Single mum 45k a year in south east but just scraping by?

@TwatOnAHotTinRoof thank you for clarifying! Note to self - RTFT!

@SquashedSquashess it is £45k net.

How many hours do you work OP out of interest?

I also had no support network, did it all on my own etc., etc.. That's just your life right now and whilst it is difficult at times you don't have a choice.

Your X is funding his children though isn't he.

Being a single parent is tough, there's no doubt about that, but moaning on here about a £60k income which is topped up by the state and your X while living a middle class lifestyle doesn't do much for me.

I studied alongside being a single parent, working full time. I work in academia which is not terribly highly paid as a sector but do you know what? I managed to climb up the greasy career pole and increased my income by gaining more qualifications.

Many of my colleagues don't take home as much as you're moaning about, I really do think you need a reality check here.

OP I've been a lone parent for 15 years.

Seems to me the only lever you have here is to focus on career to work your way up or out into another field.

What do you do for work?

45k with the current cost of living in the UK is not a lot of money. People think it is because of the higher tax rate kicking in around £50k, suggesting this is a lot of money. But the tax bands have been frozen for years, and UK wages are notoriously low.

Yes, I know plenty of people earn less than £45k. That doesn’t change the fact that money doesn’t go far, we just accept low / stagnating wages in the UK. Topped up by various benefits, credit cards and Klarna.

The ONS released a report showing that wages grew 33% each decade between 1970-2007, but are now no higher than in 2005. If we’d experienced the same growth since 2007, we’d have had two further decades each averaging a 33% wage increase. As it is, the UK is treading water.

Our wages stagnate, our tax bands are frozen, and we are gaslit into being confused why a £45-50k salary doesn’t go very far.

And here begins the benefit bashing.

So did I, that’s what’s kept me slogging it out in a stressful job for decades, maintaining the lifestyle I want to have. OP needs to provide for herself now and either adjust her aspirations or upskill (good time to do it when working pt) and earn more cash.

Don't you have council run swimming lessons? They are about £27 a month here. You are better off than many others on UC.

You use hospitals, the roads, the police etc. Of course you take and use it.

Maybe OP was used to a very comfortable life before divorce. It must come as a shock to have to budget for things that are assumed to be non negotiable. Especially when the ex is evidently a very high earner.

@babbi I’m a single parent and have been for more than a decade. I’ve slogged my arse off in a stressful job that paid me a bit more than the OPs net pay for the longest time. Juggling everything, getting on with life by cutting my cloth according to my income level. Not even qualifying for child benefit. I earn more now but I still budget for everything in the way I did when I needed to.

The benefit system is great and I’m pleased to live in a country with a social conscience that cares for those in need, but I’m afraid there’s a disconnect with OP’s lifestyle and her income levels. I’m staggered at that income too up tbh. The X’s conribtuon looks like it is reliable and a reasonable amount. Plenty to cover childcare costs to allow before/after school there. Not pursuing more work because the state tops you up is a huge failing of the system, as a higher rate tax payer I think it’s a piss take.

Has the OP said what sort of house/size she lives in? Wondering if that’s outside her means too.

Not this again. MNHQ have made their stance on this quite clear.

I’m glad someone said it.

£1. 5 in wages isn’t enough. You need to do more hours or find a second job if you want to spend what you do

uc

adult 393
1c 333
2c 287

so 1013 leaving around 185 for rent top up to make £1.2k

renting is dead money but if op bought a house she wouldn’t get any housing costs paid

@TheHateIsNotGood
Lovely supportive post .
OP , fellow single parent here .
I was struggling about 7 years ago in the way you describe.
Its hard but please stick at it and be proud of yourself .
it does get better .

Only other comment I would say is I am fanatical about batch cooking from scratch and keeping food costs down .
That makes a huge difference to overall finances .
Good luck

Because child maintenance is not taken into account.

If this is real then I suspect your children already hate their toxic parents.

The rent is so high.
It's very unfortunate that money is not going towards you owning your own small home.
Can you afford to buy?

Not really an easy answer!

If you move away from London you pay less rent but end up with a job that pays a lot less too!

Our local pool has just closed; when it was open, children under 8/non-swimmers had to have a 1:1 ratio.

I actually think swimming is a necessity but perhaps when they reach a certain stage, but before they’re officially “swimmers” you can stop, having given them a head start. Is there anyone in the village you can team up with to share the drive to lessons so you’re only spending on petrol e/o week?

I think to some extent OP this is just life in 2025 – there’s an expectation of more for our children than before (swimming, clubs, days out – in my 80s childhood it was the school pool, clubs weren’t a thing and a day out was the car wash or B&Q), social media lifestyle comparison, horrendous rents (in our case a mortgage that keeps going up and up but at least it’s ours), soaring costs of absolutely everything: food, energy, fuel, stuff. Our household income edges out yours a little I think but we can’t afford holidays or to upgrade the old banger I drive. But I recognise we can afford things like swimming lessons, NT membership, top-up shops in our local shop which is a bastarding Waitrose, kids after-school clubs. It’s all relative – we could stop those things and have a holiday and a nice car, but I think I prefer a nice daily life than grinding away all year for 14 days at Haven.

You are not just scraping by sorry OP. Expensive swimming lessons and a huge food bill just because you like good food does not mean you are scraping by. It just means you are prioritising certain luxuries , which is absolutely your choice.

Scraping by is when you have zero choices.

The point I made swimming lessons are not essential, you can take your kids swimming in local pool and teach them for a lot less then session fees. You’re on benefits to support your income to make sure your kids are fed and clothed well, if you choose to spend £400 on swimming lessons, that’s a choice.

I think you’re living a lifestyle you can’t afford to sustain, expensive food, tons of driving costs and expensive swimming lessons are all a choice not a necessity. You need to cut your cloth. Do things closer to home, find cheaper swimming lessons or just spend a load of time in the pool with them yourself. Cook more economically.

Your income from a pt job is the equivalent of a £60k a year salary with top ups. That’s a decent salary.

Have you considered how your life might look once your kids are older and you’re not entitled to as much of a top up from the state/maintenance payments stop?

You're on universal credit, relying on the taxpayer to fund your lifestyle. You can afford swimming lessons, to eat really well, running a car etc. How much more do you want...?

You want the taxpayer to fund luxury holidays and a massive savings pot?

I'm sorry to be harsh but I genuinely don't know what you want/ think is reasonable...?