To think we overthink parenting these days??

I find it endlessly amusing that there are memes about gen Xers being hard as nails cause we drank from hose pipes, ate mud and played out from dusk til dawn but we’ve managed to bring up the most insecure anxious generation of kids by overthinking absolutely everything from pregnancy to sleeping/feeding/routine etc

Dd3 described me to someone without knowing I could hear and she was saying how I was really kind and gentle and loving. I’m so happy she feels like this because I feel like I spend a significant amount of time yelling at her to get off her phone, clear up after herself and get to bed (she’s 13). I often feel bad for yelling and think I sound be more patient but I think I stress more than I should.

Yeah, I definitely think common sense plays a huge part. And perhaps confidence in your abilities. Trouble is, most of us are affected in some way by the way WE were parented, and often it’s difficult not to project in some way or make a (sometimes misguided) pledge to do things completely differently. Then some people are so easily influenced by their peers, social media, the latest trends etc etc. And of course, women are often made to feel guilty whatever they do. We don’t in many cases have ‘a village’ so it’s easy to see why you’d seek out guidance in another medium. It’s a bit of a minefield.

I agree with everything here!

Yanbu

Unfortunately as with many generally good ideas (don't be abusive or overly authoritarian to your kids) when it goes too far it turns into a negative. Kids need boundaries including getting them to hurry up. Gentle parenting combined with lack of any discipline is causing kids far more problems then hurrying to put shoes on after multiple asks!

I think you are following the wrong accounts on social media. Mine is all holidays and 15 minute meals in an air fryer. Much healthier.

Parenting I think is, in the main, common sense. It's the first thing I felt really good at. Found it harder with the first but I realised by the second, nothing I did was likely to make a difference (routine wise) so chilled out.

I never read any parenting books except "French children don't throw food" which also seemed to me to be very common sense. Children should have room to explore and self determine but a firm set of boundaries and manners. I don't know if that's actually how French kids are raised but it's worked well here so far.

I agree. Gentle parenting as a misunderstood trend seems to have resulted in entitled kids. We are in a global economy and I think we have done our kids a disservice in some ways.

Agree with this - I lose count of how many times I’ve seen people refer to permissive parenting as gentle parenting, and don’t comprehend the vast difference.

I’ve been a nanny for 15 years and I have my own child too. I’m inclined to agree with you.

For the most part, it IS overthought. I think boundaries and routine are important and make a child feel safe and secure.
On the other hand, since having my own I do appreciate even more how children really are their own little people with all the thoughts and feelings and no idea how to manage them. They need guidance, patience and kindness. They also need to be jollied along to put their coats on if we are going to miss the bloody bus 🤣

I usually take a benign dictatorship approach but with a lot of love and cuddles.

I think in the past we under-thought it, to a really extreme degree. (There are still a lot of people who under-think it)
In order for a new normal to be reached often the pendulum swings wildly in the other way. Or people are (sorry to be blunt) well meaning but not well researched, so they hear about gentle parenting and think 'that's what I want for my child, I got shouted at lots when I was a child' and then doesn't do proper research or doesn't have the intelligence to carry it out properly and it turns into 'never setting any boundaries' which isn't actually what gentle parenting is... then people come on here and complain about gentle parenting, when that isn't actually what the person is doing, they are just calling it that and because the person complaining hasn't done their research either they end up spreading misinformation about gentle parenting.....
I think that the fact that i STILL meet parents who aren't aware of how talking about other people's weight, or their own weight, or food in certain ways can be damaging to a developing child's brain means there's still a lot of under-thinking going on (to take just one example) I'm always shocked, I remember awareness about anorexia being massive when I was younger, but that was probably just due to my surroundings...
Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who go 'well i don't think that (thing) damaged me or anyone I know so therefore it's not an issue and people are being silly to think about it" without it occurring to them that there's a whole wide world full of people out there with different experiences?
(Or maybe they are oblivious to how it obviously HAS affected them... but that's another thread)

Gentle parenting is the reason there are alot of entitled little shits around. If being rushed to put shoes on age 4 caused lifelong trauma we'd all be fucked. So glad I don't do social media, apart from MN obviously