Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

No. Because she said she was unavailable... because she was unavailable.
Maybe they were discussing cancer, maybe they were discussing Corrie but it doesn't change that for the SIL she was unavailable as much as if she was out of the house or on a Teams call. She doesn't owe MIL, OP or any of us any further explanation or justification. People are merely pointing out that there are a lot of situations where MIL being invited in could have been massively inappropriate and rude to the guests inside the house.

If you live in the same house, you are being stupid.

If you live in separate home, yes.. you can tell your partner that you are "unavailable" 😂. What kind of door mat would drop everything just because the MAN has decided he wants to pop in?

you are unbelievably rude yourself ,if you expect to be invited in when you have been told the person is not available, when you can see they are busy, and when you can see they already invited someone else.

I can't believe people can be so entitled 😂

You are right, it might be a good thing you don't have DIL, but I feel sorry for your kids partners, because you are a classic MIL!

SIL still answered the door anyway. She just didn’t invite MIL inside. Not sure how many times it needs to be pointed out that OP literally mentions in the very first post that SIL didn’t invite her in and MIL was upset about it. In another post, OP said dropping things off at their door had never been an issue.

There are also non-emergency reasons that SIL probably didn’t invite her in, regardless of what the reasons were, it wasn’t rude of SIL not to do so.

No

MIL was still rude to knock because she had been told SIL wasn't available but she decided that meant something else and then felt FOMO so tried to intrude

And there's every chance that next week, when MIL comes in for a chat SIL (who is none the wiser to MIL's hissy fit and the names she's called on here) will say "I'm sorry about last week, I probably came across a bit frazzled but my sister had just split up with her DH/my mother was telling us she's moving to Spain with her 20 year old lover/I've just found out I have terminal cancer and I wanted to tell my family first....

Right okay so now we have people saying that there are some extreme circumstances where the MIL might not have been able to be accommodated.

So what if that wasn't the case, if it was just a general non emergency visit, then she was rude to not answer the door?

I can think of several non-Mafia related possibilities which would involve not being disturbed even just to answer the door and say "thank you" (especially to someone who is probably going to actually keep me talking or try and butt in)

• Planning a funeral
• Staging an intervention
• Planning a surprise party for the person at the door
• Talking about a crisis that was hard to even start talking about
• Discussing medical treatment
• Catching up with family who are here from abroad who only have a limited time with you
• Saying goodbye to a beloved family pet who was being taken to the vets after

Situations which can be emotional (hence being a bit short when someone who has been told you're not free ignores the instructions), which are time limited, which are private, which a break in the flow of conversation can stop that conversation as someone clams up again, where someone leaving for a few minutes can lead to them missing important decisions...

Exactly.

OP says they get on really well so if that is the case, SIL may tell MIL about the visit on her own accord.

Imagine going to someone’s house on the understanding that they were unavailable and knowing in advance the arrangement was to leave the goods on the porch like many times before.

You get there and see movement… ohh there are people in there!! SIL HAS PEOPLE OVER!! I will knock… coz em.. well I don’t know why, this wasn’t the plan but there are PEOPLE in there getting entertained… ooops no answer…. I will knock again, oooohhh still nothing, they must be busy… keep knocking.. ahhh here she comes FINALLY!
Hi SIL I know you said you said you were unavailable and this time suits me and I said I would leave in the porch but I heard voices and activity and So I banged on the door until you answered coz em err, em Can I come in?

This is all hypothetical, because we rightly have no idea what the circumstances of the visit were, but say you're the visiting mum in this situation and the visit is to tell DIL you have terminal cancer or nan's dementia has escalated to the point she no longer recognises family, would you be horrified for the MIL you've never met to not be invited into that. 'Hi MIL, lovely to meet you, we were just talking about how I have six months to live. Custard cream?'
Now it could be nothing like that, it could be a bog stand visit from close family who pop over most weeks. We don't know. OP and MIL don't know, but SIL who almost always invites her in for a cup of tea didn't on this occasion so I think it's safe to assume she had reasons.

OR

A grown ass ADULT can say "Oh you're unavailable, ok I won't come today"

You can keep quoting the dictionary, it doesn't make your point right

MIL made the decision to come over DESPITE being told SIL wasn't available. SIL expected her to follow established patterns, she didn't expect her to ignore the plans and try and push in.

Are they the mafia?

You can say hello and thank you. Really you can. If you choose not to without good reason then you're rude.

Tomorrow I might declare myself unavailable to DP. Just not talking to him. I've told him where my boundaries are and that's all I need to do.

Or maybe being "Unavailable" is not a get out of jail free card for being a dick.

"Someone telling you they’re unavailable means that they’re unavailable to you. No other explanation was needed/ nor should have been warranted.

SIL was unavailable to MIL. "

Well said. There's an etiquette concept civilised people understand, called "not at home" which translates to "home but unable to receive your visit."

By telling MIL in advance that she would be unavailable, DIL (wrongly) assumed that MIL was civilised enough to comprehend that DIL was unavailable for a visit (not at home, in etiquette parlance) despite being physically present in the house.

Instead MIL behaved like a self-centered toddler with zero self control.

Are you ok?
Yes thanks. Are you ok?

No

SIL didn't invite MIL to drop-off in the porch, MIL said she was coming and SIL said she was unavailable and MIL STILL came over

Then she knocked on the door to try and join in because, for once, SIL was daring to entertain her OWN family

we’ve covered this.
she knew mil was coming and expected her to deliver the gifts while she was entertaining others.
she could have very easily told mil not to trouble herself. She didn’t. Instead she expected her to deliver expensive gifts to her door while she was inside entertain family. That was very rude.

expected adjective [before noun] (WAITED FOR)believed to be going to happen or arrive:

Are you ok? The OP clearly stated she is upset AT NOT BEING ASKED IN. She wasn’t delivering the gifts wanting to be asked in, she wanted in when she saw SIL was entertaining.

You say people are being obtuse but ignore OP literally saying her mother expected to be allowed in to meet them.

But she DIDN'T expect it, MIL said that was when SHE could make it and made the decision to come even though she was told SIL was unavailable

You are missing out the context: she’s upset because of the exceptionally rude behaviour of the DIL .

The rude behaviour was that she expected her MIL to deliver expensive gifts to her door while she was entertaining others inside.

This is rude:

Mil did not expect DIL to be in- she wasn’t delivering the gifts because she wanted an invitation. She was only upset when she realised DIL was home and entertaining others.

yoy know this and are being deliberately obtuse

Main take aways so far:

People think they are entitled to know your business so they can judge if you are making a reasonable excuse or not

Work is more important than family

Posters think MIL is entitled to more of SIL's time than her own family

Again, OP said she has dropped things off when SIL has been on a Zoom call with her inside so unavailable has not meant SIL not being home.

OP

SiL was with her family and didn’t invite my mum in to meet them. As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome. My mum is so upset but we have stopped her ringing Bro.
So essentially my mum was asked to leave stuff in porch but knocked door anyway - would you have done this?
SiL answered but didn’t invite her in. Would you have done this?

Why else would OP be even going on about how non-intrusive her mum is if it wasn’t about her mum not being invited in?

😂😂😂 YOU have to be the OP or the MIL.

Then don’t expect your MIL to deliver freebies to your door while it’s going on! It’s very simple.