Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

It's your SIL that's odd with this. If you know you will be home, why ask for things to be left in the porch? Why not say i have family coming and I want to spend time with them?

I would have also knocked, I think it's odd to leave something in the porch rather than hand it over when the person is home.

I don't think your SIL needed to invite her in if that's not what she wanted but she shouldn't have told your mum drop things off at the same time as she had guests. Bizarre!

she told her she wasn't available, how is that not clear that it was NOT a convenient time?

What else did you want her to say? Beg her not to turn up?

They leave it if I'm not home. Like is supposed to happen.

Precisely.

Asking her to drop and go when she knew that she would be in makes it sound as though she's the SIL is treating the MIL like a delivery person or hired help. It just seems discourteous.

I am glad that I don't live in the same wonderland, because it works for me that my deliveries happen whether I am home or not, and that courier don't wait for me to open the door to leave my stuff.

SIL wasn't wrong. But you obviously agree she was

Your mother is an adult who has been an adult for a long time. She knows what she is doing when she rings a doorbell...

SIL might have just found out a relative died, had family come to discuss crisis or even come around to discuss something which would a surprise for your family (anyone have a big birthday coming up on either side?) She had no reason or need to tell your MIL this and your MIL (and you) have to no right to question her about it

You won't tell your brother because you know it's an overreaction

I don't think she had to invite her in necessarily, but to have her leave gifts in the porch when you're able to say hi and thanks is rude.

None of this is relevant as the SIL knew her MIl was coming and should have arranged for her to come at a time when she could be polite to her.

The only circumstance this is acceptable is if the SIL is unable to stop her MIL visiting her. We do not know if this is the case. If MIL is dropping round even when told not to, it's fine to ignore her. Otherwise, it's rude no matter the excuse.

without more details..

SIL could be a cow only with her partner to benefit from the freebies (unlikely)

SIL could be insisting on having the freebies delivered fresh within 2 hours several times a month

SIL could be just a nice person putting up with her MIL and showing gratitude for the gifts by inviting her several times a month (that's a lot of MIL for 1 person)

SIL could be mortified because she was stressed and having an argument or something and it didn't occur to her to invite the MIL in.

SIL could be trying to put boundaries and make clear that "i am not available that day" means " I am not available" while still trying to be pleasant.

Who the hell know?

The only thing we do know is that somehow the MIL is not bringing stuff to her son, and not dropping stuff when HE is around. Why is that?

Of course you don't.

I live in a wonderland obviously, my Evri lady is on first name terms with my dog.

I don't think SIL has done anything wrong. There may be good reasons why she didn't want to invite your mum in that she didn't want to share.

I don't think your mum has don't anything wrong either necessarily, except blow this out of proportion.

She needs to move on and so do you.

I agree with this. Sounds like they've got a good relationship that has been suiting your mum, and on this occasion the SIL is occupied - she's entitled to be! How can it be rude not to invite someone in when you said in advance you weren't available? Unreasonable, unfair reaction from your mum.
I wonder how often SIL's parents call round to hang out with your brother.

I don't think either are in the wrong. Your sil maybe didn't want to say her family would be there but she made it clear she wanted the whatever-it-was left in the porch. Your mum was maybe confused that people were there given she assumed your sil was out, so knocked as it seemed better to give someone sonething than leave it in the porch.

But why is she so upset? If it were me, I'd maybe just feel embarrassed I had appeared to try to intrude.

So, you answer the door and just stare at them? And you don't answer the door when they knock?

Each to their own. I always answer the door to any parcel delivery person who knocks, smile and say thanks.

If they are dropping things off without knocking I wouldn't know they were there necessarily.

Which is not of course what is under discussion.

So yeah, unless your mum has been overstepping boundaries and there is more to it than this, your SIL was available, and of course it is rude to take a freebie and send someone on their way like a courier without a good reason, let alone family.

There may be more to it than you are telling us OP. If there is really no more than this, your mum should just back off, be polite, say nothing and can the free gifts and chats, and just catch up with SIL from time to time, around othe rfamily members.

I don't say "hello" to couriers? 😂😂

They drop things at the door and go, they wouldn't even wait for me to come downstairs and open the door anyway?

I cannot imagine turning ANY family member away from my front door in these circumstances. It's just rude, no matter how you paint it.

nonsense.

you visit a supplier working from home, it could be your massage therapist, hairdresser, your accountant, anyone you pay for a services.

How professional of them to interrupt your paid appointment to open the door and host a family member. On which planet would anyone do that?

Answered the door, said hello and thank you. Like you do when people bring you things.

Mumsnet is insane.

no

not being available means just that.. not available
for whatever reason.

On top of everything else, she works from home!

She doesn't have to justify what she is doing and why she is not available for visitors!

Correct, she was inarguably available. She was right there, closing the door in her MILs face.

SIL handled it badly. Unless there is a backstory about MIL constantly overstepping boundaries, it was undeniably unkind.

I cannot imagine turning ANY family member away from my front door in these circumstances. It's just rude, no matter how you paint it.

There really isn't any question about whether or not SIL was rude to MIL, she was. The only real question is whether it was justified, if there's more to it than this.

Family don't treat one another like this, unless they don't actually like one another very much, or there is something else going on.

Is it possible her family are mad as a box of frogs and she is embarrassed by them hence why you've not met them and she didn't want to invite MIL in?

Pretty sure she meant she would have said hello and thank you to a courier, acknowledged their existence, instead of apparently being surprised they didn't just drop the goods then vanish.

if it had been a courier, she would have done.. what? invite the courier in for a cup of tea? 😂😂

What are you on about!

She wasn’t available. She has explicitly told MIL that.

She had guests and wasn’t available