Please reassure me I did the right thing here

Wow. I'd be locked up if any man called my daughter a whore let alone all the other shit going on.

Some people aren't fit to be parents. Thank goodness for you, her dad and her sister ❤️

Dsd can’t go back at all until that relationship ends. I don’t know this for sure legally, but a divorced friend of mine was told that if she released her dd into a dangerous situation, she herself could be held responsible for any violence suffered by her dd (her ex was a habitual DV’er with many different women)

If there is any info that turns up on a Sarah's law disclosure, that will be passed to the OPs DH, as he is a parent requesting info about someone with contact with his child.

Poor girl, either the mum is also a victim and institutionalised by the abuse or she blinded by love for this beast. Either way dsd must not go back even if she begins to say she wants too, makes sure you keep her. And your daughter sounds Amazing

It's a bit of a weird one in that if he pays the rent/owns the property, he can damage it to his hearts content. Threats to kill have to be imminent, so a conditional threat recorded by a third party would not be classed as a threat to kill. You could say it's a 'common assault' as the dd called to be taken away from the address but that would involve the dd providing a statement. With mum minimising, to this degree it makes it incredibly hard

Why are you being like this? It’s obvious what the OP meant, she was answering a question. I took it to mean she can stay as long she wants! Stop nitpicking.

I hope she settles with you.

Must be heartbreaking for her that her mum doesn't believe her/doesn't care enough.

Sadly she's not the first & won't be the last not to be able to put her daughter first.

What a horrible situation, her Mum is essentially choosing him over her.

The police are absolutely unbelievable, does he have to physically hurt someone for it to be taken seriously?

I think it is important to talk to her school and social services about this.

I would keep her with you as long as you can, you should like a lovely family.

A referral to children's services should have been done by the attending officers. If you've had no contact you could call them Monday for advice. You can request a Clare's and Sarah's law disclosure. The information will only be passed to her mum though

You did the right thing, and I'm so glad your DSD had a safe place to turn.

She can visit her DM outside the house.

I'd consider doing a Clare's Law and a Sarah's Law search so you know if he's done this before.

Sorry that you're all going through this OP. Tbh I think you should be strongly resisting dsd going back to her mum until there is a guarantee that stepdad is no longer living there and ideally doesn't know where mum lives. I would hope that social workers take this decision out of everyone's hands by mandating this. I'd just concentrate on helping sd feel safe and loved and I'd get security cameras/ring doorbell if you don't already have this. You sound like a really lovely family unit and just what dsd needs right now. I'm sure you'll figure it all out xx

Some women don't deserve kids. Those who put abusive men before their kids are just as bad. You did the right thing op

As someone who was beaten up, abused and strangled by their step father and whose mother did FUCK ALL to intervene - yes you absolutely did the right thing. And thank you.

I think your dh needs to get some legal advice asap. Apply for residency. I've been in the same situation as your dsd. My mum chose her abusive husband over me. I had a brilliant dad luckily. She's really lucky she has you and her dad and sisters. You are doing the exact right thing. Support her and keep her talking. Good luck ❤️

My God, I'm horrified by your update 😩 I think if I were your husband I'd be taking the decision out of her hands and keeping her with you for good. No way would I allow her to go back to living with that man and a mother who doesn't protect her! He needs to go down the legal route if necessary. Your poor DD 😕

You did the right thing.

My mother's partner made a sexual offer to me. I told her. She picked him. I don't think it is relevant that I hadn't lived with her since I was 18 months old. I think it is relevant I've not spoken to her for decades and never will. She wanted me when I had kids, she wanted me when the partner died, but she never wanted me for me.

Is this woman doesn't choose her daughter now, she will lose her forever.

I will never understand how easy it is for mother's to pick am abusive man over their children. OP you did everything right. Your DSD is lucky to have you.

The poor girl her own mother dismissing her feelings like that and clearly putting her partner over her own daughter. I’d tell her to stay put for now. I suspect she’s about to discover where her mother’s loyalties lie.

You have absolutely done the right thing. Do everything in your & DH’s power to keep DSD safe and with you.

please make a copy of that recording so it can’t be erased from her phone. If she goes back there, I suspect the first thing the abuser will do is try to destroy the evidence. Email a copy to yourself and DH and make sure the police have a copy of it.

I can't believe her mum is trying to minimise his behaviour - he sounds dangerous. Not a lot to add just wishing you all the best going forward and absolutely you did the right thing - I'm just wondering how long this has been going on

Stupid cow.

100% you did the right thing, keep DSD with you and safe! Keep lines of communication open with mum and have at the front of your mind she is very likely in a coercive control/abusive relationship so she "has" to minimise his behaviour otherwise it's too much for her to face up to. You must have seen the multiple of threads on here from women in her position, I was one of them and it really isn't that easy to just leave when you are in the thick of it. You normalise their behaviour because it's so insidious that it creeps up slowly and does become your normal. Keep talking to her and calmly qnd kindly refuse to allow her to minimise the behaviour, she will see the truth when she's ready, hopefully soon for her DD sake.
From the outside it's so so easy to want to give her mum a shake but if it is that it's a controlling/abusive relationship and not that mum is just a deadbeat who shouldn't be allowed kids then breathe deeply and be kind and firm with your DSDs boundaries and she does NOT go home until those boundaries are in place and the stepdad is gone.
Hugs to you all including your DD for being so kind to her stepsister

Poor girl. Imagine your Mum choosing a prick like that over her own child.

Really worried from reading this that your DSD is at serious risk from this man. She really can't go home. As for the mum minimising the abuse - well she won't be the first or last woman to prioritise her current shag above her child. It's sad but it happens, and it happens a lot. It doesn't sound like she's got any intention of breaking up with her disgusting partner, so I guess you'll be keeping DSD for the time being, OP. It's a relief reading this to hear how much you and your partner/ DSD's dad have her back. Best of luck with it all.