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Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

964 replies

ThatRubyMoose · 13/02/2025 18:48

I genuinely want people to be honest; I’m interested in what people think.

About four years ago my brother’s partner moved in with him; she has her own business and works from home. Up until then my mother used to go round and clean for my brother (yes I know). My mother also gets a few freebies from her employer so she would leave these in the house.

When his partner moved in, my mother naturally stopped this out of respect for his partner and not to invade her privacy. However, SiL was more than happy to see my mum. She told her to text her when she was going to drop stuff round.

So for four years two or three times a month, Mum sends a text and Sister-in-Law will stop work, make a coffee, elevenses, or lunch depending on what she is doing and they will have a chat. On the back of this, SiL might find out something Mum likes, so they will go to garden centre or stately home together.

So in four years there has been a handful of times when SiL hasn’t been available, either because she will be out, on a zoom etc. and told Mum to leave stuff in porch. All good, no issue.

On Monday evening SiL texts to say she wasn’t available on Tuesday and just leave stuff in porch. Absolutely no issue.

When Mum arrived there were people in the house and a couple of kids running in the hall so my mum knocked on the door a couple of times when finally SiL opens it and seems surprised Mum is there asking her didn’t she get the text asking her to leave the stuff in the porch.

SiL was with her family and didn’t invite my mum in to meet them. As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome. My mum is so upset but we have stopped her ringing Bro.

So essentially my mum was asked to leave stuff in porch but knocked door anyway - would you have done this?

SiL answered but didn’t invite her in. Would you have done this?

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 13/02/2025 20:57

PotatoBreadForTheWin · 13/02/2025 20:55

This. Can't believe all the people who think SIL's behaviour is okay

What’s not okay about telling someone you have previously arranged plans?
If a friend told you she was busy would you go barging over to her house anyway, ring the doorbell and then call her rude when she doesn’t drop everything to host you?

skyana · 13/02/2025 20:56

Some sil are weird. She should've said don't come round on Tuesday at all.

I have a sil that is super nice to my mum only when it suits her.

I have in-laws myself n would never dream of behaving in that manner

steff13 · 13/02/2025 20:56

Hwi · 13/02/2025 20:47

Oh my gosh, what a bitch. Clearly your mum is not good enough to introduce her to those who were inside.

Or, sister-in-law is embarrassed of her family. Or they were planning a family funeral. Or they all got together to tell Grandpa that he's too old to be driving anymore and they're taking his license away. We have no idea what the circumstances were.

RisingSunn · 13/02/2025 20:56

Birdied · 13/02/2025 20:36

I think your sister-in-law in this instance is being incredibly rude. Sister-in-law is living with the brother for four years at this point. To not invite a potential future mother-in-law into her home for a quick hello to her family is gobsnacking to me. Sister-in-law should never have asked your mother to leave XYZ in the porch knowing she was going to be at home. I think your mother has every right to be aggrieved.

But she has done so before - OP mentioned if SIL was at home on a zoom call etc she would leave stuff on the porch.

Completelyjo · 13/02/2025 20:55

DreamW3aver · 13/02/2025 20:48

Are we not allowed take an interest in our parents lives now?

I don't agree with the OP but it's totally normal that shes concerned for her mum

Concerned for her mum because her son’s girlfriend had plans that didn’t include her…?

PotatoBreadForTheWin · 13/02/2025 20:55

GlenmoreSprings · 13/02/2025 19:08

I am going against the majority- it is rude not to invite the MIL in. It would have been better for her to say that she isn’t free at all rather than asking MIL to drop stuff on the porch.

This. Can't believe all the people who think SIL's behaviour is okay

Bloodybrambles · 13/02/2025 20:54

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:25

SIL is happy to scoff all the Freebie food and live rent free in a house the MIL paid the deposit for. How nice and entitled. Imagine putting the chain up on the door and treating your MIL ike a serial burglar. What a nightmare of a SIL, the Son should've dealt with that behaviour swiftly and kicked his lodger to the curb for being so rude.
That marriage won't last long, trust me on this!

This is why I have never accepted a penny off MIL. I wonder if the MIL let her son know the expectations of making sure any future wife would allow MIL access to the home at any time/when the son told his girlfriend the rules of allowing the mother in whenever she wanted?

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 13/02/2025 20:54

SIL has a good relationship with your mum but it clearly has limits and she doesn't want your mum meeting her family.
I wouldn't have turned her away when she knocked at the door, that would feel rude. In your mum's position, I might have knocked on the door thinking that perhaps SIl's plans had changed and she was in after all.
Your mum had a really nice relationship with SIL and I hope she'll be able to accept that they have ideas about what is OK so that they can continue enjoying each other's company rather than letting this become a big thing.

Cherrysoup · 13/02/2025 20:53

She was told your sil wasn’t available yet still tried to demand her attention and now has to be stopped from ringing your brother?! To say what? Sil told me she wasn’t available yet I still tried to get in? Does she want the sil to totally ignore her in future?

TomatoSandwiches · 13/02/2025 20:52

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:17

You're nice

I am extremely nice and fair, but my time is my own and I don't put up with people crossing the very clear, reasonable and respectful boundaries I have. I also respect other people's boundaries and don't take the piss with expectations either.

