Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

Sorry if it's been said already, but is anyone else intrigued by the freebies and what they actually are and whether they are indeed "freebies"

She wasn’t free for a cuppa, how hard is that for you to understand?

What are the freebies that are being dropped round?

I think I was really rude of SIL. She should have said she had company and she’d DM another time if she didn’t want her there. I couldn’t have someone I was close to knock on my door and not invite them in, regardless of who was there.

GIVING NOTICE! Who does she think she is, the Queen of Sheba? Just let the woman in, say hello, have a cuppa then she can go. She's happy enough to accept the FREEBIES every other week. No respect some people. Family is family.

Your sister in law is very rude and selfish. You need to tell your brother so he knows what he is getting himself into.

I mean I really doubt that. Would you “tolerate” someone you didn’t like, see them multiple times a week inside and outside your home, without your partner who is the link between you, for four years for a few work promo freebies?

When faced with it I would have invited MIL in to say hi but SIL didn’t do anything wrong in saying she wasn’t free - she wasn’t free.

There might be a reason she wanted to keep them separate - she also doesn’t really need a reason - and it sounds like she has a great relationship with your Mum usually so your Mum should accept that and not think this was SIL being rude or otherwise. Doesn’t sound like it’s worth upsetting a good relationship over. It sounds like no one meant harm.

Could be worse, our friend's daughter in law, introduced him to her brother as 'The Joiner' whilst working on their house for months on end.

She wasn't available.
Your mum should have respected that

I wouldn't have asked your mum to drop stuff off and go away if I was in the house! Why couldn't she have just asked your mum to bring the stuff next time when they could have spent time together. It seems quite harsh to not ask her in when she's made the effort to come over even if she had said she was unavailable.

Maybe SIL doesn't even consider the freebies hers or is bothered about them at all, ops mother had been leaving them at ops brothers house long before SIL turned up.
The point is that SIL is being generous to MIL inviting her in and taking time for her most of the time, she even takes her to garden centers and days out, that's not " putting up with " behaviour, she sounds genuinely kind but clearly needed or wanted private time with her own family.

It sounds like she makes a lot of effort to spend time with her, cook for her, and go places with her. These freebies would have to be pretty amazing to warrant all that effort for someone you wouldn't otherwise be bothered with.

@ThatRubyMoose Exactly this. 👆 Your mother should have done as your SIL asked and left the stuff in the porch (or arranged to go over another day). She should not have knocked the door expecting to be invited in when your SIL had visitors. Your SIL did nothing wrong.

Your mum assumed that “not available “ meant on Zoom which isn’t anyone’s fault. Did she knock out of spite ? (“I know you’re not working” ) or did she want an introduction ? Sometimes it’s not appropriate for that to happen- even if she just wanted to say hi and bye or she will know that certain people won’t get along with your mum so is doing her a favour.

Your SIL sounds like a lovely woman so I would advise your mum to keep quiet and have her gently mention that she hopes for an introduction some time in the future (if that’s what she wants ) Making this a big issue is going to encourage SIL to lie about what she’s up to. More importantly, how much effort does your brother put in with his mum and ILs? I suspect that he’s not doing and making as much effort as she is.

If your mum had never left a package in the porch then I would have told her to leave it then text that the package was dropped off but you mentioned that she’d done it before,

What are the freebies?

Is this not simply a case of your mum understanding unavailable to mean “not at home” so knocked when she noticed your SIL was in fact, at home?

Your SIL was by no means obliged to invite her in, it just sounds like there has been a slight misunderstanding. Best to encourage your mum to let it go.

My first thought is SIL wanted privacy with her family. Maybe they were discussing something important, maybe something is wrong with a family member or maybe she just hasn't seen them and didn't want to change the dynamic.

I have a feeling that these freebies are food related.

Cakes that have to be ate that day kind of thing.

Doubt it’s going to do be bottles of perfumes left over from MIL work that she used to leave at her sons house a couple of times a month.

I can imagine that MIL had a tray of jam donuts and SIL knowing that MIL doesn’t like Jam and they’re already in the car, she asks if MIL can just drop them off in the porch.

Some family time is private. You never know why SIL was hosting. It may be to discuss options for her Grandma’a care or meeting her dad’s new girlfriend for the first time…

Do you think your SIL just wants the freebies and tolerates your mum in order to get them?

SiL was with her family and didn’t invite my mum in to meet them. As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome.

It was a bit intrusive knocking when your mum had already been told SIL wasn’t available, she knew SIL said she was unavailable but decided to knock anyway. I might of offered your mum to come in, it would depend if I was annoyed or not that she ignored me. SIL is not in the wrong or unreasonable

Bit of an overreaction from mother, I would say. SIL sounds like she’s really made the effort to forge a good relationship with her mother in law, which isn’t to be sniffed at! There could be any number of reasons why SIL didn’t invite her in, but really, I don’t think she needs to justify herself. It was a bit rude perhaps but certainly less rude than your mum, knowing SIL had said she was unavailable, repeatedly knocking on the door and expecting to come in and meet the family! Strange behaviour really.

Her son clearly wasn't there and it's SILs home also, she was hosting her own family in her own home, had given notice she was busy, absolutely reasonable reaction from SIL.

No it’s also the partners house because she literally lives there and has for years. You don’t have any sort of stake in a house because your child owns it.

I'm sure there are lots of reasons, can you really not think of a single one?

It would be odder for the first meeting between the two parties to consist of hello/nice to see you/bye

Your sister in law sounds like she has been lovely and warm towards your mum, going above and beyond what a lot of daughter in laws would do in terms of spending one on one time with her. Your mum is being v v unreasonable and entitled.