Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

Maybe she was busy trying to make lunch or just about to serve lunch and there wasn’t enough to offer her MIL. I think it’s a shame your Mum has gone and moaned to you about it to be honest.

Sounds like she’s actually been very polite and kind to your mum and has been spending a lot of time with her.

Mum should have dropped the items and left. Noticing/hearing people inside so deciding to knock (repeatedly) seems quite nosey and intrusive. SIL obviously had a reason for not wanting to introduce them in that moment, everyone should respect it.

Absolutely no good will come from anyone complaining to your brother about it.

SIL did nothing wrong, she was unavailable.

SIL hasn't done anything wrong. She told your mum that she would be busy that day so could she just leave the stuff in the porch but your mum kept knocking expecting to be let in.

I think your mum needs to have a bit of self awareness that shes created this situation by knocking when she was told SIL is unavailable. I expect SIL will be being a bit more firm with her boundaries now and your mum needs to owm this instead of making it about her.

Sorry her family.

What freebies does your mum give them and why so often?

Your SIL was in the wrong, in that she should have told your DM she had family coming round so could she pop round on a different day. Very rude to tell her to leave things in the porch like a postwoman while she entertained indoors.

Ugh, from these answers, I think this is why people are so strange these days and entitled.

I fully support the Mother of the Son here

Really rude of the MIL to knock when she had agreed to just drop stuff in the porch.

SIL totally justified in not inviting her in.

Your sil messaged your Mom and told her she was not available in advance. You both have no idea why your sister in law was hosting your family. It could have been to sort out private family business. It was rude of your Mom not to respect your sil wishes.

if the families have never met I’d imagine the SIL wanted her partner to be there the first time they all did, rather than it happening without him.
either way I think it was rude of MIL to keep knocking, rude of SIL not to invite her in but not worth stressing over

I agree with this. It would have taken moments to invite your Mum in and introduce her.
It was incredibly rude.
If I was your mother, I would be both hurt and a little annoyed.
It was like she was just good enough to drop things off, like the paid help, who I hope she’d be nicer too, in any case

I would have felt rude leaving things, and not knocking, as it was obvious people were there.

Had she done this, I can guarantee it, that the woman’s family would have remarked that the mother was rude.

Rude future daughter in law

It’s odd but considering they normally have a good relationship and she’s normally polite and nice to your mum I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she has her reasons - maybe her family are going through something and weren’t up to company/meeting someone new

I am going against the majority- it is rude not to invite the MIL in. It would have been better for her to say that she isn’t free at all rather than asking MIL to drop stuff on the porch.

MIL was told SIL was unavailable and she still knocked and intruded. MIL is out of order. SIL is allowed to entertain in her own home without the MIL involved.

SiL is normally fully accomodating. On this occasion she was busy and told your mum in advance.

Your mum doesnt have a right to be invited in to meet SiL family if it wasn't convenient. Perhaps someone was revealing an illness, a divorce or something else. Your mum has no idea what was going on.

Its pretty unfriendly i agree

How did she know there were people in the house? Was she peering in the windows?

In this instance, even if I knew people were in the house, I would have left the stuff on the porch because I would have assumed she was unavailable.

Go ahead and let your mother phone your brother to complain and see how quickly those weekly visits and day trips out dry up.

SIL is perfectly entitled to host her own family without interruption, in her own home. Your mother was the rude one here since she already had notice SIL was unavailable and knocked anyway.

incidentally, does your brother does the same back for her mum

And this, absolutely!!

I don't know what there is to complain about. Your SIL takes time out several times a month to spend with your mum and is considerate enough to go places that she knows your mum likes. It shouldn't be expected for your mum to join in with her plans to see her family. Maybe there was something her family needed to talk through that was not appropriate to bring a stranger to them into. Your SIL sounds genuinely nice towards your mum and spends time with her without your brother around.

Agree with the majority. SIL is entitled to have family time with her own family and she did let MIL know in advance she would be otherwise engaged.

It would have been nice for her to have invited your mum in, but not compulsory.

But she has a regular catch-up with your mum, stops to chat and so on.

Your mum asked but was told she was unavailable. But she knocked anyway then is all pissed when she wasn't invited in?!

She seems to think SIL's time is hers no matter if it's convenient or unplanned to visit.

I'm on Team SIL for enforcing healthy boundaries here. People expecting your time that you don't have to give is ridiculous and the pushing boundaries if SIL hears any more may result in her naturally want to spend LESS time with your mum anyway.

She had a million reasons why she may have wanted her existing plans not interrupted - supporting a family member with something? Wanting time to catch up on a rare day off together? Who knows? The fact is she had plans, she communicated them, your mum needs to make other social connections if she's put out by any of this.

Why did she knock? She was asked to drop and go.