Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

Because you don’t know the details of why the family were there. Would it have been so wrong for SIL to spend time with her own family without feeling she also has to host MIL?

People generally feel more themselves and can talk more openly with their own family, while feel they have to be “on” around the in-laws. Why does MIL’s desire trump SIL’s? SIL sees her MIL plenty, makes loads of effort to foster a good relationship. This was time carved out to focus on her own family and spend time some with them.

It’s not being funny. No one including OP knows what other reasons SIL’s family was there other than seeing SIL. It could have been something extremely personal or private reason.

Again, SIL said she was unavailable and that should be it.

The expectation that you should be able to go into someone’s house because you dropped something off even though you were told they wouldn’t be free is bonkers.

water works is nicer than she is being a sook and to grow up

Well there was a boundary and what did MIL do to it?

SIL hosts MIL regularly and makes a good bit of effort to that relationship. How regularly does she host her own family? This might have been the first time she saw certain members, or they might have had a good reason to keep it just them.

People saying it’s rude not to let MIL pop in for a “quick hello” - how does SIL know it’ll be so quick? Once she’s in she might decide a cup of tea and to join in. Family might be discussing family matters.

MIL was told she was not available.
MIL made assumptions as to why and then got upset when her assumptions proved wrong.
She was okay to knock, wouldn’t say it was rude to say hello at the door but it was rude to make a fuss, get upset, and think any less of SIL for confirming what she had already said, this day is not for MIL and she is currently occupied by other things.

You mean like her son? The person she has been dropping them off for before SIL entered the picture.

Gatecrash?? Would it have been so terrible for her to come in for a cup of tea and say hello to everyone?

Jeez, why are people so funny...? 😐

It's starting to sound like SIL sees accepting the freebies as almost doing the MIL a favour and she doesn't really want the stuff but is prepared to accept it and spend time with MIL as a good deed maybe. That's the only way I would see allowing someone to drop stuff off in your porch while you are inside but don't want to see them! Maybe MIL should find a different recipient for the freebies?

MIL used to deliver the freebie to her son before he was dating SIL. For all we know, the freebie is more appreciated/appropriate by her son than her DIL.

"she is the one who overstepped and now wants to put on the water works?"

I have NEVER seen "overstepped" or "waterworks" used about anyone but a MIL! 🤣

Why? There is no law or obligation that says you MUST open the door every time someone knocks on it
Just like there is no obligation or law to answer a phone every single time it rings

SIL is well within her rights to say she is busy - even if that is doing something at home

MIL is rude to knock when the agreement was to drop off
she is the one who overstepped and now wants to put on the water works? huh?

Home does not equal available

Considering MIL was delivering them for her son way before his girlfriend entered the picture, I doubt she is going to stop and if she stops due to this one instance in the four years they’ve been together, it says way more about her than SIL.

I’m surprised by the support for SIL’s rudeness, when she’s happy to receive regular supplies of freebies. I wouldn’t be delivering them any more.

Definitely this. Surprised you can't see that.

My husband and I have been together for over a decade and our parents have only met once in person and a handful of times via Skype.

I was with my ex for about 12 years and our parents only met a handful of times. Ex and me both had very good relationships with our respective in-laws and there was no animosity between the in-laws, it was just but we were from very different backgrounds so the two sets of parents had very little in common.

I disagree that your SIL should have to explain why. It’s none of your mum’s business.

It’s entitled to think your SIL needs or owes your mum an explanation on what was going on when she explicitly told your mum she wasn’t available.

You said it has never been an issue before dropping things off when SIL has been unavailable yet because this one instance in years where SIL was with her family, it’s an issue.

Your mum could have texted that she left the items, instead of knocking. She didn’t have to knock and I bet your mum would have been even more hurt if SIL would have not answered the door at all.

You say your SIL is lovely, yet you are actually putting her in a no-win situation where the only option was for your mum to go in regardless of your SIL’s availability.

Why? Why 'should' the SIL say she is welcome to nip in? And it then be up to her MIL to decide if she wishes to wants to disturb the visit or not? Why should the SIL be forced into having to introduce her family to her partner's family until she is ready to do it? Those kind of meetings should be on SIL terms not MIL.

I have been married over 20 years. My family and my in-laws have met on maybe 5 or so occasions in that time, the first one being the day before we got married. I keep my family firmly away from people I like.

There are so many assumptions on this thread that it is the MIL that is not liked despite the apparently close relationship she and the SIL have. It is equally as possible that she is not close with her own family and having them there was already awkward for her without an impromptu extra that she has already said is unavailable to entertain.

My mil lives abroad but has a key to our house which whenever she's in the country she uses at her leisure. Welsh working class here.

I would absolutely never not say hello to my mil if she was outside my house and I was not in a meeting or something, and would also never arrange a situation where that was the plan if it could be avoided. I don't consider having other guests to be a good enough excuse to not meet basic manners.

The way to avoid being rude here was to say for her to drop them another day when SIL or DB had time to be polite. Or send DB to collect them instead.

Apologies if this has been covered already but if MIL/none of you have met the majority of SILs family, how on earth do any of you know who exactly was in the house at the time?

I do think there can be a class or cultural difference around situations like this. One side of my family are working class and Irish, the other side middle class and English.

In my Irish family everyone regularly pops round and comes in for extended periods of time no matter who else might be there. If someone shows up you must feed them also even if they protest ☺️

My English family don't really do the pop in and wouldn't generally think that they would be going in if they dropped something off.

Sorry I must have replied to the wrong post!

But what if SIL knows from previous experience that MIL wouldn't leave until the end of the gathering?

I don't see my family much. I'd be very upset if on the odd occasion they got together someone invited themselves in.

It’s literally exactly what happened. SIL told MIL specifically she wasn’t free, MIL knocked away and then got upset SIL didn’t ditch her prearranged plans to include MIl

It sounds to me like you mother most definitely is over-stepping and intruding. I work from home a fair bit and my MIL coming round most weeks during working hours would drive me mad. To me it sounds like your SIL has been super accommodating but has now had enough of it. To be fair she's a better woman than me as l would have nipped it in the bud ages ago. Your mother was told your SIL wasn't available but she just carried on banging on the door. Rather tone deaf

Oh dear me. I know what SIL said, but she was absolutely available to come to the door to say thank you, and was rude not to. Declaring yourself unavailable is not the same as actually being unavailable. Why would you not say hello?