Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

964 replies

ThatRubyMoose · 13/02/2025 18:48

I genuinely want people to be honest; I’m interested in what people think.

About four years ago my brother’s partner moved in with him; she has her own business and works from home. Up until then my mother used to go round and clean for my brother (yes I know). My mother also gets a few freebies from her employer so she would leave these in the house.

When his partner moved in, my mother naturally stopped this out of respect for his partner and not to invade her privacy. However, SiL was more than happy to see my mum. She told her to text her when she was going to drop stuff round.

So for four years two or three times a month, Mum sends a text and Sister-in-Law will stop work, make a coffee, elevenses, or lunch depending on what she is doing and they will have a chat. On the back of this, SiL might find out something Mum likes, so they will go to garden centre or stately home together.

So in four years there has been a handful of times when SiL hasn’t been available, either because she will be out, on a zoom etc. and told Mum to leave stuff in porch. All good, no issue.

On Monday evening SiL texts to say she wasn’t available on Tuesday and just leave stuff in porch. Absolutely no issue.

When Mum arrived there were people in the house and a couple of kids running in the hall so my mum knocked on the door a couple of times when finally SiL opens it and seems surprised Mum is there asking her didn’t she get the text asking her to leave the stuff in the porch.

SiL was with her family and didn’t invite my mum in to meet them. As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome. My mum is so upset but we have stopped her ringing Bro.

So essentially my mum was asked to leave stuff in porch but knocked door anyway - would you have done this?

SiL answered but didn’t invite her in. Would you have done this?

OP posts:
Whatsitreallylike · 13/02/2025 19:00

I would have invited her in out of pure awkwardness and then thought about how bloody rude your mum was, I also would have apologised to my family for the intrusion! They could have been around for any reason at all, it could have been something very personal. Your mum has serious main character syndrome for trying to impose the way she did and now making herself out to be a victim.

Shinyandnew1 · 13/02/2025 19:00

PinkArt · 13/02/2025 18:59

SIL said she wasn't available because she wasn't available, she was hosting her family. It sounds like she already hosts your mum loads, without your brother there - she stops working once a week/ fortnight to entertain her and goes on days out on top of that (incidentally, does your brother does the same back for her mum?). She hasn't done anything wrong here.

This x 100!

PinkArt · 13/02/2025 18:59

SIL said she wasn't available because she wasn't available, she was hosting her family. It sounds like she already hosts your mum loads, without your brother there - she stops working once a week/ fortnight to entertain her and goes on days out on top of that (incidentally, does your brother does the same back for her mum?). She hasn't done anything wrong here.

Hercisback1 · 13/02/2025 18:57

Argh this is all a bit of awkward on every side isn't it. Best thing to do is everyone moves on. No good will come of thrashing over who is in the right.

StormingNorman · 13/02/2025 18:56

I think SIL was rude. I can’t imagine anyone not inviting their future MIL in to say a quick hello.

DreamW3aver · 13/02/2025 18:55

It's understandable when you are entertaining one set of family members you might not want to include a member of another part of the family

Your sister in law sounds very kind to your mum overall

ElfAndSafetyBored · 13/02/2025 18:55

I’d never do this to my MIL. I think SIL was rude and missed an opportunity to introduce them to one another.

Four years she has lived with your brother, how have the families never met before?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/02/2025 18:55

How rude of her to knock on the door, she knew that the sil was unavailable.

Hadjab · 13/02/2025 18:53

Well, technically, she was unavailable.

I mean I would never have a family member knock on my door and not let them in, and your SIL is rude for that, but your mum probably shouldn’t have knocked 🤷‍♀️

TomatoSandwiches · 13/02/2025 18:52

Your mother should have just left the stuff in the porch as arranged, she basically tried to gatecrash a family visit.

Your SIL did nothing wrong imo.

superking · 13/02/2025 18:52

I presume that for whatever reason your SIL didn't want your mum to come and meet her family. Maybe she wanted to focus on them, maybe she was embarrassed by them, who knows. I can understand why your mum knocked (though I don't think she should have) but for her to now be upset she wasn't invited in is unreasonable. It sounds like your SIL is extremely accommodating and welcoming to your mum most of the time so it would be foolish for your mum to jeopardise this by making a fuss. Interested to know how far your brother makes a similar effort with your mum?

TheBossOfMe · 13/02/2025 18:52

I’m not sure what SIL did wrong - she said she wasn’t available and your mum ringing the doorbell when she’d been told that was intrusive. SIL is completely entitled to have her own time with her family and it’s not like she doesn’t spend nice time with your mother. I wouldn’t have rung the doorbell in that situation.

Completelyjo · 13/02/2025 18:51

I feel like surely you are the SIL from the way you’ve written this, but either way SIL didn’t do anything wrong. She made it clear she was busy and wasn’t available for a visit. She doesn’t have to include her boyfriend’s mother when she sees her own family.

birdling · 13/02/2025 18:50

I don't think your SIL has done anything wrong.

Swipe left for the next trending thread