Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

she did answer the door. She brilliantly didn't invite her in. Sounds like the poor woman had enough and is putting her foot down.

I'd love to hear her side of the story, and how much she enjoys being regularly disturbed just because she's only "working from home".

I'm confused. The SIL has been living with/been married to (unclear which....) your brother for 4 years - and yet it appears your mother has never met her family, which seems odd.

Also confused about the 'crisis'. What was actually going on?

Whatever the details of the situation, it's not worth jeopardising what seems a nice relationship by making waves.

You're "not interested in spending the evening arguing about this ..." but you answered anyway - it seems like you're the one who's bored. And I've never mentioned "boundaries". I've simply pointed out the facts as presented by OP and suggested that SIL may have had a very good reason for not inviting in MIL and that accepting that as a possibility, rather than ranting about SIL being "rude", would be a more measured response.

Pretending you don't find it strange, let alone rude, to try to invite yourself in somebody's house because you see by the window they have guests? Seriously? 😂

I don't think anyone for a second questions if your brother loves and does stuff for your mum. Given the - to me anyway - huge amount of time that SIL seems to spend alone with MIL I was curious if he does the same for her mum. Would her mum visit him at work on a weekly basis like your mum does with SIL for eg. Society seems to still expect women to take on daughterly behaviours in a way they don't with men.
It read like she already gives a lot of time to your mum, including from her working day, and the one time she hasn't and has prioritised her own family it's caused a bit of a hoo ha.

SIL is rude. Even if you might inwardly sigh to have to invite someone in, it’s incredibly rude not to answer the door when you’re at home. MIL shld stop bringing the freebies.

OP This is what YOU asked for in your first post, YOU said…

”I genuinely want people to be honest; I’m interested in what people think”

And because the majority of MN users are not saying what you want them to say you are not happy and disagreeing with them and acting unreasonable.

If YOU don’t want people’s honest opinion and what they ‘think’ then you shouldn’t have asked for it.

I'm not interested in spending the evening arguing about this with all the 'boundary enforcers' on this thread.... SIL's behaviour was weird and rude and if you can't see that yourself nothing I can say will make you understand it. There are some very odd perspectives around social behaviour and familial relationships on here sometimes - so odd in fact that I suspect some people simply like advocating and arguing them out of sheer boredom. Very strange.

I mean if SIL had the thought to text her, say she was unavailable and then your mum still knocked - that’s on your mum. She should have assumed SIL was busy as per the text and not knocked.

I'm completely with you OP. Ignore the replies fabricating a narrative to fit their own assumptions.
Also, I think a lot of posters have missed the part where your DB & SIL have been together four years! To be against your DM & your SIL's DM meeting after 4 long years is very odd

Totally agree. It’s called basic manners…something that many MN posters are very lacking in !

My mother is still in her 50s, does not need entertaining and does not intrude

She did intrude! Like, that's literally what she did - was asked not to and yet did.

YABU and SIL was quite right.

no normal person would "knock on the door because they saw people in the house" 😂 Who does that? Trying to gate-crash what is obviously a party/ gathering of some kind?

No respect for people's privacy. It's unbelievable behaviour.

Perhaps SIL didn't invite her in because someone in her family asked her not to?

Maybe she had a family member there that isn't well or suffers with a bit of social anxiety or just didn't feel comfortable in general with being suddenly faced with it with no time to prep themselves. Maybe SIL has a bit of a dramatic mother who decided she wasn't dressed right and was worried about making a bad first impression. Maybe they were in the middle of a serious and/or private discussion

Maybe SIL was just pissed that MIL had ignored her message and stood there knocking repeatedly instead.

All I am taking from some of the replies on this thread is that there must be some utterly miserable DIL's out there. Fucking hell.

This thread is a mn revelation! So contrary to the usual mn way of life.... if someone decides to invite themselves to your home, even if they've been told you're not available... you're a bitch for not acquiescing?

I applaud your SIL who knows how to impose boundaries.

Imagine you have friends/ family around, you WARN your MIL you are NOT available, but MIL decide to ignore you and try to intrude. I would be pretty pissed off. Well done for standing her ground and not inviting her in, out of politeness but ruining her day.

The MIL was very rude.

You walk past a friends' house and it's obvious they're having a party. Do you stop and knock at the door? Of course not!

No normal person would do what MIL did - it was intrusive and unnecessary when she'd already been told by SIL that she wouldn't be available on that date/time. It's incredible that you lack the imagination to believe that SIL had a very good reason for not inviting her MIL in when she'd previously expressly told her she wouldn't be available SMH ...

Instead of coming over on the evening or on the weekend when SIL’s work would not be disrupted at all, MIL continues to make these visits during SIL’s work day and SIL continues to welcome her often.

Yes, I thought this was odd. Why doesn't she drop things round at a time when people are trying to work! Maybe when her son is in!

Agree with this. I prefer keeping mine and DH families separate so in this situation I would have just asked MIL to come over another day. But she didn’t and mil turned up…in this situation I would have just let MIL in. It’s all a bit odd and just badly handled.

But because the rest of the time SIL is kind to MIL and spends time eitb her then I definitely wouldn’t make an issue of this.

MIL probably shouldn’t have knocked but probably didn’t think much of this and though SIL plans had changed when she saw the kids.

I think leaving stuff on the porch under circumstances of a zoom call is understandable/unavoidable, whereas to not be invited in when potential in laws are there is more of a personal snub. If I were one of the family members already inside the house I have to say that I would have found it extremely odd that SIL didn't invite her in.

Rubbish! She is absolutely owed an explanation and an apology for her unbelievably rude and downrighft weird behaviour. MIL did not "intrude", she simply knocked on the door when she unexpectedly saw other people there - no normal person would do what SIL did. Honestly, what sort of bizarre 'boundary enforced' family relationships do some people on here have that they think SIL is in the right? SMH...

Instead of coming over on the evening or on the weekend when SIL’s work would not be disrupted at all, MIL continues to make these visits during SIL’s work day and SIL continues to welcome her often.

SIL is a saint.

you should thank the stars you have a SIL that is so kind as to repeatedly disrupt her work day.

If I had already got a houseful of visitors, I wouldn't want another person who didn't know anyone, who wasn't invited just turning up and expecting to come in when I'd already said I was busy.

Your mum is only in her 50s you say and is upset about this. Would she benefit from a job-that might fill her time a bit?

"My SiL is a genuinely, nice, straightforward woman"

Then perhaps you could all just try trust that there was a reason she did it and hope that she may explain it herself at some point?

Given that you describe her as that, would your mum calling your brother to complain about her have been the best or nicest thing to do?

What are the freebies? I'm imagining samples from somewhere like Avon. Does SIL even want them?