Single mum 45k a year in south east but just scraping by?

You're getting decent maintenance there. You say you have no help at all, does the father not have any contact? Do you have family near by? What's your reasons for staying in such poor rental conditions, if there's no help at all near you?

It doesn't sound like you're looking for advice, just a rant, but respectfully, you've nothing to rant about. You're keeping a car on the road and have the choice of a good food budget. What you really need to be focussing more on is building your future and what is in your control. There are plenty of single parents (myself included) who didn't plan this life and had no option but to pull themselves together and keep the plates spinning whilst working full time. You won't have benefits and maintenance forever so will you be able to afford to rent where you are in a few years time when the top ups decrease and then cease? What's your plan for that?

Why is this the answer to everything! We don't want you all!

I’d be sending them off to their father at a prearranged time and day. You don’t get to opt out of parenting your own children. I would refuse to have my children fulltime if I ever divorced. Why should I do all the slogging? Send them to their father and go back to work full time because once those children hit 18 years old you’ll lose everything but your income.

They do have those powers but v v rarely use them. There's just no political will to get behind it.

I do agree that the feckless fathers that don't pay child maintenance should be pursued and the system overhauled. I believe other countries come down stronger and would take payments from their wages. Not the point of this OP's post though I know...

From the OP’s posts it sounds like they don’t go to the father’s house. She’s at breaking point with exhaustion, I’m not sure more hours would help if she ends up signed off with a nervy b.

I think given the lack of contact with their father, moving to a cheaper region and to a town where OP can walk/public transport/drive less to get the kids to school and swimming might be the best option. OP, can your job be done remotely or do you have transferable skills to take you elsewhere? And would your ex object if you upped sticks north?

You should increase your hours at work op. And rest when your children go to their father’s house?

This is why lots of couples will never get married and live separately. The ‘single mum’ has several children of various ages with the same man while remaining single. We don’t have a housing crisis so much as an ‘underoccupancy ‘ crisis. So many couples living separately in order to gain max benefits.
Child support should be taken directly from the father’s wages/salary /bank account and offset against any UC received. I’d take away their passport too.
The men who leave their families knowing their ex will get UC are especially abhorrent. How embarrassing to let taxpayers raise / house your children when you’re a high earner.

It used to be but because non payment is so common it left single mums (always mums)out of pocket and really struggling. The fact that they decided to disregard it is a sad indictment of the lack of interest in pursuing non payers.

The cost of living is up, and the cost of housing pretty much anywhere in the south east of the UK is just crazy. And it will not get easier, particularly as a single parent.

I have made a move - partly due to the economics, partly for a nicer/better job.

It has worked out well, and I still own a decent home even after a divorce, which will be paid off by the time I am 55. More importantly I have a great job (which pays as much as when I lived further south) and have much, much better quality of life with excellent greenspace and nature, a safe and welcoming community, great schools, university fees funded etc etc. Scotland is not nirvana, but it is a damn sight better than SE England (and I say that as someone with head office in SE England and I regularly stay there a week at a time...). The ONLY downside is it is farther to see family and the weather in November and February is crap...

@TwatOnAHotTinRoof
Precisely. A lifestyle that is already funded in 60% by others (her ex and the taxpayers). And yet rather than appreciate that the generous maintenance and benefits are allowing her to work part time and live a decent lifestyle, the OP is angry because she’s not living the luxurious lifestyle she thinks she is owed.

I’m not hard up or on benefits or bemoaning my lot. I spend £500 a month on food for me and two teenagers including nice toiletries, cat food etc..

The OP is not ‘scraping by’ by any stretch of the imagination, she’s living a lifestyle she can’t afford.

No-one has mentioned cost of living, food is twice the price it used to be! ..and everything else has gone up ..

South east is costly. I live there but if paying £1500 on a small house maybe think and moving - yes maybe then a 15m drive to friends etx but will be saving monthly

there are cheaper places about

@Plantball

Just feeling very flat at never being able to better our life.

I think you may need to practice some gratitude for what you do have instead of (I assume), comparing it to your previous lifestyle with your high earning ex.

If you want to better your life, then you need to make steps to do that yourself.

@MidnightMeltdown I'm not a higher rate tax payer but I agree.

I work, not entitled to UC & am scraping to afford swimming lessons for my kids or to spend £500/ month on good food.

I feel like my husband and I should separate so he can pay maintenance but I can also claim UC. We'd be so much better off.

Not saying I resent OP having these things- all kids deserve swimming lessons for example, but I do resent her saying she is barely scraping by

And why not? The system needs bashing.

Too many piss takers like OP. As a higher rate tax payer, I'm pretty sick of it.

Agree that 45-50k doesn't go far these days, but you'd have to be in the top 10% of earning to be taking that home.

It's all relative - as people usually say when talking about poverty

It's a huge amount of money for someone who only works part-time.

Because child maintenance is not taken into account.

@FjordPrefect Well it should be. Why should the tax payer pick up the bill for high earning fathers who fuck off and leave their kids?

No wonder the country is in such a state and our taxes are so high. The benefits system should be scaled right back. We shouldn't be funding swimming lessons and kids clubs for other peoples kids.

£18k a year on rent, you think it's acceptable?

The owners outgoings are not the renters responsibility.

I'm a landlord.

Honestly the naïveté and entitlement of people these days is off the freaking charts.

Yes, your entitlement is ridiculous- expecting a tenant to fund your whole enterprise.

@Plantball you're saying "just scraping by" in your title which is blatantly false

I think that the crazy bit is that people lower their aspirations/level/hours in the workplace because the system allows them to do that to max out their benefit entitlement.

sorry 1.2k

The benefit system is crazy to give the OP 1.5k which then goes straight into a landlord hands.

That's why the benefits system is crazy.