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Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

964 replies

ThatRubyMoose · 13/02/2025 18:48

I genuinely want people to be honest; I’m interested in what people think.

About four years ago my brother’s partner moved in with him; she has her own business and works from home. Up until then my mother used to go round and clean for my brother (yes I know). My mother also gets a few freebies from her employer so she would leave these in the house.

When his partner moved in, my mother naturally stopped this out of respect for his partner and not to invade her privacy. However, SiL was more than happy to see my mum. She told her to text her when she was going to drop stuff round.

So for four years two or three times a month, Mum sends a text and Sister-in-Law will stop work, make a coffee, elevenses, or lunch depending on what she is doing and they will have a chat. On the back of this, SiL might find out something Mum likes, so they will go to garden centre or stately home together.

So in four years there has been a handful of times when SiL hasn’t been available, either because she will be out, on a zoom etc. and told Mum to leave stuff in porch. All good, no issue.

On Monday evening SiL texts to say she wasn’t available on Tuesday and just leave stuff in porch. Absolutely no issue.

When Mum arrived there were people in the house and a couple of kids running in the hall so my mum knocked on the door a couple of times when finally SiL opens it and seems surprised Mum is there asking her didn’t she get the text asking her to leave the stuff in the porch.

SiL was with her family and didn’t invite my mum in to meet them. As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome. My mum is so upset but we have stopped her ringing Bro.

So essentially my mum was asked to leave stuff in porch but knocked door anyway - would you have done this?

SiL answered but didn’t invite her in. Would you have done this?

OP posts:
Nazzywish · 13/02/2025 20:32

It's too much OP.your mum going around 3 times a month or more and expecting her to drop everything in a middle of a work day etc is probably annoying and silly as much as she didn't mind it seems like just wants some space. She needs a break, give it to her and you mum needs to stop , she can invite them to hers if necessary for one week.

PinkArt · 13/02/2025 20:32

You get that you've made all of this up, right @ConstanceM ? We don't know if it's food, if the DIL wants it, how the deposit was funded, what the rent split is, if the door has a chain... Sounds like you got some pent up misogyny out though so I hope that helped.
What we do know is that the DIL regularly stops working to host the MIL and also regularly takes her on days out. On one occasion she's not invited the MIL into her home, because she was busy.

UndermyShoeJoe · 13/02/2025 20:31

Also even if she doesn’t pay rent that’s between the son and his partner.

Once that deposit left mils hands it’s bugger all to do with her how her son uses it even.

The free food was always going there again if mil decided to continue it that’s on her but she was always giving it to her son anyway

mintjim · 13/02/2025 20:31

Your SIL set a boundary and your mother crossed it.

hideawayforever · 13/02/2025 20:31

I think it was a bit rude of SIL not to invite your mum in, but also if she didn't want her there, she shouldn't have asked her to drop the stuff off that day.

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2025 20:31

@ConstanceM

How do you know what the freebies are?

The MIL paid the deposit? Why do you assume the SIL who wfh isn’t paying rent?

Where are you getting this information?

It’s not in the post.

MikeRafone · 13/02/2025 20:29

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:25

SIL is happy to scoff all the Freebie food and live rent free in a house the MIL paid the deposit for. How nice and entitled. Imagine putting the chain up on the door and treating your MIL ike a serial burglar. What a nightmare of a SIL, the Son should've dealt with that behaviour swiftly and kicked his lodger to the curb for being so rude.
That marriage won't last long, trust me on this!

Where does it say the sil doesn’t pay rent? Or her own upkeep?

where does it state the mil paid a big deposit on the house?

steff13 · 13/02/2025 20:29

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:25

SIL is happy to scoff all the Freebie food and live rent free in a house the MIL paid the deposit for. How nice and entitled. Imagine putting the chain up on the door and treating your MIL ike a serial burglar. What a nightmare of a SIL, the Son should've dealt with that behaviour swiftly and kicked his lodger to the curb for being so rude.
That marriage won't last long, trust me on this!

Where did you get the information that the mother-in-law paid the deposit on the house? Or that the sister-in-law is not paying rent? Or that the freebies are food? I did not see that in the OP.

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:27

This reply has been deleted

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Eenameenadeeka · 13/02/2025 20:26

Your Mum was really rude there. SIL makes lots of time for her and was told on this occasion she wasn't available. Unreasonable of her to expect to be let in. Perhaps rather than leaving things at the door, she could have suggested another day instead if she preferred to spend time together and not just drop off, but SIL is not in the wrong here.

steff13 · 13/02/2025 20:25

ThatCyanJoker · 13/02/2025 20:21

SIL sounds like a user, what a hurtful way to behave towards your poor mum.

Typically when the mother comes around the sister-in-law stops working and then makes her a meal and sometimes takes her places. How is that grabby?

What do you think these freebies are that they cost anywhere near what the food probably costs that she's providing?

