someone had helped me in this way.

She will want to be with her Mum, but if Mum doesn’t get rid of the man then that’s the end of it (and should be).

Things aren’t going to improve if he’s calling her a whore, no matter how much of an annoying teenager exploring boundaries she is. In fact she is at real risk of hostility going back.

My stepdad once told me all I would end up as would be a prostitute. It’s never left me. Xx

They really should. Being called to a loud verbal argument where a child is present can trigger one but I agree, checking with the police that this has been submitted is a good idea. Talk to Social Services yourselves too, though.

ETA the NSPCC pass anything that is child protection related straight to Social Services. They don't have the powers to investigate or intervene.

I’d also complain higher up that the video evidence hasn’t been taken seriously when he threatened to kill someone and ripped a door off its hinges?! I can imagine the mum may have smoothed it over when they arrived and blamed the girl - poor thing with her mum not supporting her :(

Must be awful for DSD to know her mum hadn’t got her back at all and she’s prioritising vile man. Poor girl 💔

I would say that given what DSD has disclosed about her Stepdads behaviour she could be at some risk from him. Both due to his anger and due to his sexualised comments - paints a concerning picture.
I think your DH should tell his daughter she needs to stay with you both as she isn't safe with Stepdad.
Mum is minimising - this is how children get hurt or worse.
Are there other children in the house at risk from the DV?

But will they have, if they say no offence has been committed?? I really think it’s worth going back to the police and reporting it as emotional abuse of a child. Take the list of things she has reported. You could call NSPCC for advice and they can also make a referral to children’s services.

Bless you. You 100% did the right thing and thank God your DSD got this evidence!!!! Hope you are all OK and that psycho gets arrested and removed x

agree with @SofaSpuds - take the decision to go home out of DSDs hands for now. She doesn't need guilt/emotional blackmail to contend with as well.

Stepdad sounds like an abusive bully and ex wife sounds like a sadly typically fearful/in denial/broken women who is terrified of speaking the truth out loud. Right now, priority is quite rightly DSD safety and wellbeing so well done for keeping her with you, and then it's up to her Mum to find the strength to admit what needs to happen next.

Does your DH have contact with any of his ex-wife's close friends or relatives? Is it worth a call to a sister/friend/ex MIL to try and gently persuade her of what is happening and the need to get her and her DD out of this abusive relationship?

Another one saying take the decision about going home out of her hands, keep her with you.

I know you'll talk to her school but a call to Chrildren's Services should be made. The police will have put a report in anyway as she was a child in the house when there was violence.

Me too.

Op, you did absolutely right. That man sounds dangerous.

I know DSD wants to "go home" but actually I think your DH should take the decision out of her hands - for now at least. She may feel guilty for not going home to mum, but if she can "blame" dad that may help.
I really don't think she should go home until mum shows she can put her daughter ahead of an abusive man.

Is one of the reasons her mum is minimising all this because of money?

Does your DH pay CM? And obviously she gets CB. She'll not want her to move out will she?
(Sorry if that's overly cynical)

Your dh will get nowhere with the mother.
She is protecting her relationship over her daughter and that will not change.

Keep dsd with you and get her to speak to someone neutral like a counsellor over next weeks so she understands she is not to blame and she is not responsible for her mother s choices .
Dsd can stay with her dad and should . She is old enough to make that choice

@pleasehelpsostressed please take the decision out of DSD hands. I know that is so very hard. I grew up in similar circumstances. My dad lived miles away and was not very present. But if I had grown up in a different environment I might not have picked similar men in my adult life as I learnt from my mother's example and knew no different.

Bless her and you all, what a scary and upsetting situation for you all . I hope the mother will realise what she needs to do before she ruins her relationship with her daughter. How is she so blind to the situation?

Oh wow,that's a lot in an update. I'm guessing from what you have said, your Dsd will be staying with you as none of the concerns she has have been actually addressed by her mother?
She's basically absolving the stepdad of any wrong doing and saying it's everyone else fault.
Can you look at bringing this to family court?