RisingSunn · 13/02/2025 20:51

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2025 19:51

So in four years there has been a handful of times when SiL hasn’t been available, either because she will be out, on a zoom etc. and told Mum to leave stuff in porch. All good, no issue.

So it’s only an issue now because SIL had people over?

It’s ok if she is alone or not in, but if there are people there, MIL has to be invited in?

YABVU

Edited

Exactly! It makes no sense.

Backtothe90ties · 13/02/2025 20:49

Gwenhwyfar · 13/02/2025 19:23

She's not a delivery woman!

This. Your SIL is happy enough with the freebies but not to invite her in. I think it’s rude.

Some PP are implying that the SIL is humouring your mum by going out with her. If so that’s a really horrid thing to do. By all means if you don’t want to go don’t but doing what she has gives very mixed messages. If she didn’t want them to meet she should have said it wasn’t a good time to drop them at all. It’s not the same as a work meeting or zoom.

DreamW3aver · 13/02/2025 20:48

Pumpkinpie1 · 13/02/2025 20:43

It’s non of your business OP

Are we not allowed take an interest in our parents lives now?

I don't agree with the OP but it's totally normal that shes concerned for her mum

Hwi · 13/02/2025 20:47

Oh my gosh, what a bitch. Clearly your mum is not good enough to introduce her to those who were inside.

pikkumyy77 · 13/02/2025 20:46

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:25

SIL is happy to scoff all the Freebie food and live rent free in a house the MIL paid the deposit for. How nice and entitled. Imagine putting the chain up on the door and treating your MIL ike a serial burglar. What a nightmare of a SIL, the Son should've dealt with that behaviour swiftly and kicked his lodger to the curb for being so rude.
That marriage won't last long, trust me on this!

Good god this is an insane amount of sexist and illogical reasoning—you have no idea what the financial arrangements are between gf and OP’s brother. There's zero reason to assume the MIL us subsidizing the household or, even if she were, that this entitles her to some kind of landlord’s right of entry and interference with gf’s quiet enjoyment of the property.

On the matter of GF accroting these supposed freebies. I wouldn’t assume that she is cheekily getting something for which dhe owes MIL gratitude.

if my MIL had a habit of insisting on dropping shit off at my house regardless of my convenience or availability I might have reached my limit of allowing her to use stale cakes as a thin excuse to socialize when she wants.

Perhaps GF has given up arguing with MIL over her insistence that “its no trouble at all” to drop things ‘round” but that doesn’t mean we know if she is actually wanting or enjoying these supposed goodies. My MIL used to badger us to take away all foods partially eaten when we visited them a goddamned plane ride or five hour drive away. I can assure you that I and the other DIL pleasantly accepted the “gift” of half a sandwich and a half used jar of pickles snd simply threw them out on our way out of town.

Pumpkinpie1 · 13/02/2025 20:43

It’s non of your business OP

DreamW3aver · 13/02/2025 20:41

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:25

SIL is happy to scoff all the Freebie food and live rent free in a house the MIL paid the deposit for. How nice and entitled. Imagine putting the chain up on the door and treating your MIL ike a serial burglar. What a nightmare of a SIL, the Son should've dealt with that behaviour swiftly and kicked his lodger to the curb for being so rude.
That marriage won't last long, trust me on this!

You're just making stuff up, how odd?

UndermyShoeJoe · 13/02/2025 20:39

MatchaTea1 · 13/02/2025 20:38

If not then another overbearing MIL to some other poor woman.

Nah she’s not. Just likes story times.

MatchaTea1 · 13/02/2025 20:38

mintjim · 13/02/2025 20:36

Is @ConstanceM the MIL? This thread is bizarre

If not then another overbearing MIL to some other poor woman.

Completelyjo · 13/02/2025 20:38

ConstanceM · 13/02/2025 20:25

SIL is happy to scoff all the Freebie food and live rent free in a house the MIL paid the deposit for. How nice and entitled. Imagine putting the chain up on the door and treating your MIL ike a serial burglar. What a nightmare of a SIL, the Son should've dealt with that behaviour swiftly and kicked his lodger to the curb for being so rude.
That marriage won't last long, trust me on this!

There’s no book deal, you can drop the creative writing.

Birdied · 13/02/2025 20:36

I think your sister-in-law in this instance is being incredibly rude. Sister-in-law is living with the brother for four years at this point. To not invite a potential future mother-in-law into her home for a quick hello to her family is gobsnacking to me. Sister-in-law should never have asked your mother to leave XYZ in the porch knowing she was going to be at home. I think your mother has every right to be aggrieved.

mintjim · 13/02/2025 20:36

Is @ConstanceM the MIL? This thread is bizarre

RisingSunn · 13/02/2025 20:35

She didn’t do anything wrong! The arrangement was to leave stuff on the porch. It doesn’t matter whether she was on a zoom/ had friends/family around or was exercising.

She had already said she wasn’t available at that time.

Aspasia2 · 13/02/2025 20:33

Let's not get too invested, it looks like OP can't be bothered with her own thread.

mintjim · 13/02/2025 20:33

You're nice. Do you also block visitors because it's doesn't FIT your PLANS? how pathetic. Pay your rent or leave
@ConstanceM

Well, yes. Wouldn't you block visitors if it didn't fit your plans? What else would you do?