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:25

SIL is happy to scoff all the Freebie food and live rent free in a house the MIL paid the deposit for. How nice and entitled. Imagine putting the chain up on the door and treating your MIL ike a serial burglar. What a nightmare of a SIL, the Son should've dealt with that behaviour swiftly and kicked his lodger to the curb for being so rude.
That marriage won't last long, trust me on this!

FreeRider · 13/02/2025 20:25

Probably less than 2 weeks after my father had left my mother for another woman - and only 3 weeks since my own wedding - I was around at my mother's house trying to help her deal with the aftermath.

For some reason I can't remember my MIL popped around - unannounced...I think it was to drop something off. I answered the door and I could tell she was angling for an invite in (she wanted to hear all the gossip about my father, no doubt) ..she didn't get it. My mother didn't like my MIL anyway, she was definitely one of the last people my mother wanted to see at that time! The in laws had only met my parents twice before the wedding and for a very limited amount of time...my mother was never invited to their house.

Your SIL had already told your mother she wasn't available that day, she wasn't obligated to invite her in at all.

PassingStranger · 13/02/2025 20:24

BagelandEggs · 13/02/2025 20:02

I wouldn't have asked your mum to drop stuff off and go away if I was in the house! Why couldn't she have just asked your mum to bring the stuff next time when they could have spent time together. It seems quite harsh to not ask her in when she's made the effort to come over even if she had said she was unavailable.

Because the cakes would go out of date by then.😁

Kahless · 13/02/2025 20:24

I8toys · 13/02/2025 19:07

MIL was told SIL was unavailable and she still knocked and intruded. MIL is out of order. SIL is allowed to entertain in her own home without the MIL involved.

Totally agree with you and others on this thread

UndermyShoeJoe · 13/02/2025 20:23

This is going to be one of those things where the entire mil dil relationship ends up ruined.

Because both sides see it different.

Dil. I’m busy sorry please drop off (something she’s done since before Dil lived there)

Mil.. oh she’s actually in with people so I’m going to knock and knock till she answers and invites me in.

Dil. Oh sorry did you not get my text? I said I wouldn’t be available.

Mil… but but but other people are here (in her head not out loud)

Dil and her family… who was that… mil, I told her I was busy… how rude

Mil…. Rants to other child how rude, I’m going to ring son and bitch and moan.

Son… she said she was busy you should have just left them or not come mum.

mil… strops.

dil… fuck that you can deal with her from now on, tell her not to interrupt me while I’m at work in future.

boom. 🤯

sunshineandshowers40 · 13/02/2025 20:22

They have a good relationship, she obviously had guests so didn't invite her in. Maybe it would have been awkward for your SIL and she didn't want your mum to come in and then stay. I would encourage your mum to let it go.

ThatCyanJoker · 13/02/2025 20:21

SIL sounds like a user, what a hurtful way to behave towards your poor mum.

PinkArt · 13/02/2025 20:19

Ellaelle · 13/02/2025 20:05

Sorry if it's been said already, but is anyone else intrigued by the freebies and what they actually are and whether they are indeed "freebies"

Very much so. Are we talking end of the day doughnuts from Greggs or ex display items from De Beers!

Octavia64 · 13/02/2025 20:19

SIL could have been hosting almost anything which would make it not appropriate to invite your mum in.

Family funeral, etc.

I doubt SIL actually wants the stuff your mum drops round she just tolerates her doing so.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/02/2025 20:18

DoughnutDonna · 13/02/2025 19:04

incidentally, does your brother does the same back for her mum

And this, absolutely!!

Oh I think we all know the answer to this.

Itiswhysofew · 13/02/2025 20:17

Aww, tell your DM not to let this upset her. SIL did say she'd be unavailable. There must be a good reason why she wasn't invited in. Has DM met SIL family already?

It seems like she's got a nice friendship with SIL and it'd be a shame to lose that.

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:17

TomatoSandwiches · 13/02/2025 20:08

She doesn't owe anyone her time especially if she's already said she's busy, why would anyone knock on someone's door if they've been told by the occupant they're busy, you don't get to decide otherwise because it doesn't qualify as busy in your tiny mind.

Let's also not pretend that MIL gives these freebies for SILs benefit! She's been dropping these things off for her son long before SIL lived there, perhaps MIL can wait until her son is in and hand deliver them to him instead.

You're nice

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 13/02/2025 20:16

What I don’t get is why the SIL told mum to
leave stuff in the porch while she had family round? I think that’s very grabby, rude and unkind.
While she seems to have a good relationship with MIL, she’s clearly enjoying the freebies that go with it, and MIL is respectful of her space.
All this hosting and not available bollocks she’s not a predator she’s family - invite her in and make her a cuppa.
I don’t know what’s wrong with people on here. I despair reading some of it.
However, I would advise the mum to
leave it and learn from it. Stop leaving freebies in porches for starters, she’s not a bloody Evri driver.

Edwina8320 · 13/02/2025 20:16

I think it was rude of the mil to knock on the door.